On camels and backs

This isn't good for me right now.

This blogging thing.

It's full of flashbacks and bad memories

That are entirely not okay.

I was and am really proud to have been involved with Jena and Afrosphere and RWOC and the WOC bloggers and the POC bloggers but

I can't at this point do anything but feel real helpless

and straight up

Disgusted.

I feel pushed out stressed out and am far to young to stroke the fuck out.

Somewhere folks is happy cause I'm about to step off.

I loved Elle's post about the white progressive blogosphere and I started and stopped a response to it so many times. Till I realized I could not get a post out that did her justice.

Elle who I love and adore PERSONALLY , me and Elle be conversing and I can't write about her.

I could write about our shared enemy but I couldn't sit down and be about the woman I ACTUALLY CARED FOR.

Jena was and is about taking care of OUR kids and I swear I BELIEVED people would be better. I believed that I would see better of folks . And I didn't.

I'm not snarky . I am actually and honestly feeling.

I am tired of people blithely rearranging history cause it suits em.



BFP says it best ( she tends to do that)

but the simple fact that white bloggers hold black kids up to this unattainable standard--if you retaliate in any way, you *deserve* to rot in jail for 25 years--the simple fact that they are patently unaware of or unable to grasp the historical *context* of racist violence in the u.s.--I don't know. Since I have been blogging, it's been a non-stop shit storm of defensive posturing and much too late apologies, over and over and over again. I don't much fucking *care* if these bloggers "don't get it" or "dropped the ball"--i care about introspection and self awareness, and both of those things are patently lacking. Patently lacking *over and over and over* again.

Our lives our fears our concerns aren't theory their real.And I lost sight of that

I was and always have been ( even when it's expletive filled ) been honest and direct with people.

It's who I am , and it's started falling to the wayside because I worry about will they try again to pretend we don't exist, or will they just find another POC that they like to denounce us and pretend what we said never happened.

After the last large feminist kerfluffle I wrote honestly To everyone involved

NO ONE got back to me after I poured my heart out.

and I said little to nothing because

I was protecting folks who didn't give a shit about me.

I am angry reactionary sad and troubled.

We don't get to be that.

We don't get to have feelings that way. It's not about the systematic devaluing of our kids, it's about our personal vendettas. It's not about us feeling unsafe, undervalued, unengaged, lied to and discarded. It's about who we don't like and who we aren't being fair to.

It's not about finding our EXACT WORDS parroted back to us, without so much as a direct by your leave.

It's about us not being nice.

It's about not being one of the adaptable ones.The ones who just won't fit.

It's not about actually you know feeling violently protective of our SELVES. But about being way to mean to people WHO ARE TRYING!!!!!!!!!

Cause we are after all prone to ridiculousness.

I mean everyone but us who are actually troubled know exactly what our trouble is and how we should handle it.

And you were right , i became so fucking consumed with proving people wrong with filling in other folks gaps I forgot my own self

I had a vendetta not a mission

I lost sight of the big picture, I got it back at times but reading this last month horrifies me in places.

I am not snide , I am not passive aggressive,

and I became that at times

because I was afraid

and rather than deal with it

I tried to be a smart ass.

I tried to hide the fact I was hurt that people who harmed me most were women, the fact that I live in a terrifying fear of being a target for violence. That getting my hits up meant for me an avalanche of racist, sexist, insults. Of recalling things and realizing wait i may have been traumatized by that

and the people i could depend on to defend me were getting to tired abused washed out worked out or full on attacked to truly build anything but our battle scars

Of all of this taking a backseat even in my own head to somebody ELSE

and being doing better than that

I keep saying our babies our worth it.

I am somebodies baby .

I am worth it

i will of course do extra special WOHHOO NEED TO KNOW POSTS

So I will take commissioned posts

But after it's jobs and life


Thus sayeth the Lorde:

I have come to believe over and over again, that what is most important to me must be spoken, made verbal and shared, even at the risk of having it bruised or misunderstood.

