Sunday, August 31, 2008

Best Served

It seems in various places around the internet , people are up in arms ARMS I say because the see Palin as a " pander" OMG WTF BBQ a lzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I'm sorry did I fall asleep ?

Cause frankly

I feel we got what we deserved.
( i know go on to agree with Sudy with lots more words)

Essentially we have reduced the experience of MULTIPLE VARIED women to tokens, hearsay and hegemonic kyriarchy

This for me has many amusing ( by amusing I mean gallows style) moments of just stupid some I have been involved in around this election , and essentially around the way " feminists" have decided they wanted to conduct their relationships with women .

Palin is what you get when no one believes you want anything more than to be indulged and fettered , rather than engaged and responsible. Palin is what you get when teh way you wield and identify power is observed and handed back to you. Poorly executed ( as Sylvia so adroitly and in a fashion that had me spitting grapefruit juice out my nose points out) but in essence a nice and succinct way for the way essentially we have treated women who are not able to boost the cachet/profile blah blah.

But the hew and the cry of " We're NOT THAT GULLIBLE" and how could tehy think we're so dumb?!?! THEY DON'T RESPECT US

Um ,
We don't respect us. We don't respect the multiple varied views we have , and when Hillary was running we were OK with that because a symbol for us was about to be in POWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We don't respect us because when I went to talk about womens UNITY I had to listen to the head of the organization that RAN the thing , say to my face that sexism was more okay than racism, and call my ideas ( read 24 years life experience of being black and having boobs ) interesting, and demonstrate no follow up after well it looked like I wasn't gonna affect her work anymore.

We don't respect EACH OTHERS OWN LIVES because to this day we still avoid and obfuscate having really , public, egalitarian discussions on how poverty, race, and POWER are effecting people's ability to survive. And now with a CATEGORY 4/5 hurricane coming down the pike. THERE STILL ISN'T A GOOD PLAN ON THE GROUND AND PEOPLE ARE BEING LEFT TO DIE CAUSE THEY DON'T HAVE ID EVEN THOUGH THEY DON'T HAVE HOMES ( just the whole damn front page )

When the campaign started and it became crystal clear "women" were going to react harder to shots taken at Hillary's face that Michelle Obama and her children's physical safety . And yes taking time to wait till Hillary is OUT of the race to care is reacting harder. Taking a week to comment on a cover on a liberal website while jumping about " periodically" is reacting harder or recently deciding that Women Count , also involves Michelle Obama.

We don't respect women enough to truly and progressively engage in a transparent non hegemonic communal life sustaining MOVEMENT that honors every woman's personal lived experiences.

I am offended by the Sara Palin pick and offended by the kerfluffle after.

Because NOT ONE , not a single one of these HOW DARE THEY WE ARE NOT THAT STUPID posts has included

A MOMENT

of introspection.

Sara palin is what happens when we SAY becomes radically and entusiastically different from what we do.Sarah Palin is what happens when we use the rhetoric of change and unity , to ADVERTISE our selves rather than change our worlds. Sara Palin is what happens when we make sure to ignore the ramifications of trying to constantly rewrite history and sweep shit under the rug.

How is it that we think knowing ONE WOMAN of color ( vaguely , often incorrectly and with HORRIBLE understanding) and only using it to show and often put other WOC in their places

or to advertise to WHITE people as POC are the subject never your audience of whatever random idiotic piece of nonsense that comes out the , about how now IS the time or lets all have a coke and a smile.

We have no questions for how things got to this point where man WOC refuse to even respect the idea of feminism. How many queer allies are completely fed up.

And itis not because we don't actually think of them , it is because we do not want the answers.

The exchange between Melissa Lacewell Harris and Gloria Steinem on Democracy NOW typified for me the way this has gone on in the campaign.Gloria Steinem as a white privileged woman feels free to flip and consumptive with the experiences of WOC and Shirley Chisholm specifically to use these LIVES as a THOUGHT experiment.

That literally a womans life is a thought experiment?

What disturbed me most , is that frankly Gloria Steinem didn't feel she had to be prepared, she didn't feel at all necessary to have specifics about anything she said, about being clear about what she's addressing in her editorial, and flaunting how she was MADE to address this because she has a choice. This is optional for her. And how do you respond to a woman pouring out the truth? And I still need my dig at Obama will win

People who read it ( read white readers of the NY Times) liked it. And can you teach me more.

She wants more conversations but lists no ways to have them

And aren't we WOC supposed to fall in line.

When women who are feeling unserved undefended and un represented are supposed to be SORRY and expect to be undefended because we didn't speak out enough?

