I need the swing

I am shakinga nd crying over necessary harsh but real work being done and I have nothing to say so I am listening and it is safer to do this because to be honest this is hwo little it matters

the idiotic stupid bullshit( I'm cursing all up and through this one DEAL)

SO i am going through my technorati and see that Octa has linked me

Ooh shiny, lemme see....

WAIT CAN I UNSEE CAN I UNSEE.

Because this " furor" , this mastubatory solipsistic, journalistic neglagiance , and narcissistic blowharding that is passing for coverage of this

is exactly why this " feminist movement" is leaking water everywhere.

NO ONE LOOKS GOOD IN THIS

because no one is attempting to do anything BUT LOOK GOOD! Not to mention a bevy of slipshod journalism and reporting that seems only to try and stir up the idea of a "vibrant engaged internet discussion" where there is none cause frankly

NO ONE GIVES A DAMN

And here is where I get really mean and nasty and ornery and ageist but hey since its being used lets get it.

I am really really tired of hearing about " young feminists" who are AT LEAST 6-10 years older than I am talking about young feminists wanting blah blah and strictly talking about people responding to how they don't get presidencies, articles, and press attention. ESPECIALLY IN ORGANIZATIONS WOMEN HAVE BLED FOR FOR OVER 40 YEARS

ANd this article here....

Well doesn't that take the cake.

So I am supposed to take the word of a WHITE WOMAN m who presumes to speak for all young women., mind you she ADMITS NOT HAVING FOLLOWED ELECTIONS needing more youth led work

and here's the words I love.

" cutting edge"

I'm sorry but if DB Sweeney isn't Pamchenkoving Moira Kelley , I'm sorry I want no part of the fucking cutting edge.

And I'm sorry to burst the hard Mainstream media attention bubble but the fact that peopel aren't connecting to you online is not the end all be all of their relevance. Also if it is so important so relevant why did you use that cutting edgeness to write about it.

Meanwhile what is the cutting edge ? Name some of it . OH wait those things tend to sound more like issues and policy.( and if what you name is also part of the OPPONENTS platform as well you fail)

And as we know Young Women ( most of them now 6-15 years older than ME) are concerned with the look of things because essentially the endorsement is

" as a brown woman she looks better to young feminists"

I do not ofr a second believe that Lyles is a token ( I actually do follow now somewhat having the mistaken belief that if I am going to run my mouth on something I should know it VAGUELY)

but how are these endorsements based on WEBSITE USE ANYTHING BUT

the desire to capitalize on a mythic Obama effect to make these mythical young women feel better

because you knwo those older owmen use facebook and twitter to right so much so GRADY RAN ON IT AS WELL

Mind you none of the articles quote

YOUNG FEMINISTS OF COLOR the demographic NOW IS SCREWING UP ON.

But never let facts good discussion and ya know actually leading a dialogue get in the way of being quoted or saying " You know what I'm gonna sit this one out"

( Lets make it plain bemoaning slutty brides took up more space)

First and foremost what are the differences in the two women's positions?

Why is Latifah Lyles so " invigorating"?

Tell me when you find it cause oh right no one knows or cares to know. Even Salon is asleep wait (I Don't mean even I'm kind of going with as usual), needing a commentor to remind them s( something ) basic searching could find that LYLES IS A VICE PRESIDENT .

So now we have a tale of two women somewhat FIRMLY entrenched in NOW's power structure, making promises at which the out going leader "chuckles"at, about this time THIS TIME they will make this organization relevant again.

BE written by people who are so eager to have a " feminist wars" piece of copy the abscond with basic journalistic thoroughness ( like Google and THE WEBSITE OF THE ORG THEY ARE WRITING ABOUT well except to be assholes about site design)

even going so low as to say essentially I trust them they don't have to provide facts?!?!?

being more concerned about feminisms marketing than it's actual function.

A quick browse

Welfare rights action on now's website hasn't been updated in five years

International Rights AND Immigration IN SIX MONTHS

Domestic Violence is a n article on Chris Brown that is short and does NOT mention how for a first time offender in DV the tragedy is not JUST that he isn't in prison but that his sentence WAS ACTUALLY ABOVE THE AVERAGE . But hey pithy quote on what it tells us!