People who have been wonderful loving and supporting and caring have become honest to goodness friends and supporters

Read this blog


and until I can get back to what is truly important to me. To what I wish to build what is so important I can have it bruised with out bruising myself I do a disservice by continuing to write.

So elle I love you , not for what you tell any about themselves but for what you share with us about yourself.



I have to get that back.

Last one out turn the lights out when you leave

Love Me

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NYPD .... AGAIN

IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Contacts:
Jack Aponte (jack@srlp.org, 347-247-1526)
Naomi Clark ( naomi@srlp.org, 917-907-4870)

Police Brutality Strikes Fifth Anniversary of Sylvia Rivera Law Project

NEW YORK - On the night of Wednesday, September 26, officers from the
9th Precinct of the New York Police Department attacked without
provocation members of the Sylvia Rivera Law Project and of its
community. Two of our community members were violently arrested, and
others were pepper sprayed in the face without warning or cause.

The Sylvia Rivera Law Project ( www.srlp.org ) is an organization that
works on behalf of low-income people of color who are transgender,
gender non-conforming, or intersex, providing free legal services and
advocacy among many other initiatives. On Wednesday night, the Sylvia
Rivera Law Project was celebrating its fifth anniversary with a
celebration and fundraising event at a bar in the East Village.

A group of our community members, consisting largely of queer and
transgender people of color, witnessed two officers attempting to
detain a young Black man outside of the bar. Several of our community
members asked the officers why they were making the arrest and using
excessive force. Despite the fact that our community was on the
sidewalk, gathered peacefully and not obstructing foot traffic, the
NYPD chose to forcefully grab two people and arrested them. Without
warning, an officer then sprayed pepper spray across the group in a
wide arc, temporarily blinding many and causing vomiting and intense
pain.

"This is the sort of all-too-common police violence and overreaction
towards people of color that happens all the time," said Dean Spade,
founder of the Sylvia Rivera Law Project. "It's ironic that we were
celebrating the work of an organization that specifically opposes
state violence against marginalized communities, and we experienced a
police attack at our celebration."

"We are outraged, and demand that our community members be released
and the police be held accountable for unnecessary use of excessive
force and falsely arresting people," Spade continued.

Damaris Reyes is executive director of GOLES, an organization working
to preserve the Lower East Side. She commented, "I'm extremely
concerned and disappointed by the 9th Precinct's response to the
situation and how it escalated into violence. This kind of aggressive
behavior doesn't do them any good in community-police relations."

Supporters will be gathering at 100 Centre Street tomorrow, where the
two community members will be arraigned. The community calls for
charges to be dropped and to demand the immediate release of those
arrested.

- END -

1) Call the District Attorney's Office
The District Attorney's office # is 212.335.9000, you ask for the early
*case* assessment bureau, and ask that all charges be dropped against
arrest #s 683706 (Reggie Gossett) and 683701 (Ileana Mendez-Peñate).

You can also call:
- Christine Quinn, President of the City Council: 212.564.7757
- Rosie Mendez, City Council person for the district where Reggie and
Ileana were taken: 212.677.1077
- Alvin Vann, City Council person for the district where Reggie & Ileana live: 718.919.0740

You can also go on the web to http://www.nyccouncil.info and send those
city council people emails with the same message.

Read more!

PRAISEPRAISE PRAISE

(CNN) -- Mychal Bell, a black teenager accused of beating a white classmate and who was the last of the "Jena 6" behind bars, was released from custody Thursday after a juvenile court judge set his bail at $45,000.
Read more!

HELP YOLANDA

Cause toothaches ain't no joke!
Read more!

We now stop all my social commentary for

shameless shameless man meat-ing

Jimmy Smits

with goatee

smoking cigar

* thud*

if someone could find a version of him with the facial hair between 22-32.

Send him to me

PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

I'm cute ( see scroll down)

and lovable

and will never ever cause any problems will be sweet and docile and ADORABLE I SWEAR

*pause*

BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH

but I'm still cute and lovable
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I had to get this off my chest.