This does not make me happy . It does not cause me flights of joy and bliss to know that women of color are undefended and isolated by both larger power structures and supposed social justice movements.

But it's real. It is real that literally they are few to none ACTUAL concerned efforts about dialogs on conscious raising among women not on privileged white, hetero, cisgendered terms. It is real that people who say the love women spend their times easing powers concerns by screaming what they aren't. at the DIRECT expense of those who are. That any critique of these things is " women bashing" or jealousy or misplaced. That we are not

serving the proper purpose against the real enemy

not serving the proper purpose

not SERVING

Because in many WOMEN'S eyes certain women are the HELP , and the though experiment, there to be used discussed, made to wait their turn and trotted out for convenient photo opportunities, how actually s hocked are we that the RNC feels the same?


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Saturday, August 30, 2008

RIGHT NOW

http://incite-national.org/index.php?s=137

http://incite-national.org/index.php?s=137

http://incite-national.org/index.php?s=137

http://incite-national.org/index.php?s=137

http://incite-national.org/index.php?s=137


http://incite-national.org/index.php?s=137

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Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Wake me up when September Ends

I'm sorry if I'm behind again. I hope to catch up by Next Friday to everything but ya'll I'm spent.

I tried tow irate something deep and uplifiting about being diagnosed with prediabetes at 24. hen finding out for even remotely useful food options i have to work more hours and listening to people bitch about even having that option. Meanwhile community gardens are dying left and right cause Madison's mommy isn't so scared of Bed Stuy anymore.

I read everyday about an obesity criss that we are so eager to fix where in peopelw ill happily encourage me to STARVE myself but need to conduct thesis level

Not working

I tried to write something thoughtful about reading three count em three separate editorials about how maybe just maybe this time feminists could take the time off their busy schedules yelling at white dudes to notice the very repeated and dangerous threats made towards Michelle Obama. That somehow forgot to mention each separate authors complicity in the situation.

I then tried to not vomit at the site of women going oh my pretty little head what are we to do about the misogyny and racism abound in our midsts, while thinking they deserved a golden cookie for deigning to listen to people they ignored before while wondering where " community" would start.

IS it just me or the fact that fortune 500 companies will adopt and co opt teh language of conversation dialogs and accountability faster than two political parties and five social justice movements i know of bother anybody

I live with the very scary reality that at times even GIVING A DAMN ABOUT THESE PEOPLE AS PEOPLE not tragedies, statistics, BUT PEOPLE MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS

I literally had to try and work through a convo being told that now is brothas time . Sistas got to wait.

I heard about how non brave my mother and others are for being frightened trying to keep their jobs

I keep hearing about how much they have to wait as my mother creeps closer to 60.


I spent a week being called " the help" even though I was speaking in three languages organizing two multiple orders and learning language number four on my feet. Just so i can be made fun of because I'm not cool and trying to consume my way into a better conscience ?

BEcause girls like me are only supposed to take up this much space

And I hear about machine gun deaths and machetes at my home country.

And burning rainforests and dying planets that can only be improved if we go green but hey that requires planning time and an abundance of knowledge we all have . Because now not only are we poor and overworked we're destroying the planet if we don't?

Let me read some more about how x isn't getting her proper respect while I still can't get people pretend letters a-w even exist until they need a relevancy assurance. How do I not scream when a sister has covered something for YEARS YEARS and people only even deign to wake up when it hits teh BBC t o prove how not like those bad people they are.

What's worse is how many conversations have you ACTUALLY seen. Did anybody see Gloria Stteinem actually show her self at a black woman's caucus.

Did anyone actually give a sweet flying fuck that forget obesity our kids can BARELY READ and college is more and more becoming a province of elite self entitled consumerism

Whats worse someone hurting your heart and not knowing or not caring?

And how do you learn how not to be mad at yourself for being weak?



----------------
Now playing: Timbaland - Apologize (feat. OneRepublic)
via FoxyTunes
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Thursday, August 14, 2008

WARNING EDUCATED NEGRESS! AKA Mids Year Review

( hat tip Blackfolk via WAOD)

August y'all AUGUST !

I begin this mid year review in a way to combine several thoughts in my head that have been festering and flustering and are now being hooked together by the amazing amount of stupid that is this article ( points up)

Please note that at this point I am kind of miming at my computer screen in utter confusion.

If that isn't a PRIME example of the things I have talked about I don't know what is.

You see this article exemplifies the intrusive, uncaring self indulgent malarkey that passes for progressivism, when it comes to Black Women specifically and WOC in ways that many of them have spoken to better than I can but today I get heated about being a sister.

