Broken Record

First and foremost I would like to thank form the bottom of my heart all of you who have donated. I am writing my thankyous before the end of the week. Uh I am a l iar I misse dmy airfare and still need help! WHOOPS!Also for others and their support ( belledame cake will happen on my honor)


When I said I was feeling uncomfortable about coming back , I wasn't lying. I came back one because frankly grad school the great corporation it is needs proof that I am an " important Thinker" . Also it's my own personal thing but I can not deal with myself erasing any public record ( somewhere the wife is gnashing her teeth at me) , but I can't. I don't any more see this blog as just my spaces , but myself as a ward of this space and people have spoke and discussed in ways that barring my very real desire to ward certain folks off my archives, is something I feel I can not justify hiding from public record.

I am actively trying to break myself of that habit.

But for me it is very important because one thing I have learned about my time online is that given space history can and will be re written so that people can learn " lessons"

I am not okay with that. I am less okay with that when it involves me, and mine and the pain we are caused constantly consistently in the most flippant offhand un thinking ways possible , because people can not , and will not be bothered or troubled to go outside their own navels.

I am not okay with people lacking basic respect of the actual chronology of events.

While I tend not really to be concerned one way or the other with the opinions of this one way or another ( Once I got my " apology" and my friends had to watch me type my I quit crying and then when I came back that my peoples being arrowed was snark and the remedy was some uninvolved man running an optional seminar my pretty brown head exploded). I really don't like taht the article portrays that I cussed cause of Amanda's Book.

Not because it's untrue which it is, but because it sets that lovely frigging precedent of " oh this is jsut another slap/angry blackwoman/ just mad teh book wasn't what she wanted to be"

As I have said before I am not at all proud or entirely happy with how that came about but , that comment was connected to a VERY SPECIFIC conference where one of my loves was " jokingly" threatened with execution ( no apology there) right after another one of my loves talked about being ACTUALLY threatened with execution , and then love number three basically heard " We don't believe you, you need more White Ladies"

I did not denounce Seal Press cause of this book, they did not come here and try and amend a damn thing. They came here and tried to control and snark a dialogue and basically used juvenile tactics to do so. The apologies came AFTER the girlcott was proposed , the apologies which hey a link to them so folks could see for themselves would be nice but shh let's not get mired down in details like what was said., that ACTUALLY upset people because that would spoil a tone of nice white ladies here's how ya learn.

And this just I don't even know:

It' s the last sentence that gets me . BEcause really I am waiting in teh wings for them to screw up cause then I GET...

What might have seemed like it was going to be the blogger's version of hitting the big leagues— publishing a real, tangible book, maybe ending up as a talking head on Bill Maher, maybe even making a little money off your words and opinions—turned into something else for Amanda Marcotte and her publisher. It seems like Marcotte will land on her feet. As for Seal Press, I'd be interested to see what's on their list the next few years. There's a girlcott just waiting for the next mistake.

Oh right I get nothing. I get called a crackho ( and if you want I'll link you off site I am not linking here AM NOT).

I get to watch the ever entertaining spectacle of the disrespect of black woman and their feelings couched in apologies .

I get the HOW DARE YOU YOUNG BLACK GIRL YOU BIG MEANIE SAY BAD THINGS ABOUT PEOPLE MAKING MULTIPLES OF YOUR SALARY DON'T YOU KNOW ABOUT SISTERHOOD!!!!

I get love and support , and I get the often unsaid but continued reminder that for people who would disrespect my very existence that is both shocking and HOW DARE THAT HAPPEN!

But yes I am waiting in the wings for some more of that.

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So I'll be an asshole, because this to me is ugly. Not just a lil bit ugly but heart retchingly ugly.

Especially this last piece:

And I'm sad because I know there are women who are hurting. Not because their candidate lost. Clinton may not have even been their candidate. They're hurting because misogyny hurts all women, and because they have fewer allies than they once thought.

And unlike the people (including many of these women) who are feeling the same way with regard to racism in this campaign, who are licking wounds of racist attacks even as preparations begin for the breathtakingly awesome celebration of the first ever presumptive nominee of color, ZOMG, these women do not have an equivalent wonder to celebrate. They don't have a "despite it all." They don't have a step forward to point to, to say the pain was worth it.

They just have the pain.

And I'm sad because I see so little evidence of people who are willing to understand that.

See we don't understand we got a consolation prize!

