Four Hundred

So I think I have to explain the clues in reverse order to gear myself up ( forgive the dramatics but this is important to me and it's my Christmas present to myself )

#7- The awesome lady who through no fault of her own led to this monumental gift to myself by proposing this awesome idea.

#6- The gift itself the thing ALWAYS missing . The number 18

#5- The amazing Alexis Pauline Gumbs another partner in this endeavor.

#4- The Abbey Road mix of Transformer by Gnarls Barkley. It's my thinking song and contains what I will be talking about.

#3- The poster for the Chat Noir . In French . My second(ish) language , also the origin of my present to me.

#2- The fabulous fabulous No Snow Here . The other lady in this interesting, endeavor.

#1- How Soon is Now by The Smiths that right now really contains so many of my feelings right now about blogging and also what I am about to do, also fittingly enough it was released in the year of my birth 1984.

*DEEP BREATH*

Hi. My name is Sydette Alicia Harry ( 18 letters)

The real person behind the name never said, the ideas never cited. I am she , she is me and we are both Blackamazon.

I will be presenting at the WAM conference 2008 about my two years of blogging. ( SEE BFP I am taking a trip to Sudy but the big black cat is me).

I will be writing about what it means to be young and of color and how I have seen those things affect my perception , reception and interactions with the larger " feminist" community online.

Thinking about the year I had shit the WEEK I had

What would you tell them?

My Christmas present to me is the ability to go through with the rest of this blog for the next two years or two months depends with a clear soul. And a non heavy chest.

First I will be thankful to my ancestors, my foremothers and fathers and sisters and brothers and others , the reasons I wield machetes and love cats and dream.

I will be thankful for the Lourde, the hooks, the Esquivel, the Roy, the Jordan, the Hurston, the Walker ( both of em)

For ,

these

amazing

women.

Who

have

taught me,

Loved me

Worked with me

Cared for me

Laughed

with me

Laughed at me ( cause I deserved it)

Stood with me

and the others ( DD, NM,AD.LL,ROSE,Sokari,FF etc etc )

For the allies, who define the unspoken, who are stalwart, who are thoughtful whose support , whose interaction ( insert link to a blog by Joan Kelly someday perhaps) has been utterly valuable.

And then I will be real,

I will talk about how for loving "Those" people . For putting them in the forefront of my mind and heart when I think of community and social justice , for believing that they are not addendums , not puzzle pieces, not special interests or "factions" ( god that is a fucking insult)

I will talk about being REAMED for daring to say that FOR THE SAKE OF THE FEMINIST movement myopia and faux universalizing is utterly detrimental, that people who claim to be leaders MUST BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE TO THOSE WHOSE NAMES THEY USE, about being called stupid, about being called uneducated, trivial watching myself get stomped on over and over again . of being mean and just plain JELLUS ( that was simply MAY)

that when that EXACT SAME SENTIMENT is expressed not for the good of the movement but for creating ANOTHER one stop conglomerate

those same people who thought that idea from me ,from BFP, from PP, etc etc was not worth even ENGAGING us.

Gave out ten thousand dollars .

I will talk about being " included" in ways that always seem to be about , helping or " improving" places, and people and "feminism" that can sit idly by while I am insulted and now has made it public policy to ignore me

But still wants my sweat and blood.

I will talk about walking into bookstores and seeing BFP cited in books , while the same people avoid her concerns, her questions, and her amazing wit. But will see no shame including her work in theirs for PROFIT.

and me finding that em well WRONG makes me " jealous of success"

I will talk about the rampant miracle of various women of color ideas showing up miraculously reworded and un attributed

I will talk about how at the mere SUGGESTION of exposing the vast gulfs between sexual assault on WOC and white women of privilege

I have been accused of saying sexual assault is only important when it happens to WOC , that my words and activism are as base to actively try to avoid helping women because of their color as if I was some petty minded beast.

AT LEAST THREE TIMES.


I will talk about how that literally frightens me not because of the ludicrousness of it, but the terror it induces when considering how these same people think when it comes to us. About the sheer miserliness and racism that goes into such a thought process

and have to remind my self

THESE ARE THE FEMINISTS

The people who won't say my name, who call the proper respectful consideration of information "nitpicky joykilling"

That call righteous anger based off of real problems with lack of respect "factions" .

That will remind people to be civil, but seem to miss the memo to remind people not to be trivializing assholes.

That call reflexively information about peoples lives "it" or too busy.

That will without a second thought publicly reaffirm again and again that in their egalitarian future , a WOC ALWAYS needs a second( white ) opinion

that she must prove herself to not be "angry" or "difficult" or " mean"

And about how battling that has changed me has made me lose sight of the goal at times , of ignoring the amazing connections and deep things I should be thankful for

of how many times i have blustered and screamed and RAGED inawardly at these beautiful people instead of being thankful

and how they have still supported me.

I will tell them that I avoided using my real name in some bizzare assumption that it would matter, as if people who disagreed with me would truly acknowledge me or engage me.

and if anyone asks why i still do it.

I will say that it's because I am named for a saint who was beheaded and abused and who picked up his head and preached a sermon for three miles to die on a mountain that birthed ideas of love and lust and joy and art

because in the end it is the joy and the love that carries us forward , tied to our histories, surviving on naught but our beliefs

marching hopefully to places that regardless of death persecution and violence.

have always and will always

Bear our

Names.
