If you managed to post mocking Sherri Shepard on the view but somehow missed the developments in Jena, Megan Williams case, Dunbar Village , and the New Jersey four .

Note now that if there was a question in your mind if I dislike you

Let your mind be at ease

I do,

I dislike you IMMENSELY.

If you managed to talk about these things while avoiding the work of women of color( especially My women of color), and people of color who did the ground work

Yep don't like you either

If you did mention them in a way that can only be described as managing to wrap back around to white people and abortion or making fun of other human beings

Yeah you ain't high on my list of people

and if you managed to do all that while issuing any kind of call for action

chastising people for their lack of feminist cred, mocking the sentient choices of other women, and /or engaging in rampant classism elitism shoddy intellectualism and glorious displays of white liberal " holier than thou art" toolishness

Yep I don't like you right now at all. I don't trust you . and I pretty much barely respect you.
Read more!

One week I'll settle for one day

Just one day

Read more!

I wonder do you love me

I wonder do you love me like you say.

I wonder do you love me when

no one is looking

I wonder do you love me when

your not there

In darkness

I wonder

I wonder will you love me

when I forget to be

Born the

way you liked

I wonder do you love me

when the only way you

hold me

is bloodied on the floor

I wonder how you call this love

because when I called for you

before

Your

eyes were

on

the

prize

I am not

I wonder if you love me

when I love you's

come with disclaimers

" I'd love you if"

I wonder if you love me

since you never love me

You only love me more than

or better than

the one before

even though

when I called for you

before

Your

eyes were

on

the

prize

I am not

I wonder do you love me

because I have to wonder

do

you

love

ME




Read more!

NO SERIOUSLY

I MEAN COME ON NOW

Dear world,

Can we POC folk have like a minbreak lets say a week. Can we get one week wherein yall don't do anything EXTRA special. You average everyday special I'm not stupid enough to ask for a break on but the extra special IS YOU SERIOUS spiteful vengeful navel gazing non engaging dumbshit

CAN YALL JUST SIT ON IT FOR A MINUTE!
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On the day of balance

It's hard right now.

I spent my life trying to pretend it's not that I wasn't sensitive. So it feels kind of stupid to realize just how easy it is to get right back to that place.

That place of fear of questioning of essentially believing that your humanity, is not an asset but a weakness , a challenge to your very ability to stay living.

Of course I am talking about Jena and Megan.

The past two days both in the internet community and the off line community have been eyeopening to me in their demonstration of the REAL nuts and bolts of our national psyche and the aims of "progressivism"

Today I will name names , because there is an important message that we most deal with about America.

This America.

Not the one we reference, not the one we consistently pretend to believe in as we wave symbols and rebuke each other, hoping these totems of bygone eras will insulate from the reality we live in.

This is an America of unbridled promise and hope and the power of creation, hand in hand with a nation of unforgiving spite ,obtuseness, and unabashed prejudice masquerading as conviction.

The developments of this week, of this march have healed me in ways I can only hope to describe , and shown me in ways I can only hope my preparation to steel myself against will be successful.

On Thursday 60,000 people 20x the population of that sleepy town descended peacefully and protested

And they were met with nooses and hatred

And the netroots was silent.

While I agree with Pam on much of her article I must point out this

"It's not my issue": Sorry to say, this gets reinforced by the professional race-bating, blacker-than-thou crowd such as Jesse Jackson, who chastised Barack Obama for "acting white" on the issue. That only makes otherwise supportive whites further paranoid. The "black enough" nonsense is divisive and so reflective of old-school mentality often seen in the establishment civil rights set still clinging to power. Of course then Jackson and his ilk will then criticize the lack of diversity in the group of marchers. it's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

is misleading and mostly incorrect. That only works if you believe that this was started and pushed forward by some mysterious force or the conventional civil rights movement. More bluntly if you continually ignore the work of the Afro/Latin@/Asi/Radi/WOC sphere. The people who broke the story to me were an Asian male , and a young black female law student, who helped draft the 360,000 signature petition whose constant reposting and one of most strident supporters is a white male blogger.

