This Magic Moment

I call the 2007/2008 year the year I missed my moment. I could have been a "contender". I could have played nice and been "big" I could have been at meetings, I could have been on super secret special lists and in books!

I know my name floats around regularly with the phrases "angry" "unreasonable" " not nice" but most amusingly , one not to be talked to , to be ignored erased. She is always angry , she is always , black

She could be if she just

I could have been a contender instead I just get the look

the " I see you but there are important things so god forbid anyone know I think of you but hey I can't concentrate with you in my sightline"

the " I'm scared of you"

the " I did horrible things to you or watched as horrible things were done to you but any reaction you have to this at all outside of you know how hard it is for me will be completely out of proportion and you're so sensitive and SCARY"

the " I am trying to erase you from existence ! HOW DARE YOU MAKE IT DIFFICULT BY BEING WHERE I CAN SEE YOU! IS NO PLACE SAFE FROM YOU!"

I decided to do my recollections for New Year's and my desires on Christmas, because you decide what you want based on the life you life and the experiences you have had.

What 2007/2008 ( it's been essentially one year to me and if you look at my blog it reads like one too) has taught me is that as long as I must be invented, as long as I have to fight inventions, or play a game to justify my right to be heard, to play politics instead of being actually political , I am continually displaced for someone looking for a moment.

I fighting to be considered real. I am fighting to have reality. To be living breathing flawed, and willful , to exist needing the same things any " human" does without having to justify it as a special interest.

because someone doesn't want to miss their moment.

2009 needs to be a year where we are okay with missing moments. Life while consisting of moments can not be lived looking for them. Especially when the " moment" depends not on how much we are part of the world we are in but how much we are above it.

These moments instead of being or becoming these chain links where we can link ourselves to each other and form and weave places of safety and security and empowerment.

Are moments that are to make myself more important to make myself " a player" a mover a shaker or I can finally bend this thing to my will.

Do I mean Gaza. OF COURSE I MEAN GAZA. I mean GAZA . I mean Somalia. I mean Darfur. I mean Detroit. I mean NYC. I mean Italy. I mean West Virginia. I mean the "border".

I mean wherever that edge is where we fight and die and kill and protect ourselves form that insane other we think haunts our dreams.

The place where we willingly lose ourselves just to make somone else deserve the worst of us

Rose:

How superhuman do you expect them to be? is one question. The other is, to believe these things about these people--that this bombardment was all part of a sinister Hamas plot to sacrifice lives to make Israel look bad, that Palestinians are turning out the lights and inducing their children to cry on camera and faking injuries to pretend to the outside world that they're suffering--how subhuman do you believe these people are? How far do you have to go to believe that these people are so alien to you, all sociopathic monsters, to believe these things? That they asked for it?

I mean where I get on facebook and people tell me with straight faces that while schools are bombed , with white phosphorus over an open air prison it's the same thing as rockets .

That 's the moment. A moment where I can be powerful . A moment where no matter how many kids die, if it can be proved that we can erase something it's alright.

That moment where people are animals becuase it's easier to justify killing them

These moment's are even more crucial when you factor that making these moments necessitates erasing something.

TO have that moment of being " avant garde" means you have to out pace or more likely erase the garde to establish yourself.

Between WAM/Seal Press/IAJOT the problem that has come up again and again is not that there is an issue in the moment but that to be in that moment to be infront was not JUST a factor of talent

but a systematic and conscious taking advantage of the privilege ( and it's constant companion the oppression) of the garde .

It is to emphasize that at this moment whatever I want is more important than your life. The life you live , the life you want to live,the life you have lived.

and luckedly blessdly thankfully for me it has only been in the form of " missed opportunities" or bad relations.

for others

For others that moment is the last moment of their lives decided by someone else , because no matter what anyone says .

Oscar Grant begged for his life because he had a daughter, because he dreamed of moments , or laughter of highscool of college

but one moment was more important

Lostsonofodin(via LJ):

There is no explanation, because there exists no legitimate reason for it. The truth that will never be told, will never be entered into court record provides the only reason, and that is Oscar Grant was worth less as a human being. Despite all this florid polemic about living in a post racial society floating around, as a black man in America, Oscar Grant was worth less. That's why it was okay for him to die, face down, arms pinned behind his back, on a cold metro platform in full view of witnesses, because the tacit assumption was then, and shall remain, that his death, even if noticed, would go unmourned, and likely unavenged.

And this was no accidental shooting. You cannot accidentally shoot someone in the back, when they pose no threat, and there can be no fear of endangerment. The moment that police officer pulled a weapon, any weapon, from his belt in lieu of handcuffs any argument of accident ceased being valid. And the moment that weapon discharged into Oscar Grant's back, that officer became nothing more than a common killer, and nothing less than an executioner carrying out the will of a nation whose domestic policy has been for the past four hundred years that black lives are worth less.

Because that officer's moment was greater than any moment Oscar Grant could dream of, Because that moment when someone decided he wasn't still enough, he wasn't begging HARD enough, he was a thing.

That moment where people are animals becuase it's easier to justify killing them

These moments

We have to be willing to miss these moments

Dear Heavens can we miss more of these moments.

For Palestine. Twenty Five Things You Can Do

For Oscar Grant. Five Things You Can Do