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Countdown to....

I am kind of unbearably sad about blogging right now and I have to make a " big announcement" for my mental health , below are clues

Clue Number One

The Smith's "How Soon is Now"





Clue Number Two

Clue Number Three

Clue Number Four

Gnarls Barkley " Transformer"

Clue Number Five

Clue Number Seven






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No name

So " it has come to someones attentiON"

using my exact wording hell quoting me that oops you used no fucking due dilligence no research but come to your attention

OR MY FUCKING NAME

or even reasonably mentioned how it changes your analysis

and got the NERVE to claim

IMFALLING UP is in

BAD FAITH

no for real


So my new theme song

" They rode into reasonably DECENCY ON my back but i go t no fcking name"
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Blackamazon in a bad mood

OKay I just recovered from food poisoning so forgive my crab

This

is that stupid concern trolling bullshit.

Really for fucks sake.

YEah privileged people that you get to assume that the most " out landish " reading of something is automatically off the table.

That whooo of course you can assume the best intent cause of course they would never say that.

That you can make large fucking assinine grandiose statements and have it ASSUMED people get that it won't fucking tax your civil liberties and FREEDOMS if unchecked.

But hey special, the He your quoting in all your desperate need to be fair and show how nuanced you are

is a TRANSPERSON ( but way to set up the kind of underhanded privileged male picking on women jab yeah you EXCEPT NO)

the disturbingly common shit

you mean among white middle class people?


OH RIGHT

and the large amount of state sanctified rape that won't have shit for a shoeshine handled by this ?

OH wait....................

AND SHOW ME FOR FUCKING SAKE WHERE SOMEONE SAYS THERES TOO MANY OF THESE PRIMA FACIE and not

There are too many of these because xyz ( insert some nuanced detailed statement that never gets considered until its coopted)

I'm glad FOR YOU you live in a fucking world where you can blithely pullout resumes as predictors and say at worst were no better off.

HERES YOUR FUCKING COOKIE

I mean you don't live in a world where the pill that lead to the " sexual freedom for so many" this great joy

Makes many LAtinas avoid a fucking doctor

or

why gynecology

makes many black women ( INCLUDING MY OWN FUCKING MOMMA)

or why when someone says this narrow goal will SAVE US ALL.

Makes a whole lot of us have to MAKE PRETTY FUCKING SURE that ANYTHING NEW THAT MIGHT PERPETUATE A DISCOURSE THAT ALLOWS FOR THAT UNEVEN BALANCE
REGARDLESS OF A FUCKING CV OF ANYBODY INVOLVED.( but but her work with means yo got to know she WOULD NEVER)

and the government would never infect soldiers

NOW would never hand welfare mothers out to dry

or stop funding for WOC centered sex assault centers
etc etc

EXCEPT WAIT THEY REALLY WOULD

CAUSE THEY DID

but shh we're being unreasonable and we must accept the BEST possible interpretation with all it's glorious intent cause That's worked so well for us before

And PS

Notice in this entire rant I never mentioned a name or person ( except the one whose gender you managed to get wrong) because gasp I treat work how it should be treated

ON IT'S OWN FUCKING CONTENT ACCORDING TO THE INTERNAL LOGIC AND STANDARDS IT SETS FOR ITSELF AND THE AUTHORS STANDARD OF VOICE

TRY IT SOME TIME

* is officially fucking sick of people and this holiday season right about now*

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Semantics,Pneumatics, Erotics, and Dirt.

I claim to be one thing continually in my life.

Loyal.

Loyal as dirt.

I am a dirt person.

I come from dirt people.

Not earthy , though I am that to, but dirt.

Not dirty cause the thing about dirt people is we know dirt, how it comes how it is , what it needs .

We have no illusions about it being anything but shit and rocks and the very stuff like is made off.

Earth is what you call it when you ain't never had to beg it for a living.

Earth is what you call it when you believe dirt even though it gives you life is a bad thing.

Dirt is loyal and I

I am dirt people.

Kactus has a fabulous post

( via BFP who has even more on how this shit is getting more and more awful)

about the power of Community and the fucking blindness of privilege to the needs and loves and desires of people who they for some reason can talk about all the time but can not see.

The dirt people.

When ever the dirt people come up we become semantics.

It is assumed that our " lack" of something makes our desires our lives are not informed enough, intelligent enough or cultured enough to be real.

It must be a semantic problem.

Cause we don't know how good _______ will be.

We don't know how good the new fangled solar ready houses might be.

We don't know how much this brand new science will help the world even if it depends on wiping some of us off the planet.

We would get it if we "knew better".

Don't we know that the condo that will suddenly be built on our community garden after 20 years of malicious avoidance of our communities will revitalize it?

God for bid if it's the only way the kids got to know Ms.Johnson, or if the Bells met at teh first harvest.

We are punished for our lack of greed, we are punished for our love of dirt.

We are punished for loving each other , and our soil and our bones and our history

And should we mount protest

We're jealous you know.

We must be like Gollum hoarding our rings from some great good

Even though we can't see it.

And our destruction is necessary for it, not our discomfort but our DESTRUCTION

but somehow fighting for our lives and homes is a semantic thing.

How dare we cling to dirt.
-----------------------------------------------------------

Part of why I started with that is that I must entire into a conversation, that I really don't want to.

You have to understand a lil bit what community means

and dirt means.

