Inside Outside Part 1- All about me

I am trying to achieve some synergy between Sydette and the Amazon.

Personally I have long situated myself as an "outsider", outside the mainstream, outside the feminist blogging powers .

Outside Outside.

My first day at AMC I was in a space where not only could I see myself as outside, I actually spent a good amount of time walking OUTSIDE, as my body went OH HELL NO.

I speak outside my experience a lot because the proper voice, the voice I learned in my Ivy League/private travails is

Outside.

I had to be objective, or I had to claim that I wasn't doing the "inside" thing to be left alone by the rules I felt strangling me.

Some of it is bravery , hearing you don't matter and going f-off I do. Some of it is cowardice, hearing you are this, and you can't do this unless you this and going well yep you are right.So I guess I don't want it that much.

And it hurts to admit that you have allowed yourself so far from the things you love to maintain a proper distance.When I sat in the rooms at AMC I came with the idea that I would be firm in my ability to make contacts and progress as a media maker. And having family reunion.

Media makers have value. Family members have value .

Underperforming Fat ivy leaguers, platinum voiced non singers, frustrated writer/actor with MONUMENTAL stage fright? Yeah not so much.Weeping under student loan socially anxious,WOC, permanent ICE watch members,assault victims, hooddwellers, let's not even pretend.

Outside

I started blogging because of wanting to see even if it was just myself, that voice reflected in some kind of media.

And in someways over the past couple years it has become much more open and more prevalent.

Except it has become from the outside.

Topics are now " zeitgiest" , they are trended and compiled.

The subject of things that make me , race sex gender geekery, are new fresh and in demand.

The identity of it , the parts of it that are non digestible, that are not transferable are not.

Immigration is a great topic, centering immigrants making safe spaces for them to talk to be credited and set the tone for their work

Not so much

Talking about black women/people , issuing dictums and easily digestible pieces for non black audiences, or even having to prioritize non black audiences over black ones.

Can make you famous.

Being one often makes the act of reading news something to be accompanied by a finely tuned bullshit meter and someone to hide the sharp objects so you don't go to jail.

Outside Outside.

This phenomena makes news kind of easy to take writing steps and paths that take us outside.

Let's speak about events as snippets that we can skim or miss, let's write more and more about populations we are not a part of , or frame the populations we are apart of as voiceless by not actually hearing from them.

Because news is moving that way , people go to more places to get less news. Find ways to keep them where we are , show em we are worth it.

Outside.

How can we become powerful to push,not sustainable to live.

Except when I started blogging it was about being

Inside.

Inside the skin of A WOC, of a brillant mind, of a person undergone state violence,

inside.

And forcing the change and the dialogue I wanted required me to be inside my skin. To not be trying to get somewhere but to live right now.

Inside

It also required of me to be honest about seeing things from other people's points of view inside.

And while it sounds wonderful and is in many ways healing and exciting.

It jarrs not just myself from a position of outsider but conversations.

Because inside the skin, certain things have much more significance.



Part 2 What does that mean for media?