Economic justice is all about fair pay not about FINDING JOBS, PAYING LOANS ,HOUSE FORECLOSURES or any of the things that are actually being dealt with by young women ( and BOTH parties are involved with this website yes?)

And Media Justice is more involved with HALL OF SHAME THAN PRAISING FEMALE EFFORTS.

Trans Women are NOT O N IT and Gay rights is ALL PROP 8 ALL THE TIME

mind you nobody mentions that as reason why NOW MAY NOT HAVE MEMBERS

NO It's there mean to the pretty white girls!!! or the change candidate wasn't elected MUST BE PALIN!

This vapid empty nasty silencing discussion is why there aren't members. The ignorance and silent refusal ( and don't fucking dare come to me with we cover it here because when you cover it as much as rush limbaugh THEN WE CAN TALK) to be honest about the truth and history of NOW ( while started involving WOC so no Lyles is not NEW )

this false young versus old that is essentially all white all the time, to the extent of fetishizing someones blackness as an " image make over"

a myopic responsive,elitist response to the future

that has brewed an idea that better marketing is a more important than actual information and has people RESPONDING TO IT

and the continued desire to do nothing by both YOUNG AND OLD to respond to the reality of the lives of women they are trying to reach


but mean while

the things like

WOMEN RUN MEDIA JUSTICE CAMPAIGNS

MEDIA CONFERENCES

MEDIA PROJECTS

INTERNATIONAL NEWS


the amazing things being DONE WITH THE INTERNET rather than just talked about

women having to run for themselves and making decisions and having discussions so painful and SO NECESSARY that don't even show up on RADAR of these places who are so CONCERNED because they would rather worry about who has the big desk in Washington?

That the real revolution is HERE

Lisa is so amazing I copied it VERBATIM

wouldn't it be revolutionary if someone acknowledged that the future of feminism should look invisible because the work for justice and peace has been taken up by everyone? and the "future of feminism" is more than just NOW and the latest books or curriculum from some academic theorist?

When every one is as concerned as making our lives better and listening to us and actually working with us as whose in charge maybe I'll take this seriously till then.

The only remotely good thing about this hailstorm of stupid is the desire to see a good 90's film.

Waaaaaaaaaaaay to close to home.

Poor women shouldn't have anything rich people want.

including children.

One of the reasons my blog is kind of quiet recently is that I am starting something important to me .

Dedicated to my mother.

Because my mother had to fight to keep me.

She could speak "the" language.

But why is that the only thing that should save her?

This is a "choice" as well . the choice to raise your children,speak you language and be yourself without having to suffer for it.

It being daring to exist.

Request for Action from the Mississippi Immigrant Rights Alliance (MIRA):

Cirila Baltazar Cruz gave birth to her baby girl in November of 2008 at Singing River Hospital in Pascagoula, MS. She speaks very little Spanish and no English, as her native language is Chatino, an Indigenous language from Oaxaca, Mexico that is spoken by some 50,000 people.

The hospital provided her with an “interpreter” who is from Puerto Rico and does not speak Chatino, the language of the mother. Because of the language barrier and the misunderstanding by the hospital’s interpreter who only spoke Spanish and English, a social worker was called in.

The hospital’s social worker reported “evidence” of abuse and neglect based on the following:

* The “baby was born to an illegal [sic] immigrant;”
* The “mother had not purchased a crib, clothes, food or formula.” (Most Latina mothers breast feed their babies).
* “She does not speak English which puts baby in danger.”

Ms. Baltazar Cruz’s baby was snatched from her after birth at the hospital and given to an affluent attorney couple from the posh Ocean Springs who cannot have children.

The authorities made no effort to locate an interpreter in her native tongue. MIRA located an interpreter who is fluent in Chatino in Los Angeles CA and has interviewed the mother extensively with the interpreters help. The mother has been accused of being poor and not being able to provide for this child. No one has asked the mother to provide evidence of support. She owns a home in Mexico and a store which provides both secure shelter and financial support, not counting the nurturing of a loving family of two other siblings, a grandmother, aunts, uncles and other extended family.