I am truly trying to take the words of Prof Black Women About not engaging the hegemon to heart.

So when I say I don't want to address this please believe I don't .

But this

This is my Sylvia.

And my Firefly.

But frankly this is my Sylvia.

But it started with my Sudy.

The post by Tekanji is incandescent in ways but I frankly disagree with it's premise.

This is NOT unrepresentative of the movement as it is experienced by many people. It is NOT a question of bad thought or language semantics.

It is a conditioned and well oiled part of the movement that a drive to universality and BIGNESS will always be privileged and encouraged at the expense of other women.

One of the things that is recurring in my on and offline feminist discussions is this meme of " WELL ITS TIME FOR XYZED to step ASIDE"

I am this clos eto naming it the Scarlett Johannson effect . Due to her famous quotes about age and the necessity of young women.

NOw I may attribute it to my historical background and my general not being the " target audience" but

I find this in a single word: crap

In multiple words

Ageist omnipotent megomaniacal CRAP.

Good heavens , it is ageism internalized as if simply not going HERE TAKE WHAT I'VE WORKED MY LIFE FOR, is simply some kind of envy of the sweet bud of youth rather than the actual consideration of , their own lives.

And since I OFTEN see this and hear this with NO SPECIFICS i find it really hard to not be upset when I hear it.

Real movement problems and fights are not just about people stepping aside, or simply trying to quickly codify and crystallize our past as if tit doesn't affect us as we live today.

There are no clean breaks

and if there is a need for clarification and building , can we stop acting as if dealing with the dirt that was necessary to get to where we are now is some kind of morass that needs to be fixed.

I am not like Tekanji I am not 100% behind the intent of the book but then again I am a WOC and we know how well white feminist intent has done us these past centuries right?

That being said I really have nothing I'm willing to discuss about it , good luck godspeed , have fun.

But the comments and the commentary as it affects tow women I consider blogfam DO have things that I will be addressing because

Once again the passive " civil" erasure of non mainstream voices and the subsequent appropriation of their ideas is happening in full force and to people I LOVE.

or as I'm falling up points out beautifully :

But that's part of the problem: this critique (that the actions of the mainstream/economically privileged white feminist movement appropriate, exploit, ignore, and erase the actions and experiences of those who are not economically privileged white women) keeps on getting made. And then it gets appropriated and exploited (see the repeated abuse of Audre Lorde's "master's tools" line), ignored and erased

My first problem:

Amanda Marcotte:

You’re really arguing more with the rhetorical posturing than the idea behind the book. I don’t think they’re trying to promote feminist in-fighting or denying radical feminist theory at all. The idea was hatched after reading message board after message board where guys were like, “If I do this, is it rape? If I do that?”, basically seeking affirmation that some amount of coercion is acceptable within limits. Their idea was, basically, coercion is *part* of sex, because women’s role is gatekeeper and men’s role is to try to wear down a woman’s role. This idea is why people can’t tell the difference between rape and sex, because we use “consent” (whether arrived at through enthusiasm or through merely giving into heavy pressure converging on force) as the model of when sex should happen, not “enthusiasm”. If these men were conditioned to look for sex to happen only if a woman is like, “Yes, god, yes please now!” instead of, “Fine, if you must and that’s the only way I’ll get you to leave my house, stick it in but please be quick about it,” then they would not run the risk of raping someone through pursuing pressure-and-coercion methods of getting laid.

(bolded emphasis mine)

No. Just no. First off I love how female centered pleasure involves teaching men and instructing men instead of opening dialogue with women. I also love and by love I mean do not comprehend in the slightest the fucking reinvention of consent. Wait i was raised ( by these old wrong headed feminist) that informed consent means when I am FREELY able to say yes or no and not feeling pressured. The presumption of heterosexual rape culture aside.

YOU DON'T ACCIDENTALLY RAPE SOMEONE.

you ignore their discomfort , and place them in situations where no is not a respectable option. It's not something that happens. But you see you can't market a book that revolutionizes and " brings men in" if you hold on to that old tired rhetoric of " If s/h/z/e says no or is in a situation where s/h/z/e CAN'T say no in comfort without fear. YOU ARE RAPING YOUR PARTNER. You can't tell these poor wounded darlings that and sell them a book at the same time, that's mean to them!

Except many men i know of VARIED politics have used and though I hate it for its own reasons this logic

" If she says no stop , if she can't say no stop,someone else will say yes . It's the law of averages"

SO Hmmm it seems that even in misogynistic user posturing guys whose only goal is to get laid can comprehend the if THERE IS ANY DOUBT STOP thing , but these poor little babies need to be lead and given step by step instructions?


Sylvia/M and Fire Fly ask the questions I wanted to but then here's where I get annoyed and start to get machete hunting

Jaclyn writes:

Tekanji-

Thanks for a great post. As a co-editor of the anthology (and, of course, the call) I don’t think it’s picking nits — you’re not the first person to point out the unintentional oppositionality in our phrasing, and I regret it. We in no way want to create or re-inscribe false divisions between feminists. What we more meant is that the concept of “sex has nothing to do with rape” has gotten twisted to the point where it’s difficult in some quarters of rape prevention to talk about changing the sexual culture as a means to eradicate rape culture, and we’re seeking to take that silence on in this anthology.