You see MO's great crime, is that she is unapologetically a Black Woman. That somehow she made it to her age without making assurances to every white person in a ten mile radius that she was safe OR exposing her personal life for their consumption, or their own edification ergo she is unknowable and untrustworthy.

Except and no one to this day has an answer that doesn't involve hemming and hawing

Why must we know?

What about being black and educated and privileged and having a black spouse IS SO DANGEROUS that it must be explained. Why doesn't that comfort elites if all these things are the great equalizer?
*jeopardy theme music*
Oh that's right because it doesn't and we are aware of that.

And ooh one part of that clusterfuck got me and it got me well because of the past year/two years I've had on this blog and online. Is " that" jab . Oh You know the one , the one that starts with and tends to land extra heavy

" You went to an Ivy league School" what have you got to complain about?

You have to love that , that insipid arrogant and elitist bullshit that masquerades as " calling out privilege". How come when it's a conversation about Hilary we have debates on her levels of privilege but with WOC it's taken at face value we're whiney?

What's mot mind boggling is that in a two page article in the same magazine, Somebody gets right to the heart of the matter.

When I look over my two years on of the most astute things I was ever told happened at AMC 2007 from a member of UBUNTU

" The sooner you learn that you are not speaking the same language the easier it is for you"

The idea of this article is not to illuminate, elucidate, or even thoughtfully engage the Obama campaign

but to whine and postulate about what part of the Obama' s she is not being allowed to consume.

" Does Obama use the N-word" aka does Obama engage in any of those things that are "privileges for black people" that endanger our ability to feel secure that he won't challenge our entitlement and justify our invasive racist reporting towards him.

Notice for all of her in depth access her concern is not on any larger structures or experiences by the Obama's but on what she was not allowed to consume or collect.

"In fact, the study documented an interesting phenomenon: As Diversity Project sociologist Troy Duster put it, “White students see diversity as a potential source of ‘individual enhancement,’ ” while African-American students were more likely to see the goal as “institutional change.”


And here is where I talk about me, and why this shit is aggravating. You see because at the end of the day , this woman made money off this tripe.She exploited her privilege and her position to provide a racist consumptive view of another human being by othering her own stupid racist thoughts to a ) the hiding of the Obamas or b) what other people are thinking.

The fact that she and by extent we can not consume or devour every little bit of their lives means something sinister looms and that she ain't gonna be the one to say it cause she's "just wondering"

When I look over the many battles ( I am talking specifically about the battles because at the end of the day this has been all about love for me) that quote makes so much make sense.

At the end of it all the "discussions' about racism have served two divergent purposes . When I have been talking about a persistent , endemic , institutional problem that has manifested itself in a post/site/gathering/conference/organization/dynamic/book(s)/imagery.

It has without fail turned into how my jealousy/anger/stupidity general angry blackness is far to dense to see they have WOC/posts/friends /bloggers/one time contributors.

Diversity for THEM is the ability to collect,consume and regurgitate a safe perspective in a way that benefits their desire to be "good people" and not like the right wing/second wave/Republicans while not having to do or challenge anything that would endanger their ability to be front and center.

This resolutions have always turned into " How can I "talk" aka consume about your thoughts improving my site/book/conference/book cover/ my precious soul.


Which inevitably dies down once it is discovered that the people they think are important don't actually give a damn about my ass ( and by my I mean the people they sought to tromp over) and are assuaged by their assertions that they will be come better people, inevitably by featuring/highlighting/listening to some unspecific specter that is not the scary angry black woman.

ask me how many aborted contact attempts I have from "prominent" feminists who literally found a POC they liked better or had better things to do. Even more so lets talk about me having problems finding jobs in writing or women friendly fields that pay anything due to being a " trouble maker" for other folk I know AND myself.

Except this year a Black Man may be president and may be come the epitome of power and "blackness" may be powerful and WE GOTTA HAVE IT! ( mind you we'll feel it's AA or be extra extra touchy should you beat us BUT WE DON'T DO RACIST THINGS and should you point out that we do JUDO FLIP!)

Whatever it is?

and if it's not consumable . It's not intimidating and frightening or something we understand with out having to elucidate instead pointing quickly in the other direction at the " real" people you need to be afraid of so hey mind if we get that access so we can sell it to them as we claim not to be them.

Don't worry we're doing it for the movement/ news/etc

And that's less than two years if I included my life time we'd have BOOKS!

But more disturbing is that if you notice or point out that others are profiting form misrepresenting,commodifying , claiming

OR SIMPLY NOT BEING YOU IN PUBLIC

your playing the race card or don't know your allies.