I guess for me part of the straight up disgust ,is that for real they said this in 2008. Forty years after King, and Kennedy. Forty years after the brutal violent awful deaths of TWO men ( one black one white ) who were by many black people beloved.Who seeming to have triumphed, to have unified to have created great change.

Were killed by those who felt that change was too much.

That every elder I know , thanked god for this day and then proceeded to add " I pray for him/say rosaries/ask Allah to cover his steps".

This ignorance of what it means to black people to be in this position , as if we haven't been here in some way before and mourned it horribly. That we should be giddy cause this is a first! and respectful for Hillary's time to " mourn"

As if part of her being hustled of stage isn't because of how she behaved and let others behave while she was on stage. As if no one should be stung by the fact the thought even crossed her head to question the importance of MLK.

That she was willing to run on the fact that hard working americans , in her mind were white . and racist and that was a good reason to stay on, in addition to you know Obama could get shot!

You want to talk about questioning allies?

Lets talk about reading that as a young woman and hearing that older women who have means will gleefully and happily fuck you over because their pride is hurt. That the very real spectre of a court that leans so hard right as to truly make a challenge to just about ever gain made since the sixties , is worth it to spite you.

Lets talk about women " your generation" who through concession,omission,distraction, or even more scary agreement, stayed silent, obfuscated, hemed and hawed about the sheer disrespect heeped on your head cause you had the nerve to have a vagina and not think EVERYTHING MEAN SAID TO HILLARY IS SEXISM AND MUST BE WATCHED


or the sudden interest in both parties in the Green party also running a woman who the sexism,racism,classism , and cultural disrespect during her candidacy,career, hey life,just couldn't seem to peak their interest enough.
( by the bye the comenter who suddenly has an interest in Green cause you know this is such a slap , Cynthia Mckinney is never EVER to be treated as you "standby" , you disgust me)


I will also leave out the fact at this juncture that Hillary not even the first woman nor Barack the first African-American. Let's not let facts get in the way!

Cause let's be honest this was always tacked at the end of BOTH candidacies

" with a chance to win"

And that right there is what their mourning and why I have NO sympathy. It's not the sexism , the misogyny , the absolute exposure of our media networks as sexist and racist( because much to their blind spottedness Hillary sexism attacks were almost always followed by racist attacks on Barack and Michelle [yeah I know shocking she got both and she's not running] and there is something to be said about intersectionality but we gone keep it simple )

their upset about the loss of power.

Because here's the thing Melissa McEwan misses as do most of these kind of rending of garments( and more is coming) response will miss.

People actually concerned with the sexism and racism and misogyny displayed in this campaign, not the " barriers being broken"

aren't doing some kind of mathematical calculus of plusses or negatives.

The fact Obama IS the nominee does not even come close to mitigating the sexism,racism, and misogyny that many have BEEN saying has plagued the left , which has now become important as it is happening to a (white) woman.

That terror was neither begun nor exemplified by the Clinton campaign. Because shockingly it wasn't now and will never be hinged on the treatment of one white woman but the continued and disturbing treatment of all women in it's practices and dealings. But lets not forget that this white woman is the symbol of all women , yet somehow the actually experienced Rep Mckinney is a second choice.

Their is no transcendence for Obama supporters who shockingly may have been some of them a courtesy not even mentioned voting with their lives not their entitlements , in realizing that the fate of the nominee for the PRESIDENCY OF THE UNITED STATES is prayed over daily , nightly and hourly because it is considered to be hand in hand with the fate of Sean Bell, wondering will this man, this candidate suffer like far too many have for being black and male and the wrong time.

BUT WE GOT A CANDIDACY RIGHT CAUSE WHAT WE WANTED WAS POWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That may be enough for some people to sleep at night , but it has not now or ever been enough for FAR too many of us. And the thing is Hillary never saw that as she went from 75% of THE AA vote to single digit support.

Her " feminist" supporters never saw that as everything up to an including "boy wait your turn" and their just seduced by his "good looks" and " charisma" ( got love the black man as walking sex and the black woman as walking sex obsessed that never fails to sneak in)even though both candidates have nearly identical platforms ( except where he DOES BETTER ) .

Or taht in large amounts brown folk won't even engage with this anymore but , come on people who MATTER are hurting. Their being attacked by other people who MATTER , those people who don't matter with real grievances who won't even talk to us are SECONDARY, these people who MATTER won't let us GRIEVE . THEY CAN'T SEE!!


Maybe their right I am an asshole , because if this is what their grief is for. You best believe form me they get no rest.