I do disagree (as Fire Fly asserted) that we’re privileging one form of rape (and victim) over another — in a culture where there’s no shame in women liking sex, where sex is no longer considered by reasonable, good-acting people of any gender, or by the larger culture, to be a commodity that women are responsible for controlling and men are responsible for “getting,” rapists of any kind or gender — strangers, dates, family, spouses, whatever — will be much easier to identify and prosecute. Imagine if the law assumed you could easily tell if a woman was having a good time! If juries had no more reason to expect a woman to lie because she “had regrets”! There will always be rapists, because there will always be sociopaths. But there doesn’t have to be a culture of rape, and that’s what we’re trying to address in this book.

A couple more things:

1) Tekanji, dare I hope you might still find time to submit?

2) Donna darko, I couldn’t agree with you more about the intersections. We’re looking for submissions that address undoing the systems of rape culture (if you read the list of suggested topics in the call you’ll get more of a sense of that), and we can’t do that without addressing intersectionality. We want to address who benefits economically from rape culture, how race, class and sexuality are used as wedges to sustain it, all that. I hope Donna and other folks reading this blog who are interested in those issues will submit!

( bold emphasis mine again)

*face palm*

What quarters?

More importantly what culture? I love how this assumption of culture runs RAMPANT and unchallenged. My culture does not have an assumption of women gatekeepers or non engagement of female pleasure ( shit we dedicate entire genres to female pleasure) , we have a rape sustaining culture, we have homophobia ( oh dear god we have homophobia), we have misogyny but a society taht doesn't believe STRONGLY in women's pleasure.

Not us, in fact many societies and cultures don't.

And that very fact has been used to render us UNRAPEABLE.

this mythos of our purported pleasure seeking, the culture artifacts of our sensuality have rendered damn near incapable of being seen as anything BUT seductresses,geishas, hot blooded black ass.

In fact it's not uncommon that a white woman is often portrayed as becoming colored when in touch with her sexuality.

( and oddly enough we've written extensively about feminine pleasure and sexuality and consent and gratification as many as ehhh 80 some odd years a go )

But guess what has worked.

A CONSENT MODEL THAT PRIORITIZES OUR WILLINGNESS AND ABILITY TO FREELY GRANT IT

or as Nadia says here:

and when talking about types of rape, it’s not as simple as ‘white women’s experiences’ vs. ‘women of color’s experience,’ (which i hope this discussion will not later be recalled as, not saying that anyone here is reducing it to this). i think your question immedietly points to all those who’s experiences with sexual assault fall outside the narrow definitions put forth in the call for submissions as well as the comments. why doesn’t “rape culture” here include rapes perpetrated by soldiers or cops, or perpetrated against prisoners, detainees, sex workers, undocumented immigrants….?

yes, often females are socialized to abide by the “no means maybe” rule of expressing desire (this has been my experience in middle class midwest american suburbs). rapes that result from social codes encouraging men to push and coerce women into sex do not make up a rape culture all by themselves. the commodification of women’s bodies and sex that occurs in these rapes is not the only way that women’s bodies are commodified.

why is it necessary to narrow the definition of rape? so that privileged women can eliminate “rape culture” as it exists in their realitys and claim it as a feminist victory, while ignoring rape culture as it exists in so many other contexts? same shit, different day!

It's that pesky universality you see, when you believe that age race and class are "wedges across markets"rather than lived experiences and are willing to be that loose with defining peoples lives. Why wouldn't it strike you as perfectly okay to say culture and mean one thing and ASSUME everyone understands it, it's also great to concentrate on economic benefits, because really if we did a REAL social , cultural , colonial analysis it doesn't come out looking so clear cut does it?

Tranforming a Rape Culture brought attention to the g’dam u-g-l-y truth that rape is brought forth from messed up ideals from our own society. WE did this. It’s not just men, it’s all of us with out stinking hands and poor excuses. It’s in everything we touch and ignore.

Edited to add that's Sudy making all kinds of sense.

Or as Alexis says at Firefly's:

am also confused about how that framing reflects on our forecloses some of their bullet points, and I think I may just disagree about the economic politics of sex here…because a “desegmented market” that allows people to organize across races/classes whatever is still a “market”

Many people not really gonna be or WANT to be included if we're back in a market place.

Plus my wife says( she is both cute and smart):

This ignores teh fact that there are women who are flat out attacked and raped who experience physical pleasure and orgasms. It is dangerous to be unclear in training men to think sex is okay if a woman has pleasure even if she is clearly not in an orgasmic mindstate.

Yeah that whole thing. That people who are raped often HAVE SEXUAL responses. Indicate sexual pleasure and part of their recovery is reclaiming asexual response after they felt IT BETRAYED THEM BY HAVING PLEASURE.


Why am I so detailed cause I'm coming up on the why I am FUCKING PISSED.

All of this all of these points are asked, are discussed in some form PRE THIS POST.

And maybe people are right cause it's my Sylvia and my Firefly and my donna I'm not a good person to speak on it ( like that's ever stopped me)

But I don't at all appreciate the ease in which these dense nuanced points are allowed to be characterized as "scare quotes"

I'm pretty much done with the frigging presumption that a catering to a white hegemonic privileged discourse is a lot of people.

Cause news flash Roy it AIN'T.

It's a specific subset and frankly the " victim victim" bullshit of reframing a rape survivor by only her identity just sliding.

DISGUSTS ME.