And while doing this your expected to live, protect your kids ( familial and spiritual) ,your sanity

and if you succeed

well you must be hiding something and that's not why we let you in the first place.

Because the scary thing is you let us know what we're doing no matter what we say about it is not okay.

Because you have to be a person and not a topic to have " personal" matters.





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Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Random but Important

If anyone has ever taught this blog in a class

I really need to know

Yessum Masters app time!
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Waking up with an earache to this shit is fucking up my day

WAIT AN EVER LOVING GOD DAMN MINUTE

I just called out of work for medical pain at 4 am in teh morning

to read this

I


You knwo what NO

I'm gonna need everybody to mountit up right now.

CAUSE THIS BULLSHIT!

HE can feig n taken her into empty offices assaulting her and mocking hey an ENTIRE FUCKING CULTURE

but the Law review board sees her pick up one pinata and GUESS WHAT IT'S ON TAPE YA REACTIONARY DIPSHITS

and SHE'S IN DANGER OF LOOSING HER JOB?!?!?

Nope not even

JUST


ARG FOR FUCKS SAKE !


Contact Information:
1. Contact Pima County Administrator Chuck Huckleberry in support of Isabel Garcia. 520.740.8661 or e-mail: chh@pima.gov
2. Contact the Journal Broadcast Group, expressing your opinion of Jon Justice and the tactics of 104.1FM, and your concern that local KGUN 9 would be associated with an outlet that is so obviously NOT an objective media source. Contact Julie Brinks: 520.290.7600 or e-mail:jbrinks@journalbroadcastinggroup.com
3. Contact the Board of Supervisors, voicing your support of Isabel Garcia, who has broken no rule or regulation as a Pima County employee.

Pima County Board of Supervisors
30 West Congress Street, 11th Floor
Tucson, Arizona 85701

Receptionist - (520) 740-8126
Fax - (520) 884-1152

Ann Day, District 1
Ann.Day@pima.gov
(520) 740-2738

Ramón Valadez, District 2
district2@pima.gov
(520) 740-8126

Sharon Bronson, District 3
district3@pima.gov
(520) 740-8051

Ray Carroll, District 4
district4@pima.gov
(520) 740-8094

Richard Elías, Chairman, District 5
district5@pima.gov
(520) 740-8126


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Thursday, August 07, 2008

I ain't pretty

This post has been difficult for me to write because frankly it's been me trying to combine probably a book into one post. The awesome delux_vivens is having a WOC and beauty carnival and by gum I was gonna write for it

I wanted and want to, and will bring in my own experiences about being beautiful versus being pretty but this morning Wifey linked me to this

Death In Times Square.

and I looked at that picture and I said two things to myself . That girl is beautiful

But she ain't pretty

and that

That in our culture with our relationships may have contributed to her death.

There was recent kerfluffle at Feministe about pretty ( i was linked by someone and I am so sorry I forgot ) and non pretty .

I didn't really respond nor will I because I thought the post that instigated it was a judgemental sex shaming crock of shit, that featured no analysis , but I was not and am not and yes that includes past history , but also the way pretty is being wielded made me uncomfortable.

You see when we talk about pretty , I'm not sure we're talking about the same thing, not to mention to cling to pretty even in CHALLENGING the concept ( I WILL REJECT ALL THINGS THAT I SEE AS PRETTY CAUSE EVERYTHING MEANS THE SAME TO EVERYONE) makes me nauseaus.

You see in my life as WOC , pretty has had fuck all to do with attractiveness, vibrancy, or sexuality , it has had everything with a validation.

A validation that includes protection, ownership, and often the use of these things to pit women agianst each other, sometimes by patriarchial interests, OFTEN by racist thematics, and sometimes love itself.

Personally, I am beautiful. It is strange to say because dear god it sounds conceited and I am trying my darndest not to post any pictures , but even in the glaringly Eurocentric run studies about symmetry and youthfulness and clearness of skin and bountifulness of hair ETc.ETC.

I am doing okay.

I am not however in any way European featured , not in the slightest not by a long shot. My look comes with the music of steel pans and African drums some sitars and strings with a light note of pipes . My walk is all drums all the time.

I am always black.

And I am not pretty .


Pretty for me has always been something about what I had lacking and what I could consume to be acceptable.

In terms of my hair , my natural hair is beautiful it is show stopping , but straight hair is pretty. Pretty

Pretty as in closer to white more tameable, more feminine,

Pretty as in product of acceptable consumption , pretty as in made of the things that indicate you cna afford or a re lucky enough to have naturally this mark of prestige.

That you can wrap and blow dry and get that touch up.