This was pushed and organized mainly by the Afrosphere and covered deeply by a young black poet.

Elle ( a black female blogger and PHD ) has been THE place to find info. So what is the obsession with Al and Jesse?

This was from the beginning a multi pronged multi racial multi front cooperative even if uncoordinated concern. By the time Jesse and Al are involved it's been in papers and radio stations around the world.

How can one criticize the dependence on the old guard while at the same time reforming the history of this protest to aggrandize their importance?

The excuses for the silence are straight up appalling and Pam does it more justice than I am willing at this point to.

It distills to a few basic things

" There was no hero./no star to hitch our wagon on. "

There was nothing in it for us.

and

"We don't understand what's going on /There is no hero."

Odd considering the sudden ability of these same people to find the accounts that demonize these young men or obfuscate the facts in favor of the white students of Jena.

Considering

THE WEALTH

OF INFORMATION

that corroborates a serious miscarriage of the legal system it is interesting the moral acrobatics people are willing to go through to keep a 17 year old boy in prison till he's 21. Mind you none of these people are as vehement about the broken bottles shotguns form the white children. Those are teenage pranks.

Or the excuses they will make to sit idly by.

Because it sounds exactly like the things the white supremacists and racists are saying.

The fact is when it was JUST a people of color issue it was ignored. It was treated as cudgel to bash in republican and or Christian morals and then moved on from . Or it was treated as simply the rantings of some wily liberal and colored folks from up north.

The reasonings may be different but the actions, and desired results were

EXACTLY THE SAME.

Shut them up and ignore them so we get on to more important things.

The fact that Pam pointed this out and the ensuing comment thread / progressive response is hilarious.

Rachel mentions happening's at Amp's that I refuse to link to because when faced with injustice , when faced with what at least amounts to all sorts of reasonable doubt.

THE BIG PROGRESSIVE LEFT

argues semantics.

Or personal hardship. THE RACISTS COME AND I'M TIRED! etc. etc.

Meaning

They are unwilling to experience the momentary discomfort that is part and parcel with POC lives because of one word. OR the RACISTS

The very people they claim to be combating when the solicit us or chastise people for " non action"

And this is where spite comes in . Spite is something I don't think we really like to talk about Americans because it flies in the face of our belief of ourselves as honest competitors and upright citizens.

Pams post features this as well. The downright comical responses of I don't get it HMPF ! I can't follow . WE TRIED but the person we outsourced it to couldn't do it BUT BUT We did ( see our paragraphs and one or two notes)

Let me save you the amount of headache this caused me .

They were are and continue to be LAZY when it comes to POC issues. If it doesn't come in a predesigned press release or off AP , it's special interest.

These so called answers to mainstream media have become woefully dependent on mainstream media and only mainstream media acceptable reporting to cover OUR LIVES. The paltry and discarded posts in their minds are equal to the tireless dedication and work of POC and NON POC allies who have ( scroll up ) been covering this in various DETAILED , in contact with the lawyers from SINCE MAY!

These sources who will with a straight face critique CNN and MSNBC are month behind LeMonde ,IHT .

And rather than admit it will fly in the face of the dedication and sincerity of those who did work by saying in veiled terms we did enough. Will claim we can't find anything , or it'll go away it's not important.

Because rather than drop the ball on this they will essentially discount 60,000 people , and others as not important or not having the staying power of worth to interest them.

Yet the will circulate the johnny come lately "excuses" and explanations of a white sympathetic account OVER actual eye witness testimony and the full picture of a diseased and an unjust system.

Reasonable doubt isn't reasonable unless it comes for AP Reuters and excuses your lack of action?

How is this technically different form the people who drive by with nooses to inform protesters ain't nothing changing no matter what you say?

Or those that would say that the final decision on justice rests with the Americans they deem acceptable " Them boys have ample chance to defend themselves"

What is it but a variant of "know your place" or you must work to be treated equal?