Please lets focus on how a violent act defines a woman. And still think we are "changing rape culture"

Hello concern trolling

Hello privilege blindness and a healthy doubt are you sure of what your saying lil brown girl.

No .

Not to my fam.

SO you know what there should be a discussion on women's sexuality. There SHOULD be an honest ENGAGING VARIED dialogue on how women interact how we create movements and how we construct sex.

I hope this book actually achieves that . But with this framing this addressing of the issues and the scary rehash already of the discussion dynamics.

It won't , and whatever happens happens

But I am dirt people and it always comes back to us.


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One or six all the same thing

Now this is that stuff.

Jena Developments


Welcome to what happens in a system of racism.

This what we call six for one justice.

This is what happens when a DA is allowed to leverage PRIOR crimes against current ones.

When he siaid that with a stroke of the pen he could wipe away their lives.

He wasn't kidding.

To save himself Mychal Bell makes a deal that will instantly take down SIX DIFFERENT people.

Because it doesn't matter that they are different people.

They are young black men

six of one half a dozen of the other

even though the evidence is flimsy

the fact is one of those black boys was " violent" and a career criminal

Therefore all of them must be,and if he says so it MUST be true.

Notice how he suddenly develops credibility if he's willing to tell on other little brown boys.

The same boy who couldn't be trusted

Who had to be a liar

becomes credible and worthy

with years of prison over his head

and because he's black them five other boys must be the same way

But lets focus on the nooses

lets focus on the things that obviously make us feel bad

Not on the things we all are comfortable with

The idea that all people of color can be stood for by one

That black people aren't complex

That snitching is about a moral failure rather than the propensity of snitching to destroy multiple lives

That POC and poor lives are perfectly worth gambling on in our eyes

That one must be perfect to defend oneself

Lets concentrate on the nooses the physical hangings that we can be shocked and appalled at the ones that remind us of the times we all stood around and watched young boys treated as meat.

Or maybe we're to afraid that they hit too close to home

That we still stand around and watch young boys get hanged

and instead of penises and fingers as souvenirs

we take their freedom and their individuality

and it's easy

cause lil brown boys never had it in the first place
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SWEET BLESSED HOLY FUCK!

ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

http://www.allaboutrace.com/2007/12/14/mychal-bell-as-prosecution-star-witness-jena-six-update/


Talk later screaming now.
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Drunk and open

As promised I am sitting in front of a computer hiccuping and dreamy on hour 22 of a two hour day and

DRUNK.


See in college when I was this exhausted/toasted it was after a show that tended in me having cyber sex with the same boy. I did most of the heavy lifting /typing it was something I

NEEDED

Three sheets in the wind I think my big question is why we don't treat sexual desire and autonomy as something that is needed.

You see that was part fo my nunnery decision and part of my reason for leaving.

I Was an early late bloomer

Late in that I ma what 7 or five years out side the LOSE YOUR VIRGINITY time line ( and most of modern science wants to insure I am some sort of bygone era HEffa lump destined for a life time of problems for it)

but I been freaking out OTHER people about consent since i was a wee one.

I had my first orgasm at like 6 and though even at 10 my mom had a small nervous break down about me masturbating

I still do it

And why

Cause i Need it.

If I don't get a nut at LEAST three times a week . I'm a hellion . I'll eat anything i can or be generally the devil .

And it's serious SERIOUS a part of my general make up.

ANd to be honest a good part of my nun desire was the hope of curing it.

" Curing"

Yes there was a pioint i asked to be cured of my 5 minute orgasms and oral fixation.

ANd remember I'm 23 I'm post OUr bodies ourselves, whats happening to our bodies, etc etc

Also remember I'm black( mixed)

TtHe shame I received was interesting because the same culture that taught me hip rolls, and prized my flexibility and kept me in oils , and juices and layers upon layers of sensual delights

as a practice.

Was the same culture that urged me to SQUASH It if I was to fully pursue my goals as an " intellectual"

in a white world

As if it was a choice.


Ses petit my thought is that sexual care fits int o self care because it is an admission of yourself and the right to live as that self

and drunken me wanted to be pressed face down in a sheet, one hand on a keyboard listening to squelching noises as i spun fantasies about sucking some dudes very life essence out of his penis and begging to finish.

However that pleasure while intrinsic is not without responsibility.

Far too often in both the glamour cosmo blah blee world AND in some bastions of feminisms ( I am drunk I don't feel like referencing)

The goal seems to be this mindless " It's okay you SHOULDN't HAVE TO WORK To get off /get rights/ enjoy sex"

and the only thing i can come up with is

Is that that stance makes it easier to sell us shit

Audre Lourde's

USes of the Erotic was a great analysis of how the process of arousing our erotic sensibilities was an AMAZING tool in learning to be revolutionary and caring for our selves.

IT 's easier to skip that step.

BEcause far two many people don't like what happens when we do.

We start doing things like burning gender ( side note: I work with the world s most adorable posturing baby butch)

Questioning movements taht don't factor in our own erotic capabilities r sensibilities

Eroticism that exchange can not be built on NARCISSISM at least not healthy erotics.

many of thes e" pleasure guides" ( that i ocmebd as a hornball and a sex counselor) mad eno bones about coopting cultural signifiers from INdia West Africa to pursue NArcistic sexual aims.