Pretty is about a form of protection, that is afforded you in separation from ugly girls.

Pretty is something you can have and pretty is something that can be taken away.

When we are told about pretty it is not to actually define any aesthetic value , but to tell us what will be protected.

That protection is expressed not because of anything special about pretty but more so about what pretty is not.

The fact that pretty/not pretty play out so often among women is no accident. This is not about adornment ( what makeup you choose, what clothes you wear etc) and it often bothers teh ever living hell out of me every time that lipstick/ non lipstick discussion comes up. It is assumed so often that participating in adornment which can be cultural, religious, ethnic, and powerful., is about pleasing men and means one thing.

In my life , adornment beauty practices are very much about taking care of myself and asserting my right to exist not as a second class citizen.

They're are years old inside jokes about me trying to find hair product/bras/makeup that don't suck or over sexualize me.

These beauty items these tropes are made even by other women as sexual signals that can be used and discarded, put on and put off to the necessity of the " pretty" girl.

But what if you can't? What if you can't not have full bee stung lips, what if you can't have non hugenormous boobs, what if you can't make your hair familiar and acceptable.

We know how those girls get treated.

When I read the article I immediately thought to my few and homey I mean FEW moments at the club.

I have seen situations paly out in front of my own eyes, at clubs and parties. Where a group of women has one pretty one or one not pretty one. We joke about it in popular culture " batting clean up" "slump buster" " taking one for the team". This idea taht letting someone else engage the pretty one is a mode of Herculean fortitude.

The underside, that is a lot more frightening. I have been in clubs where for whatever reason the non pretty one was thrown out, drunk in the wee hours of the morning, and seen how her girls who love her have been enticed, cajoled, and often straight up physically blocked from going to her to make sure she's okay. One amazing show of sisterhood involved a " pretty" girl whipping out a phone and threatening to call the cops and start screaming.

She was called a crazy bitch as she fought out,

Don't she know she pretty and has it good.

I have seen women left for that same reason, outside VIP out side the club.

Worse yet I have seen what happens when they are played against each other, non pretty having to "earn" her right to exist. How does she earn it

Remember there are some things pretty girls don't have to do.

Pretty is protected when I hear it.

In the years of this blog one of the things that without fail no matter who what or whom . It is without fail one of the challenges is " she's pretty/your jealous"

I won't go to deep into the connotations of why that happens ( another post) but the threat is implicit. When I hear about pretty conversations I often physically retreat backwards. Regardless of what is being said the saying is that I am a " non pretty" and it is well known what happens to non pretty women.

I know personally.

Whenever I am brought up on the pretty argument, it has been about my not being essentially, white enough or white desirous enough of whiteness.

Or more frightening and definitely threatening have been used as ways to freeze me out of social situations where many women " prettier " than me had had social capital I could not access.

Pretty (also"nice""stylish"fashionable" "cool") gets back up. Pretty ( often inferred not always true) means/t that for whatever person had met a standard that now that access gave permission to police.

" You too loud"
" If you just lost some weight you'd be so pretty"
" You have such pretty hair . What does it look like straight"

And the one big girls everywhere know

" you've got such a pretty face"

And for some this sounds like mean girls petty bullhsit, being implicated as threatening for being yourself. But what happens when it's your job, or a networking contact, or a boss , or a cop or a bouncer.

Nobody ever tells you your not pretty if there isn't a reason you'll suffer for it.

And if by some magical reason you happen to still be attractive while not being pretty. You will be disected, and photographed and pre categorized ( insert other post on why I won't talk about multiracialism in non Carib company)

but you still ain't pretty.

And what's worse you come to expect it. All of my friends and family are big on me not walking to trains or home by myself

( let wifey talk bout how a recent incident has made her come up with elaborate payback fantasies)


And when I read teh article I was stroke by how in comparison to story about other women ( always white often small and "pretty") no one spoke about how it was unexpected that she had been thrown out and left to herself.

Pretty girls shouldn't be left out and all that.

and she's not pretty. She' s beautiful , she looks full of life and vibrant and i know so any beautiful girls like her but she's not pretty

and she's brown

and it struck my soul that I had no expectation that she would be protected in a club.

Because I had learned it myself.

And being beautiful aesthetic or otherwise ain't never got you the smae thing like being pretty.

It's this that makes me think nothing of being left to walk late at night because well pretty cute girls ( always whiter ) need help. Even if they hit on you all night.

It's the thing that makes even me use pretty to things when I mean precious.

It' s the thing that makes it okay to battle over pretty.

I may be beautiful

but I ain't pretty .

and more than we like to say we know what that means.
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