Meanwhile, there is word in the Gulf Coast community that the “parents to be,” have already had a baby shower celebrating the “blessed arrival” of this STOLEN child!

PLEASE MAKE CALLS & WRITE LETTERS DEMANDING THE SAFE RETURN OF BABY & REUNITE WITH HER MOTHER

If you believe this is unjust and outrageous and goes against all moral and religious beliefs and values, please call or write to the presiding Judge and the MS Department of Human Services to STOP this ILLEGAL ADOPTION! Stealing US born babies from immigrant parents is a growing epidemic in the United States. Many Latino parents have lost their children this way!

Honorable Judge Sharon Sigalas
Youth Justice Court of Jackson County
4903 Telephone Rd.
Pascagoula, MS 39567
(228)762-7370

Children’s Justice Act Program
MS Dept. of Human Services
750 North State Street
Jackson, MS 39202
Call (601)359-4499 and ask for Barbara Proctor

For more information please call MIRA at: (601) 968-5182

MIRA Organizing Coordinator
Victoria Cintra at (228) 234-1697 or Organizer Socorro Leos at(228) 731-0831

GIRL TALK FEATURING MY ROSE!

Girl Talk: A Cis & Trans Woman Dialogue
Curated by Julia Serano & Gina de Vries
Wednesday, June 17th
LGBT Center - Ceremonial Room
1800 Market Street
7:30pm
Tickets: $12-$20
Buy Tickets on-line!!: http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/66001
http://www.queerculturalcenter.org/Pages/QFest09/GirlTalk.html

Queer cisgender women and queer transgender women are allies, friends,
support systems, lovers, and partners to each other. Trans and cis
women are allies to each other every day -- from activism that
includes everything from Take Back the Night to Camp Trans; to
supporting each other in having “othered” bodies in a world that is
obsessed with idealized body types; to loving, having sex, and
building family with each other in a world that wants us to disappear.
Girl Talk is a spoken word show fostering and promoting dialogue about
these relationships. Trans and cis women will read about their
relationships of all kinds – sexual and romantic, chosen and blood
family, friendships, support networks, activist alliances. Join us for
a night of stories about sex, bodies, feminism, activism, challenging
exclusion in masculine-centric dyke spaces, dating and breaking up,
finding each other, and finding love and family.

Late night think rant

Cereta's excellent post on men and rape by way of Coffeeandink's links and post
( Hat tip yelo son and sex _and Race)

So I'm doing that thesis THANG and some of you knwo I am a "blogger"
Mostly WOC issues and I'm hoping to be getting my grad in that.SO combine that with my propensity to say whatever the blue blazing hell comes to my pretty napptural head.

I am read/talking/ pondering on date rape and sexual assault.

First and foremost I continue to be a fucking amazed by the consistent use of " oh no oneI know would?"

Please tell me how many people YOU KNOW who would go

Hi I am the type of person who will willfully and openly use another person and disregard their will, and frankly how many of you really would take action into isolating that person?

Know how many times people have explained "away" a person's racism sexism classism ?"

How many of you have brushed off or giggled off someones nastiness cause well

"their not that way to you"

and I'm not saying dis own them but even ACKNOWLEDGING THE REALITY OF WHAT THAT COULD MEAN FOR OTHERS

( its part of the reason I talk bout myself so damn much in addition to my big ego I want you to knwo I am speaking ONLY FOR ME)
yeah sure you really would stand up and fight that.

Oh you would?

Prove it when a woman says she is assaulted of has concerns

Make the first thing out your mouth NOT

" not all guys/I would never /you should"

but what can I do to help?

or even the mere attempt at understanding the world i go through in THIS BODY IN THIS SKIN

isn't the world you go through

but I have a real shit time of up front no bullshit working with any white feminist org to taklk about this

Why?

because my " rape " ain't your "rape"

It's why i hate the fucking " this is what a feminist looks like/take back the night/ psuedo sex positive ( as opposed to sex AND SEX WORKER ) positive

the night ?

never mine .

