That's All She Wrote

Never.

Never in 23 years of life did I ever think I would have to explain what fuck you meant,to grown people.

But as I sit here gazing at the black page that used to house one of the best resources in the world period.

Never as in the two years I have been doing this blog did I EVER envision the kind of heartache I would feel at a white page.

In my early post I said there was a later for explaining what I thought about the presumption that has run amok about " dialogs" "discussion" and unfettered bullshit that is in the blogosphere since wam.

But She is gone and here I am.

She is BFP .

And she was a BEACON to the concerns of POC on this internet. And she finally had enough.

She has asked that I NOT link and I will respect her wishes.

Someone should.


And I guess the little part I can do is explain fuck you.


See when I said Fuck Seal Press .

It wasn't an invitation to a dialogue. I didn't ( and still don't understand) why that was taken as anything else. I had the joy of watching three grown women . THREE mock my work , obfuscate , use derogatory and flat out racist posturing to protect themselves from critique, while using me essentially as a conduit to engage in gross bullshit self protective BUT WE"RE TRYING hemhawing.

And when it didn't work

When it was obvious that it wasn't enough that they had a press, that I had a blog I had created MYSELF for the express purpose of CREATING a place to do the POSITIVE WORK I love ( Jena 6, Southhall Black Sisters, general 23 year old happy stuff)

That MANY amazing articulate multihued diverse people wanted more , needed more and would HOLD THEM TO MORE

They simply disappeared it . To make us all crazy. To make it all just us screaming into the thin air.

Because that's exactly how this works right, slip out , demand it done your way, and expect to be served right?

And if it doesn't work your way, try and make everyone who witnessed a liar.

That's what happens in a movement/situation/press focused not on trans formative informative actually equal change.

Because when THEY say fuck you

What they mean is :

I want attention. I want to have power and if you give it to me, if you give what i want I'll mean it differently. We're not talking or demanding any change just our share. We'll work on supporting this structure LONG AS WE ARE IN IT. I am doing this to get/keep your attention, we both know if you give me the right thing , we can both USE the fact I said fuck you together to show how much the structure is wonderful and can be worthy


When I say fuck you:

No seriously I mean fuck you. I mean I find something you've done deplorable lily livered weak assed and tired and you need to pick up your grown folk underoos for you speak in my direction again. And you need to know this cause I'm gonna be looking at you sideways the entire time . Plus you come wrong at me and mine ( cause I tend reserve folks for incursions upon family) , me I might let slide, family tends to mean you want us to be in a public space near law enforcement cause depending on bad it is I may come get you. I fight fair , but I still fight.

When BFP wrote about X ( who I choose not to name cause I really can't break my computer screen) straight up fuckery. She being the incandescent human concentrated on how that complete and utter rewriting of historic precedent

ACTUALLY CONTRIBUTED TO THE HARMING OF WOMEN DOING WORK"S EFFORTS.

But once again we got to here about some FEELINGS!

There in lies the problem.

YOu see these women X, Seal Press whomever else will no doubt get upset that getting to do what they want often and without fail screws with the lives of WOC royally and repeatedly, while using them as TOTEMS ( We want you WOC *plays pokemon theme in head*)

It's the constant utter derail, pretending not to comprehend while STEALING YES STEALING .

IF not verbatim, than coopting for relevance and social cachet, weeping gathering the troops using the same in danger white woman tactics that supposedly they want to end to defend from those mean evil , ill informed always jealous

( Except I said fuck you, BFP said nothing and we're now almost guaranteed that a professor in charge of women of color TRULY BELIEVES we spend our days envying white women. HI you ever present hardheaded CLOGGED EARED ninny. I AM NOT BFP I AM ALSO NOT ALL WOMEN OF COLOR but hey you can't even follow proper citation arguments so at this point I THROW UP MY HANDS TO THE LORD)

so people can have bylines or more " diverse catalogues"

And my friends aren't digging themselves holes.


My sisters aren't GIVEN the option to swing their feelings and their privilege to suddenly disappear dissent or ScarlettO hara out of being held accountable .

My sisters don't feel safe feeling sad in rooms in fornt of stories of their families without hearing about BILL O REILLY

My sisters struggle again and again with doing beauty only to be AGAIN AGIAN AND AGIN confornted iwth ugliness for daring to dream of better worlds

Me and my sisters are mocked ridiculed for being brave enough to be what others HOPE to be until

My sister's are heartbroken, unable to see and think and feel and speak without feeling underseige

leaving nothing but blank pages

Je t'aime m'amour. Ma souer, mon couer. Je t'aime