IN so much as

" IT'S ALL ABOUT ME"

is NOT THAE SAME AS

I AM WORTH DOING WHAT I FIND PLEASUREABLE

The last one that one is where revolutions happen , not in the masturbating for peace vein but in the if a woman or man ctrans or cisgendered

Truly knwo what insecurities , sensualities and commonalities allwo them to put them in THE MOST VULNERABLE of situations PERSONALLY

it becomes monumentally harder to lead them and steer them.

I KNOW
because as soona s I realized that oral fixated hand on her chocha , big titted bitch in me wasn't going awya

I was less susceptible to teh suggestions she should .

and this was not the discovery of my inner dominatirix ( though I walk like one) but the discovery of an oral fixated spankable cock hungry nymphet.

who ye sstilla virgin

and not in theis incredibly spreading

ITS OKAY I WONT BE ASHAMED ITS CUTE AND ADVERTISE ABLE WAY

but in the

This is what i need and i wont accept anything else nor

WILL I LET ANYTHING or anyone try and sell me ANY OTHER VERSION OF IT

PEtit imagine what movement full of people thinking like that loosk like

instead of trying to norm down

Question for you: Please elaborate on the heteronormative bias because thast a whole nother fine kettle of fish that i want to SCREAM about but still drunk.

Also comments open and since i wrote it honest while drunk ill answer honest while sober!

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WOOT!

THE NEWSPAPER IS DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have only one more TWENTY HOUR DAY

then I'm gonna post in response to petit!

And i"ll do it drunk!

or tired whichever.

Either one takes my already low filter and renders it non existant

cause remember how I said I'd talk about the nun thing and the sex thing.

HERE SHE COMES
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I got my music.

There is no difference between writing about feminism and making R&B music.- deluxvivens

See it's in the music , the ska , the cumbia, the chants.

It is in the music.

I was feeling a major kind of way behind many of the "Developments" in the past weeks of the blogosphere.

And by kind of way I mean I cried my self to sleep.

You see I feel a bit scared now, to write on events I was a part of because as " women of color" , If I have an opinion I am just continuing a " joy killing narrative" or " someone just hacking away behind a keyboard"

So I immed delux and was being me all deep thinky and " I'm to smart for this shit and WHY ME WHY ME"

And then delux said that and it all made sense.

It's in the music.

The evolution of American/WESTERN HEMISPHERE popular music begins with African slaves and comes form our blood sweat tears and experience and triumph.

And too this day we are not payed properly for it .

Because it is believed that the creations of POC if they are deemed acceptable or "good" are without question fair game.

There is still abelief that we and our work is on the auction block, in the fields, or the camps.

This was not about anyone saying my name , this was bout the very privileged ery white belief that anything I said , if it was worth addressing publicly did not come from me but was theoretical and or rhetorical .

OR it's a mysterious exotic odalesque to be marveled at or used to improve one's intellectual cachet.

Ilyka , you see my main issue is that affirming " I'm black and I love..." way that usually makes everyone feel like they have completed their proper progressive white liberal list. Quoting me doesn't make you feel good .

But erasing me form the picture repackaging it as a open source idea or as a scourge to the true goals of feminism,liberalism, the great spaghetti monster

That's from the music.

That meme is part of the history of the movement and the country.

There is a marked difference between what is " created" and what is marketed.

R&B is called Rhythm and Blues. It was music started out of BOTH the deep sorrow and musicality of a culture being INVENTED at a crossroads.

Now it's called " sex music, quiet storm, or booty music"

But makes BILLIONS of dollars as the forebears of Rap ,rock, punk , emo,ska ,R&B pop death metal.......

Part of the OH MY GOD I GET IT THANK YOU for me in that quote from delux is the language used to characterize these discussions and the paper she linked.

WHen we talk about R&B music and POC writings and POC cultural criticism.

It's always emotional , or cultural , or feral and visceral.

It's shit you can't sell or fund raise for , it's that messy stuff you have to BE or DO to understand.

However white , or upperclass, or able bodied analysis, work, marketing

That's " intellectual property rights" or " mis characterizations of hard work"

Don't you get it when white people do it it's difficult , and requires support and lots and lost of cheerleading and extra special protection.

Or if the recognize it in one instance out of the MANY , it's the SINGULAR example of brilliance , acultural and has nothing NOTHING To DO with those brown people over there and the culture they created.

It has nothing to do with that black girl over there , that Filipina over here, that Cherokee , that Puerto Rican , and less to do with their cultures.

It's a GENERAL ADVANCEMENT AND WE CAN STEAL IT OR USE IT AS WE SEE FIT!

BFP nails it so fucking BEAUTIFULLY with her analysis of Tina

It's difficult to love and respect a Tina that's being abused, now that we understand what was happening to her.

That would mean that music and power and GREATNESS comes from people were conditioned to ignore and steal from.

That both Tina and Ike never got their due ( and how that may have factored into Tina's terror at leaving Ike) from the recordings they made, is a huge part of her " phoenix like rise".

For Tina to be a survivor in our culture means we HAD to make a victim out of her first.

That this musical GENIUS ( you do proud mary in heels, design costumes, and perfect that growl ) was blatantly stolen from, only charted on black charts, even as white artists ADMITTED TO using her as a touchstone.

And still is over looked when it comes to her place in rock history.

And is commended for being willing to DIE above all

makes my situation PERFECTLY understandable.

I'm a lil black girl with a keyboard .

I can't expect better.

It's in the music .

You see regardless of what folks think , POC are always and forever making that music.

