Part of my year end wrap up that is the month of December is to reflect adn get out the shit that is eating me so I can start writing in my own head stuff I like
I intend someday dang nap it to have the response to Joan Kelly that has been ruminating since august and is fun and sexy
Shit I want to be able to rant without feeling like everyone has to be deep and researched .
But first in a complete non uplifting peace making way , I just have to bitch.
And i don't mean naming names bitch I mean just straight out here's why 2008 sucked bitch.
Most of this is my fault because frankly I take it as personally as i take it and tahts my fault but to start off.
In no particular order Things I hate from 2008:
1)My statcounter. And what it tells me . Not that my hits are low but that there is a strong and repeated set of hits from similar places that center on FFF, YMY,WAM! blah blah.
Because people seem very interested but only so much in seeing some kind of feminist cat fight. The fact that the problems are left unresolved , the fact that WAM actually had the fucking ( yes I'm cussing deal) gall to have an insider outsider theme but hey you knwo all those convos that were sprung al over the internet got dropped when the figured out in the end , if they got the right names and said they were paying attention that they'd be believed over the whiny women of color meant taht no one had to do anything uncomfortable chaffes my ass.
Because the session I was blessed to be a part of was all about people who were being REALLY uncomfortable every waking moment of the day in their skin, who were in need and thankful a nd wonderful to us because that was needed were IGNOREd in favor for how hard SO MANY PEOPLE HAD TRIED
none of whom had the fucking ovaries to be in the room.
But knew enough to make a theme to " address the conflict"?
and that half of em spent three ofur days glaring at me , staring at me and walking into tables
and talking LATER about their duty as white women and hwo their inclusive
but had shit to fucking say about deaththreats
but hey I can still see you on the hit counter!
2) The 80's are coming back and I don't mean stupid peopel in ridiculous clothes. I mean homeless people and a huge gaping maw of a gap between the poor and the rich. I'm talking about a depression started where in people have no homes and the only stories I hear about are poor stockbrockers. I'm talking about folks who really can't tell the difference between idiot CEO's and industry and DETROIT. That while I am scared shitless about keeping THIS JOB while trying to add another , people are truly honestly gasping over 401K's. REALLY?!
3) BFP. No seriously next time I Read the phrase she writes about x y zed when it really means " she is ridiculed mocked and then happily plagirized " I may actually lose my sauce. Hey did you know she was named one of the most influential peopel changing your world, a FEMINIST BLOGGER , and if you wonder why no one " big" mentioned it I'm sitting right next to you wondering.
4) Peopel critiquing hiphop & R&B with no analysis of what it means to do a performance critique. I have heard/read about seven critiques of BEyonce's " Put a Ring on It" . Not a one talks specifically abut what that ring is so importnat to her as a black woman or why it might be important for her to tell her audience , or even attempts to try and critique it from within that context. Oh wait you'd have to care.
5) Consequently everyones SURPRISE at what was canceled at NPR. No seriously . When everyone and their motherfucking mama wakes up and realizes they can " include: black people and that they can find voices that will be black while saying shit that still pleases mainstream audiences , and have many faces that are EAGER to be the " person to call" for these things. Who doesn't expect that black voices that say uncomfortable things won't be marginalized. Especially since we don't BACK UP THESE VOICES. Exclusion was active and now that we have a black president and it's " worth"talking about who needs these voices plus they make trouble. and taht leads to....
6) branding. If you are trying to be a brand or a face , your trying to sell and not work. However when it comes to : race,sexuality,disability, etc. . Your essentially saying that " my BRAND of x is better than that one so listen to me !" Because truly in terms of things like that it's Highlander and only one can survive . And really that doesn't contribute to the perception that truly we are all replaceable. And I wonder how so many people have brands and demographics but no communities.