But please remember we are not "them"

Because of course now these blogs know better what it looks like to us than we do.

The post script has been equally heartening and troubling responses to

Make no mistake this is a race and anti -racist issue.

This is an issue about ACTUAL inclusivity, the YearlyKos thing was as it seems JUST the beginning.

As MOveON.org is soundly abandoned by the very senators it helped elect. As you are exposed in the MSM and in the blogosphere for not living up to the premise of your "net roots" movement. As revenues fall blog hits go down, now more than ever is the time to look around and see what the PEOPLE care about , not to forecast , not to make excuses but to observe and honestly interact with the very people you are learning belatedly can make or break this movement.

Even if there are no heroes where are you now when there are nooses and death threats

Where are you now? Is it because it's the weekend, or is it not important again? Does Ms Purvis' plight not matter

or mine

or Elle's

If you will please look HONESTLY at the march pictures and the Virtual March.

We are not all black , we are not all "race bloggers" we are Americans concerned perturbed and even in our small ways active.

And we are watching and recording

And more importantly remembering.

What America looked like on that day and on these days and what visions we have for it.What sense some of us have for what could be.

There is no sense here of what their America looks like except never wrong.

There is a need for courage now more so than ever and that courage is not as so peddled the belief that one IS right at all times and never apologize, but that one must DO right in the face of all our greatest fears INCLUDING the large fear of being wrong.

So I am asking do you have that moral courage , that humility ?

Or are you waiting until it is right ?

Till you have your hero?

Whatever direction you choose, remember to speak out about it before there's no one left to speak for you.

Whatever direction you choose remember to speak now , before there is no one left willing to listen to you.
Read more!

I'll talk later about it just getting it out

Thank's to Carmen

Teen denied Bail
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Ahh the joys of being a sunbaby

CONGRESS WILL BE INVESTIGATING JENA.

*does numfars dance of joy*

Courtesy GMA
Read more!

Virtual March on Jena

I have never been prouder to say this is a milestone post.

350

On this day thousands of people of all races colors and creeds descend on a little town to let six young boys know they are not alone.

Organized not by spokes people , or celebrities, but bloggers ,students ,poets,teachers

Black bloggers who don't exist.

Who aren't important.

We don't network well.

We're too abrasive

We're not nice.

We don't read easy.

On a day when MSM around the world takes notice

Our allies our friends "stay silent" stay clipped only link to those of us who are safe .

Yes

We who don't exist

Who don't get hits

We make history.

Because our children,ALL of our children , are worth it.
Read more!

20

You notice how numbers have a way of making you sit back and gasp.

Tomorrow on the 20th you will see my face again for six young men in Jena Louisiana in black.

20 years old is how old Megan Williams is.

When I was a peer counselor she would have been the age of one of my " babies".

When I saw the photo this morning that's all I could think

Oh lord she's a baby

The transcript of her ordeal has been released

Her momma cried.

She tried to get away and a woman drove her back.

She was sitting in the open air and people knew.

And I looked at a picture of her momma's baby girl

I'm crying

She looks like my cousin Julie

She's a baby.

What will blogs document ?

Every now and again BFP asks this question.

Mon Amour je ne sais pas.

Mi amor yo no se.

My love I have no idea.

Our white sisters love our photos when they tell them something they can blame someone else for.

Our liberal friends love our words when they can shame the Republicans.

They love us less when we walk from these photos into real life uncontent to make them feel good. They are important enough with our photos and snippets

The forget us when our words can't sway an election. They are done with us till next time.

Blogs document that.

Our brothers love us when we are queens and proper to be sung to and enshrined.

They love us less when when we fall , and remind us we should be punished.

Blogs document that.

We huddle together in dark corners under full lights because we never had the chance to find ourselves before

and we amaze as we are told we are wrong.

Blogs document that.

We turn these photos and these words and these queens and these corners in this public.

