I don't even have angry right now.

I don't even have fury.

I have what only cna be called a deep dark blackness at my center that doesn't come out very

often.

But it is primarily horrible .

Because frankly. I have no shock in this.

There is no shock in my reading this .

I watch it and my teeth grit , my jaw sets , and I think of high school, and college and borders, and camps and wars.

And I think over and over again that

THIS

is why .

we tell girls to watch what they wear.

THIS

is why we tell girls not to walk at night.

That

THIS

is why our brown skins, rounded hips, curly hair, slanted eyes , musical tongues

are constantly warned to be straighter , closer PURER than holy water.

because those things make us playthings.

Should we desire to fight for our lives, should we express FURY , should we express the right to even remotely illustrate WHAT HAS BEEN DONE TO US FOR CENTURIES for even SECONDS

we will be sent reminders.

You see that video wasn't just about Isabel Garcia.

This was bout sending about sending a message to brown bitches using one of their own.

Does it matter that the gathering was interracial, planned and obviously in protest. That literally

SHE ONLY PICKS UP THE HEAD OF THE PINATA ?!?!?

that this wackass has no beef with Hillary , Barack or other Pinata's ( hat tip Ilyka)

or even with it AT THE FUCKING TIME 9 scuse my language)

but that he can be famous.

he cna be famous by taking a womens faux body

whispering

it in her ear

and calling it love

That he can send a message to all his cronies about what we do with brown women.

ABout looking for others to share the humiliation, the embarrassment, about her body as a vehicle to be degraded , a place to assert his role in society

that a woman will laugh off camera because that's not something that would happen to her

a good woman

and make his name.

I have no real rage here. I have knowledge.

And that dark place,

that place i go to when I think of lil brown girls

that THIS IS THE TERROR your life is expected to be in.

That dark place that this kind of "joke" is funny this threat to your body.

And I think things I shouldn't that " good girls " never have to

and godo brown girls are taught they shouldn't

and I understand things my father only told me about , that long ago the women could be capable of.

And God forgive me but I ain't sorry.

I want them to be capable of again