Me this body this skin a CONSTANT reminder of colonialist rape , people like me only come up when it's in relation to THEIR experiences at social events .

Meanwhile we're trying to deal with the systematic sexual assault by social events, government etc etc etcit's something they "missed" or you know petition worthy

but vibrators and the right to hen peck boyfriends

RALLY TIME.

I want to be less bitter but every time i hear this shit it becomes a well we fight for EPEW blah blah oh and *insert horrible soulcrushing experience of LGBTQ WOC* so TAKE US SERIOUSLY as we were slogans


But my final FINAL HUh moment.

Is this gray rape/ we can teach sexual yes cues/ oh___didn't know?

Nope sorry I ain't letting nobody of the hook that easy.

I m gonna need you to explain in VERY VERY SMALL WORDS AND SLOWLY

hwo you can miss someone wanting you.

How you can miss someone asking and pleading you to continue , being involved enough to HAVE ANY VOICE AT ALL while you BUT NAKED AND RARING TO GO?


if part of you roll is to let the person you're with KNOW WHAT YOU WANT

AND TO MAKES SURE YOU KNOW WHAT THEY WANT

how do you" miss cues".

How is it UNSEXY ( i have heard this I immediately knew why this fools girl was so cranky)

to make sure asnd ask permission to be thoughtful

How truly unimaginative do you have to be to not figure out hwo to make ENJOYING SEX SEXY

unless

wait a minute

YOU ARE NOT LOOKING??


So help me out since I give you TOO MUCH INFO but I ma also (one of ) The MOST INTERESTING friend on facebook.

splain me?

yell at me say I'm a dottering nitwit

but when I am analyzing text ( friday night I know)about ways to position the singular black female body in performance and how much of that comes from witness to violence and I hear the sheer ignance that passes as discourse

From there to here

I am struggling with the role of writing, with the roles of activism, journalism,privilege race and technology.

Getting Google Reader to aggregate my readings has truly changed the way I read news. It has made it easier but it has also made me believe that it does not and should not be EASY.

With fading paper news, a black president, and the rise of the internet , the world does not look , the discourse does not look the way it has before ,

and although my entire ability to even run my mouth in it , I am becoming more and ore disturbed by the " new media" tongue bath being given .

About the Voice of the people.

Let us be plain, the ability however small however much it doesn't always feel like it.

To engage in a public intellectual life, as a blogger or teacher or professor or writer or artist and not have it be your side hustle or your " hobby" thanks to the ever crush of bills or whatever

is a confluence of privileges ( yep even as much as I bitch about it I know I am treading on privileged ground here)

and we have to have to start asking the very serious question of "To who are we accountable"

It is an amazing bit of writing . AMAZING , but it reinforced the growing ( and it's gonna be repeated ) pit in my stomach about media and MOVEMENT and ARTISTIC and RACIAL accountability.

While people are becoming excited about a discourse and very keen a on using these tools to ad d to it, to become large figures in it, no one seems as excited about having the tough discussions about what and who they seek to "improve"

It plays out in my mind of course and in writing in terms of race and gender.

I black I am multi-ethnic , I am Ivy League educated.

I am not enthusiastic about the "opportunities presented by America's election of a black president" and I am deeply troubled by the frame of the discourse present by the "Soul Patrol AND the Melissa Lacewell Harris response.

While the sum total of my response of Tavis Smiley is too long it often can be sum mated in " ARE YA SERIOUS?". I have deep reservations about MLS's dissection of it and the Soul Patrol.

First and foremost the fact that the first thing mentioned is the production value is bothersome, especially when later on it attacks the fact that they are all well endowed professors and or corporate backed ( in a CNN article by a Princeton professor , who is now being critiqued by a Penn grad yeah I'm getting to that)

While yes it is democratized, lets be clear on what voices even within these formerly underserved communities, are gtting play, or even in fringe circles ( I am an intsy bitsy blogger but i gots ome truck) why certain voices and certain credentials KEEP RISING, and keep getting play, as well as counterpointed. It si in this age I believe no longer enough to mention it or point at it but it has to be laid bare and ultimately destroyed.