Words with rhythm tied to emotions , and deeply connected to the things we LIVE.

And writing about feminism ain't no different from making music.

Because of course this thing we make this thing that we see appropriated or ignored or transformed that comes form our lives and the oppressions and " concern" or " crying cause I worked really hard"

That work continually to silence our voices, come damn nigh close to plagiarizing us and coopting us for resources

That gets us kicked in the teeth and ABUSED. That leaves GREAT musicians and writers watching their concepts become worldwide standards while they are flooded out of their homes ( HELLO BO DIDLEY) or never truly placed in their WORLD TURNING place in history ( Hello Momma THORTON)

That we would express that rage , that we would express that rage that we would fight for our creations

and watch as the people who benefit to this day from a structure designed to silence us while advancing others for BEING LIKE US AND STEALING FROM US both HISTORICALLY and PRESENTLY ( Justin Timberlake how I GLARE AT YOU)

and getting to shrug their shoulders and say " BUT WHAT DO U WANT ME TO DO"

Must be in service to white people.

(Chris Clarke with win all over him ALL OVER.)

because for real what attachment do we have to our work and our lives but how best to serve white folks.

Even now we make beautiful music. About our lives and things that are said to us that we live

about both the fierceness of our pain and the magnificence of our humour with it ( and the gorgeousness of our " ugly jealous"ness what my Sudy is beautiful)

And instead it becomes about how BAD one white girl feels.

Cause that what the music does if your privileged and get it wrong. It was intellectual and" honestly misunderstood"

" feel embarrassed" for those who would call you on your bullshit

You get to hide behind the fact that this system has never done any better , it's what has coddled you and protected you and if we are to do better we must stop drop and adjust so it doesn't pick on you but the "real enemy"

Or we have to be more academic because " you can't follow"

or if it really goes south if it becomes obvious it's really out of your hands how badly you have allowed things to be.

if you "good faith steps "

aren't enough.

We can start foundations were those who stood bye while this happened are no in charge of saving those they hurt ( oh the royalties game in music today how i wish to castrate you with a spork)

Where we can create " communities"

That all report to the same people who never have been all that into Communities.

You know those things were multiple destinations, are created. Where those in charge are accountable to those they represent. Where fixing a wrong is treated with just as much pomp and circumstance as being right and " correcting misconceptions"

Where we build up and shore up and defend our history and it's dynamic ability to grow and change by giving it it's due honor rather than slavishly trying to create the newest thing we can be in control over and slap our names on.

The hard work.

The work that comes from performing with someone who rapes you in front of crowds that call you names.

Where your "allies" steal from you and consider themselves enlightened. Or ignore you and simply try and use the concepts that were gifted in your ancestral bones to make " one stop shops"

As if this music could be created in a mall and not in the blood.

Because obviously if " these people" can do it.

You must be able to do it better.

And by do it better I mean get paid for it.

Writing about feminism ain't no different from making R&B music.

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Sold and Shared.

I am so tired I could die so please excuse the general cranky smutty that this post will generate as I have no developed the habit of having to write

No Seriously?

Yep Seriously.

NO SERIOUSLY?!


I Wonder at this point for serious, why the fuck i even bother.

Happy now .

Call this bitchy call this fucking evil call this teh beggining of the barrage.

But

MY FUCKING GOD

Do you want their government names, addresses , church memberships.

Would you like my CV?

Octa has it

OR maybe Sylvia's college transcript.

Possibly Bint's fucking medical file.

I mean that's what it seems it;s gonna take for people to get it through their thick skulls?

That we are peopel ?

THat we live lives and make choices and decisions and are well and intelligently equipped .

Maybe if I told you that I work nine hour shifts so i can have health care

FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE ( after the Ivy League degree , know the difference between me and my " finding themselves peers" Our parents back accounts)

Or maybe if we made a sex worker point out x,y, and zed of why they chose sex work over the MYRIAD of other options available ( wait you mean there aren't necessarily myriads of options)

Or maybe if the idea of consent and respect was sexy and media challenging enough for you.

Maybe if the idea of HAVING To EARN A LIVING being paramount besides the feminist implications of it was on your mind, you might might have some semblance of decency and respect when it came to talking about sex workers and WOC before you OPENED YOUR MOUTH.

maybe if FOR ONCE IN YOUR FUCKING DAYS, when you thought of women you thought of not nebulous points of data but really human beings having to survive with grades, or aches or pains, or loves and needs and desires and people of flesh and bone

and not this group " always in quotations"

that seems to pick up and harm you for going about your privileged way

MAYBE IF JUST ONCE

FOR GOD SAKE MAYBE YOU THOUGHT OF US BEFORE NOT AFTER

you opened you mouth to find new way to " solve problems" " save girls like YOU" " or get as much POWER consolidated under one roof as possible to extend your fucking /reach /brand/type of feminism"

Maybe if you understood what it was like to ONLY have you wits and your identity.

And to have to fucking scream at the top of your lungs juts to get people not to try and buy and sell and " aside " it like a fucking poker chip

Maybe then you'd get it.