And we give them and have them taken and we never learn and we hold our tongues and carve our space with fingers we rub to the bloody bone

and we are wrong

and they can do it too

and we are the only ones who remember there some momma's baby

with 20 years

on 20th days

in twenty words

in twenty lines
in 20 posts
in 20 blogs

and we wonder what if the magic number was 21
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So I'm a lying liar who lies

But this is worth it

If you can please pump you some Under Pressure or I'm Afraid of Americans in honor of David Bowie.

* Go david*
Read more!

Cause I'm thinking of her

Combined with carom shots historical amnesia and general simple right now

i feel this one is all kinds of appropriate

My next post is about her anyway.


Read more!

Dear God- I need Vodka

Get up stretch be mad at uterus browse my blogs , check BBC

Read Elle Phd

I have never in my life wished someone was lying to me straight in my face

Google search

Full Details

The judge put her in

A HOLDING CELL AFTER AN ORDEAL WHERE SHE HAD JUST BEEN IN ONE FOR A WEEK

OTHER FOLKS ACT A FOOL AND SHE GETS THE CELL?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?
Wonder why women don't report?

CORRECTION

Wonder why BLACK WOMEN DON'T REPORT.

We're not " cute"

For some reason PUBLIC OUTRAGE

just never ever seems to translate into

SPECIFIC
concerned action on our parts

Nope handwring some, gasp about violence a lil more. Swear that the hard part is finding the courage to go to the cops.

Not the fucking roulette you play cause the mere knowledge that you were assaulted while brown means you are playing a serious game with whether or not you'll be taken seriously

or if all must be fair , if you got warrants, live in a bad area,

YOU WILL GET GOT

your domestic partner if white is simply a domestic violence issue and no never could it be tied to your race and their power over you. Never leave him cause while bad suddenly TORTURING you WILL MAKE FUCKING SENSE TO PEOPLE cause you dated him.

Magical black pussy ya'll got to be careful who we let hit it.

MAKES EM CRAZY

And if your assailants are black, well tut tut it's the symptoms of your race and neighborhood and economy or whatever the fuck you say as codeword

for

thats what them niggers do.
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Dear Yobachi- Pop Your Damn Collar

Cause it's deserved

"pops yobachi's collar dusts shoulders, buys him a drank"


Thursday September20th Virtual March for Jena

Best BELIEVE I will be photographed .

With my fro as huge as got damn possible.
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I I ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

Thanks again Blackfolks!

The black teen at the center of a furor over legal racism remained behind bars - though charges against him were thrown out Friday - because the judge and prosecutor didn't come to a bail hearing yesterday, his lawyer said.

"We showed up. There was nobody there," said Bob Noel, lawyer for 17-year-old Mychal Bell of Jena, La. "No DA, no judge."

A woman who answered the phone at District Attorney Reed Walters' office said he had no bail procedure on his calendar.

A massive protest is planned for Thursday in tiny, rural Jena on behalf of Bell and five co-defendants who are known as the Jena 6. Other rallies that day include one outside Brooklyn Borough Hall.

"To imagine that in 2006, 2007, we're still fighting these fights is just incomprehensible," said Assemblyman Darryl Towns (D-Brooklyn) at a Jena 6 rally at City Hall yesterday.

An appeals court on Friday threw out the conviction of Bell, who was charged as an adult with attempted murder last year for punching a white classmate in a schoolyard scuffle.

The charges were later reduced to aggravated battery, a charge the appeals court said should have been dealt with in juvenile court.

Noel had filed a motion to have Bell released - or his $90,000 bail reduced - while the prosecutor mulls whether to appeal the overturning of Bell's conviction. He has two weeks to decide.

The Rev. Jesse Jackson said Washington should step in.

"We needed federal intervention to get into school in Little Rock [in the 1950s] and we need federal intervention now," he said.

All six black Jena football players were hit with heavy charges after a white student was punched and kicked at Jena High School on Dec. 4, one of a series of racial dustups that began when white students hung nooses in a school tree.

White students involved in similar fistfights were shown leniency.

Bell is the only one who has been tried. The other blacks still face trial on charges that are widely seen as overly harsh.