Meanwhile equating the ability to become part of a system that STILL disenfranchises black americans ( not all black americans are African Americans) with maturity

Further, Smiley and his "soul patrol" seemed to have missed the intervening 40 years between the era of King and the election of Obama. African-Americans are no longer fully disfranchised subjects of an oppressive state.

African-Americans are now citizens capable of running for office, holding officials accountable through democratic elections, publicly expressing divergent political preferences and, most importantly, engaging the full spectrum of American political issues, not only narrowly racial ones. The era of racial brokerage politics, when the voices of a few men stood in for the entire race, is now over. And thank goodness it is over. Black politics is growing up.

While I totally like the idea of avoiding the race men( and women) , I dislike the use of this phenomena as a chastisement of the way TS and em are going about this. Because this phenomena this need of race men was predicated on a deep racism that predicated the use of perfect blameless people for organizing ( Rosa Parks anyone). And Barack Obama's election , which is being used to even as many people cringe to herald a " post racial era" gives us a deep hint that no it's not actually that far gone.

While I agree fully and totally that the TS and Soul Patrol critiques are often baseless and unproductive and ignorant of people who are not in their vision of productive. I also say that a view that hold up racial neutrality is any better,especially as a black president isn't all races nor does it indicate a clear race history.

Which is where I really disagree with Jay Smooth and a lot of the we're further along than we were rhetoric framing of the " post Obama moment". While his observation is brill ant and funny. The why is NECESSARY this rush for post racialism is not benign.

It is part of a continued and multi pronged death grip of entitlement and privilege to move from not having to care cause it didn't affect them to not having to care cause we're beyond that. Because if we're not beyond it and people are still concerned we might have to talk about why and that's not just boundaries and it's tied up in a whole lot of things that make racial neutrality a LOT more difficult than presented and the variety of voices not only presented but centered a LOT BIGGER

What i do think it is important to talk about and address is this constant portrayal of this action of ' fam correction" as jealousy and unproductive and baseless. My Google Reader sends me news alerts on race and racism and feminism and it picked up this article that featured the MLH piece from feministing this is the part that made me go yeah well no:

This question of authenticity in identity is a very frequent theme in argument between different types of feminists and specifically different generations of feminism. The older "watchdogs" are disappointed with what they see is a diluted brand and less than tough stance on issues by younger generations. The reality that material conditions have changed for women, people of color and other disenfranchised communities is not explored in depth, which has allowed for different types of political identifications, different types of movements.

Because frankly the "watchdogs" are not disappointed with out reason, and these material conditions improving for SOME of these groups is not enough for them to stop being vigilant, not to mention the constant belief that these watchdogs are themselves a homogeneous group is baseline insulting. Especially if only certain sections ( or people) are getting these improvements based on representing themselves as or being represented as standard bearers for the whole group. The other reality is that often the material conditions for many of these groups HAVE NOT MOVED AT ALL IF THEY HAVE NOT OUT RIGHT REGRESSED.

And the fact that these opinions often come with identification or absorption into capitalistic or commerce based affluence isn't something that changes things for everybody else. The fact that we can discuss this does not change the fact that there are more homeless and trans murders and service reduction to the disabled and that if they are annoyed or upset or so angry they can barely achieve coherency , pointing at my article in make/shift doesn't change that.

and if I am accountable to them and not the next run for the zeitgeist or the possibilities or the evolution the dialogue MUST CHANGE and must stop being posited as an old vs new,and start digging into the SCARY issues, in ways that ARE NOT territorial defense and predicated on hoping a voice speaks privilege enough to be comprehended and "hip " enough not to be dismissed.

But instead predicate themselves on pushing us as far as we can as deep as we can to exposing the parts of ourselves we hide the most to the BEDROCK of our views. Of what we move for , who move for and WHY

It is swinging in my head so hard because frankly it's going to get harder. Asking the tough necessary questions without a "hook" or a spin or a niche.

is getting more and more difficult and surprise it's dryng up and going away along very familiar lines.