7) Speaking of which someone asked me on twitter why I won't even attempt to attend another non AMC conference. Cause I'm fucking bored. I am beyond drained of dealingw ith leaders and not people. I am so frigging done with another place where people aren't valued till they have a title, where they are unaccountable to anybody. When someone makes a concerted effort to actual detail hwo this will be sustainable , and acocuntable to all. WHen peopela start openly community building I will be there with bells on. But till then if I have to listen to one more smug audience of women tell me how much their struggle is cause they aren't getting everything tehy want and expecting women with les sto buoy them on faith. Yeah no
8) My own self righteousness and lack of ability to do anything with this. Like I bitch about poverty and teh like but am such a self righteous snob I won't activate for real sustained agitation against the bullshit or at least making money off it. DAMN PRINCIPLES! I can't even keep up contacts witha ll the people i know and love. Include in this no theatre or music
9) my own reflections on beauty. Being called ugly this and last year really got me. And it amazes me because I'm catching myself being a self important asshole. Especially becuase it's around these women Leo vanity on high but to think these women got called ugly and that gorgeous creature with the cheekbones and the hair was deemed ugly essentially for not being white(0:58)? I am becoming an asshole as I get older ;-)
10) THIS IS NO THEORY! IT IS LITERALLY DANGEROUS TO BE BACK IN THE STREET. I missed blog against sexworker violence day. ThisSHIT RIGHT HERE. So notonly does being black with any kind of body make you a"prostitute", but the fact you are one means they can beat you about and give you black EYES?!?! AND THEN ARREST HER AT SCHOOL. She's twelve. And you know what if my father had come up on me being kidnapped and dragged screaming daddy he'd be in jail for murder. That's not a threat that's a promise right next to my mama and half my apartment complex. When someone is real about how race and sexism and class and justice play into that and how a girl now dreams of being raped and cut off fingers and how they got action for that. Till then fuck erebody and I'm telling every lil brown girl I can get my hands on to run and fight back and stab.
11) The amazing convos I hear form one woman talking to and Indian transfer student and a Moreehouse brother about traveling in Amsterdam that no one is interested in having or building because frankly our movements could give a fuck about connecting people
12) Twitter I'm addicted.
13) My add. I jsut i never am one time or corrector focused.
14) The multiracial debate, that literally speaks nothing to privilege passing and makes it seem everyone whose multiracial is black and white. My blackindian irish scotch asian ass hates everyone.
15) That i still nee dto have a good bitch session to feel better
Friday, December 19, 2008
I JUST HATE 2008
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Consequently everyones SURPRISE at what was canceled at NPR. No seriously . When everyone and their motherfucking mama wakes up and realizes they can " include: black people and that they can find voices that will be black while saying shit that still pleases mainstream audiences , and have many faces that are EAGER to be the " person to call" for these things. Who doesn't expect that black voices that say uncomfortable things won't be marginalized. Especially since we don't BACK UP THESE VOICES. Exclusion was active and now that we have a black president and it's " worth"talking about who needs these voices plus they make trouble. and taht leads to....
That is a very legitimate point. I find that black voices are welcome as long as they mimic the language and the tone of white hegemony. Once you decide to be critical of whiteness in any form suddenly you are problematic or angry. At some point you have to choose between telling the truth and seeking success. Whiteness does not want to be told of its faults because then they would be responsible to make a change.
renee:
Part of that very same connundrum is why I am so against being " nice:
Because peopel SAY it's how I'm saying things, but tobe honest I am in no sense shape or form of teh belief that WHAT I'm saying is new. Also the the way I'm saying it is actually that hard.
It's not taht a large part of what I am saying isn't validating their very existance.
And you know what I don't want to be nice . I don't want to " get ahead" because frankly teh people who are most concerned with it
CAN'T HELP ME GET AHEAD
you either areintereted in teh truthor interested in teh work or interested in getting ahead and if it's the later your probably already making concessions so if you so believe I won't make it I am not a problem because you already know I won't make it so whyare you bothering?
Because you DON'T think I'm wrong and you don't want anyone to know that you didn't come in at teh head of teh zeitgiest or whatever assinine term your using now
so of course you use the most oblique broad language
and as soon as youget approval you use it to make sure I don't exist because i'm competition
AKA what every elder ever told me about post Civil RIghts
Email me?
--Delux
My statcounter. And what it tells me . Not that my hits are low but that there is a strong and repeated set of hits from similar places that center on FFF, YMY,WAM! blah blah.
Because people seem very interested but only so much in seeing some kind of feminist cat fight.
I think a lot of people have that problem, actually. Every time I do posts about any of the big contentious issues in the UK blogosphere, where an average post of mine gets like 10 hits tops, those get over 100. It's stupid, because I don't know all that much about those issues, far more work goes into other posts, and... well, yeah, it's like no one cares unless there's a fight going on.
I mean, your and Katie's posts about gentrification were really great and it's a really important topic, yet they didn't generate all that much discussion. I actually did one on gentrification, and I don't think more than three people read it.
I agree with you about the odd disconnect between branding and reaching out, selling and working, demographic and community.
And yet I'm not sure that never the twain shall meet.
Certainly in some cases, it's a calculated effort to drive eyeballs without thought to substantive results wrt the issue at hand.
In other cases, it's the reality that marketing principles, while associated with white male establishment, have some science to them, and are increasingly accessible to other groups. Some of whom are using them selfishly, others as merely tools towards a goal of increasing access to people.
There are two sides, to me, of using feminism, or anti-racism, or any cause, as a career. There's the dubiousness of motive that attaches any time someone in a helping profession, like psychotherapy, or counseling towards recovery from abuse of some kind, wants to get paid. But there's also the sense that if someone wishes to devote themselves to a people-centric activity, they do deserve to get paid, and to take some steps towards optimizing that.
love you, hate that I don't have time to say more right now
Zenobia.
