In Love

Our session had one rule :

Speak with love for and about women of color.

And so said so done. I still am alight over this session and what transpired in it . Because we planned it from that place .

I WISH

I could say the same for the rest of the experience.

I truly can not fully process what when on yet.

I know i found so much deep love in my heart for humanity, WOC , allies, people working to be allies, our elders, my wifey, Detroit and this life of committing to work.

I also know at one point i got so angry I threw a chair , to go looking for someone so they could explain their Commentary to a friend of mine about her work to a table of women she had effectively tried to silence .

Either willingly or by me dragging said person to said table by the scalp.

Thankfully love prevailed and I sat my young hot headed ass down.

I know I laughed well into the morning with these women over trying to find pizza " lanky gangly goodness" and giraffes beating each other.

I know that at some point my wifey had to get up and leave a speech from the front row because it was literally too much to bear any more.

I also know that when it was need these women banded around us and more importantly her to make us feel safe and cared for in a city that OBVIOUSLY couldn't give a fuck. And when we needed we just SCREAMED in downtown Boston.

I know that I was treated as something to see. To be watched playing with my girls. to be perplexed over joking with my wife, to stared in the face and ungreeted as if I didn't belong. To have women regard me with the same fear and " shookness' . they would regard a person trying to steal their purse, to KNOW in your bones you had become a topic of conversation to the point that greeting the person after you in a space with a smile and a hello , cause them to jump gasp stutter and step away from you before collecting themselves. To have no words to describe it but bending over and GASPING for air while having your friends rub your back.And to have everyone pretend you must be too stupid to know.

I know that I was treated as something to see. To have people drive and travel and come to see you through pain and the evil that is Boston and to give them the love in physical form that however debated and considered you are was from love. To have an elder stand in your presence and bring so many generations and love into a room that literally you have to gasp from the joy of it. To meet someone whose work at one point saved your life by being " FIERCE ". To not have any words to describe it abut babbling I love you's.To have a thank you shake you to your core.

I know what's it like learn some thing s will never make you stop crying. And as long as you are you you can't be quiet about it. To know that those who cry with you are engaging in prayer. To turn to an entire room of women and have every single part of you want to scream obscenities at how when these things which destroy life's we are considered about the press coverage . To just pray so hard not because you believe you can be heard but because it is the only thing keeping your heart rate under stroke level.

I know what it is to sweat your prayers, to laugh , to drink not to be social but because it is part of your socializing to be determined to look for a party till you freeze. To laugh over no yahtzee's and to walk into a room of hotties ;)


It's a start.

My wife will be posting here , uncensored ( and she's meaner than me) , I will be reading and responding to the WOC.

Recommitting to using this blog as a part of community so please leave me links and sleeping.

But first i need to wash this off and wash it in.

In love.

Blackamazon