Not only does the world need our voices, and everyone Else's but it needs OUR PURPOSE

and while yes our ability to do it ourselves, and challenge old wisdom, and be creative is good.

It is being done ( YEAH MAEGAN AND NEZ AND KAI AND THE SANCTUARY)

What is necessary are our loves our allegiances, and our purpose because

MLK?

sacrificed the good graces of LBJ for the unions and opposing the war.

Because moments opportunities moments epochs are merely after thoughts in describing one thing

What finally moved you from there

to

here.

walking

I am trying to write to stave off a massive depression.

I am very very tired.

I feel safe almost nowhere, I feel full of unfinished ideas , and thoughts and drives

and I have little desire to finish them.

I eat when I remember to which is mostly defined by a work schedule, i do not enjoy the sun.

I am finally beginning to understand the message.

I take up too much space.

I read that and I want to say yeah, and in my hear I do for Baby BFP. Someone should take up space I'm just not sure it should be me anymore.

What gives me any right?

I do not take pictures for the most part because I believe they are giving away parts of your soul.

And little bits of my soul get taken from me everyday

and that is the way the world works.

I have to smile and be thankful and cheery because maybe just maybe that little bit of dignity here, that piece of your heart there.

Might pay your cell phone bill.

Everyday people quietly and silently or loudly and repeatedly let me know

they are better than me.

Or I am not worth it.

and you steal yourself because it is all you know how to do.

but why do that .

Because you are not allowed to feel pain.

" But I didn't know that"

Because finding out what happens when it comes to me/my community/my loves /my life, it's not like anyone could be bothered to research.

It's not like we are worth it in the face of whatever book/article/shiny movement that PROMISES PROMISES THIS FUCKING TIME

to get it right.

and it's not like when you leave the door , you don't see very pot hole, abandoned building shitty train line that will not get fixed no matter how many times you call or scream or cry .

Won't be getting fixed.

That never getting a good's nights rest , that horrific feeling that no one is coming for you if you cry.

Might very well be true.

To take up space because every little bit you do is some that's something hurtful can not that doesn't delight it watching you bleed that hurts

That eating and eating because you think that space means you will be left alone

And finding out you won't

and losing and losing because you are just to tired to try for any real food anymore

To witness yourself being talked around and spoken around and denied while people make meals off of ideas that you even know aren't new when you did them and damn sure aren't new when they got torn from a woman you love?

Of literally people talking around the existence of women doing amazing work to one line cheer blurbs?

of loosing friends and loved ones because you just have no time to pick up the phone.

of letting others go because if one more person goes well you know you'd fit in more if you

and lying alone wondering what if they are right

of after every erasure and nastiness and theft and disregard

being discovered

and while you and yours decide between the fucking rent or your loans. Your jewelry or your fare

demanding to be sympathetic when someone isn't getting a fucking handstand over another bourgeoisie appropriating class marker.

demanding you condone violating victims because hey it makes them SUPER liberal

and by super liberal it means they watch the daily show and ask other writers to do their analysis FOR THEM


and bad mouth mediums that are doing better at their "inclusion" THAN THEY ARE

THAT EVEN YOUR REST PLACES

are

zoos

and fish bowls

where people can't say your name

like you aren't in a skin everyday that makes life DIFFICULT but you are so scary!!!!

and for what

for people who don't possess have the gumption or fortitude to understand the real work of writing

who would celebrate the dying of a industry VITAL to our survival

because they get to be "important" when it goes on the cheap but have little to nothing to say

to support a world where men beat a man to death for speaking Spanish and go FREE!.

To live a life like this

where your world is abused and hurt and dumped on and you have to apologize for having feelings

where people think so low of you and what you love and work for that you tell them there is death and murder and rape

that trey push you and push you and push you till you have no place left but to do what they ALWAYS want make it you attacking them

and then no matter what , no matter what you say or do, they get chance to leave a fucking room cause no matter what has been done is being done if they're uncomfortable they get to leave.

that you can't shake the feeling that is what you get for taking up any space at all.

Sometimes I am so sad I don't know how i get up in the morning