That's what kind of scares me , it's an addiction to " excitement" or trauma that frightens me because a movement or work involves lots of just reading and trade and just not fun stuff
Octo
I think my new dilemma is that you know what if you want to brand aor sell or be more popular
GO ON and rock out!
But we don't brand revolutions we dont't have a special springtime scent of being against hegemony to make it palatable
At some point for certain goals I can't say hi I'm just here to destroy your way of life and rescind certain privileges cause well they tend to contribute to me dying
or that the person is branded as revolutionary with no revolution behind it and uses it to becoem more mainstream
my head goes boom
Please do make money but I'm scared when it starts diluting teh work as a way to avoid criticism you know?
*huggles Joan kelly*
I agree with the phenom that "the person is branded as revolutionary with no revolution behind it and uses it to become more mainstream," yes. Some interesting recent examples of that.
I do think the distinction's worth making, though, between using it to open minds to new ideas and using it as cover to become more mainstream.
Hi there! {waves}
The new year is right around the corner!!!
Yesss!
I just wanted to stop by and bring "Merry Christmas" greetings!
Isaiah 9:6 (NKJV)
For unto us a Child is born, unto us a Son is given;
And the government will be upon His shoulder.
And His name will be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."
Peace, blessings and DUNAMIS!
Lisa
Now I do have a minute, so...
- I'm still working on my response from a while back to something you wrote about fun and sex and so I will happily wait however long it is until you say what's been on your mind since August, and I will enjoy everything else here in the mean time as usual.
- I don't know how you could not take personally things that involve you personally, and also, somethings that people make out to be general-and-not-personal are only not-personal in their accounting of it because they could give a shit about actual people it affects versus general ideas of people, like "I just have this fuzzy idea of people and since they're not even real, it's a GENERAL thing and not a personal thing at any real person, so what's with the attitude, ladies?!" That's horseshit, and believe me as a person who's known her fair share of people who go out of their way to make things about them that aren't, i.e. taking things personally that's aren't personal, you are so far from being that kind of person that you nearly come around full circle to being that kind of person. You're all the way around the globe from it, is what I'm saying.
- agreed, about the obscenity of people acting like less-riches is the same or WORSE tragedy as not having had anything in the first place and for a while now. It's not that I don't relate to the fear of having zero "security" - it's that I don't accept the stopping at that point of it, the buying-into that idea of individual well-being as some actual thing that can ever be achieved independent of the well being of the-everybody. Not in a kumbaya way, but in the real way we're seeing - this planet and this reality rejects over and over again the game plan of let's ignore as many as we can while we get ours. Do I feel for people who are newly scared? Yes, actually I do. But I want to know why they haven't been feeling for everybody who's been scared this whole fucking time and for generations.
- I would like it not to be dismissed or belittled, the idea that a woman is worth loving, worth wanting to be with, worth wanting to have as part of your life, just because that idea comes from a woman herself and in the form of hetero stuff in a pop music song. When dudes stop thinking that the ultimate compliment is to tell me or you or any of us that "you're not like most women, you sustain my interest!", then I will get to work on worrying about women artists who express the idea that someone should have valued them who didn't.
- it's true, and it's what's sickening about publishing, or at least the way I experienced it - every fucking thing on the planet now is about branding yourself. So it's like - for me, why I write is in the probably narcissistic but nonetheless eager-hearted desire to connect with anyone who reads what I wrote. So intuitively, to me, it would have seemed like the thing to do when publishing a book is find ways to connect with readers. "Build an audience" sounds too object-subject for my taste but even that's at least a step above what I encountered in the way of direction from the publishing industry, including literary publicists and the like, which was: become a carnival barker for your own ass!
And it's creepy, and isolating, and bears no resemblance at all to a feeling of connecting with people. God knows I am not a person who turns her nose up at selling herself, I mean who would I fucking be kidding, but it's - hm, I just feel like writing, particularly as part of how one loves in the world and as how one fights for that love, it's a sacred thing.
YES everybody is right to want to make a living doing something they love, including writing, including if what they write for/about is the aforementioned loveactivism stuff, but I think about what it means to make a living, versus what it means to market yourself like shares of a stock you want people to invest in. Not even personally connect with your supposed product, but just bet on it, drive it up in supposed value. I'm not putting down stock brokers here, I'm just talking about how weird it is to me, to have that model apply to something as intensely personal as writing and activism, that's all.
- okay I just ran myself out of steam and it's bedtime-ish but I loved this whole post and everything in it and you. Thank you. And please pardon the ten-years-long comment here.
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