If I told you I was stunningly beautiful, I get stopped on the streets everyday If i told you I was off the charts smart , if i told you I was multilingual, four octave soprano, or Ivy leagues educated, if I told you all those things

maybe just maybe you would believe that I wouldn't trade TWO WHOLE FUCKING YEARS commiserating mourning laughing celebrating LIVING in sacred space with my sisters

TO BE THE WHITE GIRL OF THE FUCKING DAY YOU BELIEVE I ENVY

THat you stopped trying to figure me out like I was some dissecting frog so i can't inhibit her latest triumph and NOT EVEN SAY MY FUCKING NAME(s)

Maybe if you believed in this shit as a living breathing and could go grow and change like I do and am

That no one is asking you to step down but to listen learn and stop STEPPING THE FUCK ON OUR BACKS

Or doing your best to make sure you never have to work or hear or grow at all

That maybe with the same reverence and deep measured consideration YOU treat girls

like YOU

your treat girls like ME


and stopped treating it like grand conspiracies to muzzle your voices

when you can chuckle over the myriad of books you can find for you

ANd we have to plumb archives to find the amazing articles we mine for

and pass back and forth like the very bread of life

Maybe if for once you thought deportation was as IMPORTANT as some other women's BREAST SIZE and how she got that way

or the urinal and this months casino

Maybe if you knew you wouldn't have to type this with shaking fingers and a queasy stomach through tears

AND BE GLAD IT WAS ONLY THAT

MAYBE you'd find it in you to extend some basic historical

HUMAN RESPECT

but you know what for the next couple books that insult my history , marginalize my voice, co opt my foremothers work ,and use my struggles to bolster you appearance fees and book sales

WHile telling me it's all bout the sisterhood


I'll just keep my mouth shut say it's wonderful pimp to everyone one i know even if their not in it and hope next time the cops bust my fucking door down youll get to it in two weeks instead of two months

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Basic Right TO live

is now under threat


but hey. TOuRISM IS WHAT WE WANT


there is no gentrification and elimination of teh poor going on. I Sthere
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SO whats the big damn deal.. I'll tell you

Petit,

I really think this is a bit of a faux epistolary but we had to get started somehow.

I wanna talk about sex!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I Want to get you blogging again Pretty please

I am getting really really scared or annoyed or whatever it is that happens when I spend any extended period of time in the bookstore.

Maybe it was the World's Sexiest Man issue where I spent most of the time going " my loins they rare not moved"

Or earlier that gray rape BULLSHIT ( from all involved)

or the constant sexualization of youth for "feminist" and " anti feminist aims"

or the way everyone feels really comfortable talking shit about the Pussycat Dolls while at the same time claiming to be sex positive

Or the wholey invented ( in my mind) " raunch culture thing.

But I figured your old ass and my old ass ( WOHOOOO one of us can finally rent a car) could talk about it?

SO what do you say?

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I guess where i want to start is where I always end up starting and half finishing and failing for the past two years.

Responsibility ,accountability , and mystery.

But the big one for this entry is mystery .

Glamour ( I just quoted Glamour on this blog help us all) has this survey and it shows up every three or four months in the other magazines as well , touting the " sexual standards /Shocking thing 78.6 percent of women/ what's totally normal"

And it bothers me because once again something very intimate and personal is being normalized
First of it presents sexuality as this great mystery that needs to be unraveled by public vote. Not to mention it concentrates on doing so in a manner that emphasizes you not being " out of the norm" No seriously it's called the do's and don'ts of sex.

On one hand it's trying to convince you that your sexual expression is normal by emphasizing the fact it's not unique?!

I guess why is every one trying to convince me ( I am still young enough to be in most youth target audiences ) that sex is no big deal , no mystery, that long as we cover condoms and consent it's AOK.

Ilyka linked me to this post by Jezebel and I think my brain fucking exploded.

First of all I am so UNamused by the " well so many people have it whats the problem method of adult reasoning" I could fork myself in the eye. Also the whoa is me people like me less than the fat crazy or drug addicted is a bit CRAZY MAKING.

Of course STD's shouldn't be stigmatized, and no people aren't " bad people" for having them.

But sorry y'all it's still

A BIG FUCKING DEAL.

and I'll curb my observation that social stigma tends to work in specific rarefied airs.

But the constant and unrelenting message of Fuck it , it's not serious, no big deal?

WHAT?!

Sex is a big deal, having an std BIG DAMN deal, (especially when for all the hair tossing bullshit that std is only actually manageable if you have health care)

YES Y'ALL BIG DAMN DEAL

and

KNOW WHAT WE"RE ALL WORTH A BIG DAMN DEAL.

If you got it through sexual contact something went WRONG. You're n ot a horrible person, you still should have a fulfilling sex life, and the ability to have sex only with caring willing understanding partners

BUT NO IT'S NOT FUCKING BENIGN.

Petit explain this to me, what the heck is with everyone ratcheting DOWN the stakes. Self care sexual care big fucking deal

and you know what we'll make mistakes.

and they'll be serious one.

Isn't it bad and wrong to be convincing people that being healthy and RESPONSIBLE is no big damn deal.

As if self care isn't hard?


OF course it is

but

here's my shocking belief

WE'RE WORTH IT!

Having sex with a person is a big damn deal , having sex with a person with or WITHOUT herpes is a big damn deal.

And big damn deal doesn't necessarily equal death sentence or moroseness but yes some responsibility and not this everyone's doing it/got it

I think it does something no one planned on or is paying attention to in their rush for " erasing social stigma"

It gives out this message that if nothing is serious , we're not worth seriousness.

and that to me is

A BIG FUCKING DEAL

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