Cursing Agreement

" I worry [insert baby name for BA] you so smart and you care so much. I just worry that peopel would bring you down for that . People out there are scared of you and de envy you and I dn't want to see you hurt" wipes down hall table for millionith time - Mama Amazon

Is F U C K the only word you women know?

I’m not sure what the tripe is that is written above but if this is one of the best voices for a WOC feminist voice, I think you’re better off without her. Being angry and cursing A LOT does not a great mind make.

Maybe Black Woman Blow the Trumpet has some words of intelligence. I’ll check out her blog instead.- Mary

So my mother and a women I already really and truly dislike agree on something .

I curse too much.

Now usually this kind of drive by SIX months later would roll of my back like most annoying water, but it also coincides with my desire to do a year end wrap up and the anniversary of the germination of this little internet hamlet , so I am gonna fold it in.

You see this is six months roughly since I wrote this.

When I as seems to happen once a year I had to throw it in in pure overload at the racist stupid. I would say back track to that time period but as I don't want a stomach ulcer I'll make it short. WAM , Yes Means Yes, Jungle Out There,Seal Press, X and the disappearing of WOC, culminates in Salon Washington Post saying we are the destruction of feminism. Even better make/shift magazine has a great round up of the Seal PRess section in it's issue go supporty

Got It ? Good.

It also led to the magical upsurge in WOC "issues" on major white blogs ( the feminist ones weren't the only ones who paid attention) while still managing to disappear the voices involved in the conflict.

Now the project that will change the world, came form a LOT of places, my contribution came from dealing with ERETHANG you read above.

So surprise surprise I curse.

No as a theater minor, a singer, a Leo and most importantly to my mother an only child, my mother is ALWAYS excited when she gets to see /hear/read stuff I do.

And this was so so so exciting to me. And for the beggining of it so was she, till she heard that " only word we women know"

And Mama Amazon got quiet and tiny.

Same with the make/shift article I told you ( GO BUY)

And then she said that quote above.

I get snappish at my mother when she remarks about that, partially because my mom is now a born again Christian something she picked up in the aftermath of my fathers deportation and my own violent rejection of my own nunlike desires.

But what she said combined with this year and "Mary's" oh so charming commentarymade me sad. Thankfully not the hiccupy sobbing oh my god willI be fired, what will I be blamed for scaring the wife sad, but still have to write a blog post gonna regret this when I have to be up at the butt crack oh dawn tomorrow sad.

I cna deal even as I gnash my teeth and snap and do all the things a growing twenty year old does with my personal disagreements with my mother's beliefs.

But the fact that even without knowing , my mother, the woman who gave me life, honestly and truly is fearful of peopel like "Mary" and is so seasoned to it to be on the verge of prophetic?

My mother faced down her drunken father with a machete to save her mother's life when she was in her teens, my mother has knocked out her own teeth, taught children who love her so much they look her up at 1 am in the morning to tell her thank you for helping raise them. My Mother took on the NYC Board of Ed, and Private Schools for me, she is that fearless.

But my mom for all that still has to be afraid of people like " mary"

Mary who can't tell the difference between Blackamazon who curses far too much. Mary who calls what I write tripe even though she doesn't know what it is, and insists on commenting.

Mary who like so many feels that taking a deep dislike to HOW I write, is enough to discount how WHAT I write is perceived by a community she has no connection to or membership in , but knows enough to tell them what they should and should not like. Mary who happily professing to not knowing what is going on , what i write about , but knows enough to tell me my mind is small.

And MAry who thinks so much of WOC opinions and their singularity that her big insult is that she will interchange me with another WOC who she likes better( because truly we have the same opinion and will say the exact same thing I am just too pea brained stupid with all my cussing).

And of course she does it six months late and essentially to invalidate not me ( at this point I'm so used to it I in the comments break out in giggles) but the people would love me or be moved by what I write, especially since she ahs no dog in the fight or any inclination to understand.

I have written this blog for three years. In it I have challenged or spoke on, death threats,police violence , war,sexuial assault, erasure,rape,murder, racism,sexism, and general human life disvaluement that in my mind leaps beyond the profane and into the nuclear detonatory .

But some how what is happening is not profane, even Mary who is so clutching her pearls offended at my cursing, who has no idea what is going on but STILL HAS TO RUN HER MOUTH, who knows my mind is not great but cna not tell me why, who asks is F*** is the only word I know ,who while I can list all the double word score words I use, who will not care my SAT verbal was perfect

wants me to stop writing, thinks that whoever I have moved is worth less than her RIGHT to less cursewords.

I have written this blog for her

But more importantly, I write because of that aggravating cleaning hides my family tree form me Guyanese woman.

I write because she loves me so much, and i do her.

And she's scared of Mary.

And I curse , because in a year when I was erased , when no actual dialogue was attempted , I do really and truly enjoy being stood up TWICE . WAM has a theme about bringing insiders in, but if you think the actual people who were put through it were actually engaged I has bridge for you. All those books I ruined are entering their second printings,and every single person whose "life work I destroyed " has another book deal.

I even write for them.

but I could care less .

Because my mother is scared of Mary.

Because every woman who ever told me I curse too much , was more scared of what would happen to me than if I actually cursed to much. Becuase I never offended their sensibilities more than I made them fear for my life

Because every six months even when it's quiet a "Mary" will show up and try and tell people I love why it's wrong to love me.

Not because I am wrong, not because their wrong but because in addition to everything they have, Mary wants this to.

And so my mom will clean a table and try and make me something they won't take from her, or make her feel wrong for loving.

So here's one for you "Mary"

but more importantly you Mommy

I didn't curse.