Organizers say at least 10,000 demonstrators will flood the mostly white town of 3,000 people.

Councilman Albert Vann (D-Brooklyn) organized yesterday's New York rally to keep the pressure on Louisiana prosecutors and set the stage for Thursday.

"There's a national spotlight now on Jena," he said.

ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!
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25 Reasons I'm just annoyed

I am in an actual bad mood.

Not a righteous fury or anger bad mood

But just an actual bad mood.

Thing about my bad moods is that's about the only time in my life I look adorable . It's a paradox

Reasons I' m in a really really bad mood. Some existential Some trivial, some personal.

1)I AM WIPED.

it is shocking to me between reading writing blogging and job applications how ACTIVELY TIRED you can be. Plus PMS allergies and teaching on a five story ,nearly twelve flight building WITH NO STAIRS.

2)As an educator I am so beyond the beyond in terms of " experimentation" with kids education to see what works. So what your saying is that it's official no one has a clue as kids form all walks of life are doing worse so what we're going to do is throw every and anything at a wall to see what sticks. And by that we mean we're going to do interesting things like half ass managed charters, super strict charters, eliminating all physical activity test em till they drop, all manner of half ass research allowed in em, experiments

ONLY WITH POOR KIDS

And should the people who design them create a functioning system which almost always o coincides with small class size and non looming test evil and committed teachers . SHould these brave souls be successful

WERE GONNA FLOOD WITH KIDS TILL THEY FAIL and then write long ass bull about how it was not a good solution because it only helped small amounts of kids

Because brown children aren't individual children where one helped is till a great thing but a faceless undifferentiated mob that needs a one size fits all solutions. So even if about twenty different good solutions could work. We'll fuck em all over to find that ONE GOOD ONE.

3)I may have to out myself about this blog to get a job. So now every single nit pick , grammar question, clarity question that has ever been raised my way is on my mind. And if anyone says don't worry about it. I'd like to remind you I am a 23 year old girl/young woman. So while every other HUMAN BEING ON THE GOD DAMN PLANET seemingly has a youth pass into their mid goddamn thirties I'm supposed to suck it up and have mature facilities and emotions since I was 10.

4) I try and live up to that maturity thing STILL

5) The union that is busting their ass throwing parties and support for political candidates, who will not give a fuck come next SEPTEMBER. Has yet to make any concerted effort to help my mother's agency and their workers which are being shut down THIS MONTH. BUT WOHOO PARTY FOR HILLARY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

6) My mom is so tired and defeated she's not looking for work, hence me having to cheerlead her, scramble for temp work, scramble to apply full time, scramble to find retail if they have it, work the jobs I HAVE , oh and see if there is anyway by the combination of fervent prayer , blog donations, wishing on stars, and paying money to a job that won't pay till possibly october , and job number two which is so willy nilly I wanna kick someone if I can make rent feed us,keep working , pay college loans AND send money home to support my deported father in a country quickly desintergrating into the tropical version of the wild wild west.

7) Two years no rebuilt levies

8) I haven't been able to volunteer go out do any musical training see friends have sex hell SEE MEN buy clothes or even do i decent full exercise program because of 1,3-6 and 8. D o you know how hard it is to come up with excuses of I'm sick, I'm tired, I'm working when w hat you mean is. I'm not sure I can spend the metrocard fare, I am sobbing uncontrollably in my sleep, I gave the money to my mom, or I just got a call form my dad me and mom went to separate corners of my house to do our best not to weep uncontrollably.

9) I lost my dads ring he let me pick from the ones he used to sell. He never GAVE it to me persay but it was the last thing I had of his . I washed my hands in a library bathroom. walked half way to another library called checked and went back. GONE. It was fucking tin and rust . YOU'RE TELLING ME NO ONE COULD RETURN THAT. I probably had to lose it to let go but still.

10) My job search especially in communications makes it necessary i maintain a working knowledge of the liberal progressive blogosphere. Which I Stopped reading for my GOD DAMN MENTAL HEALTH SOME TIME IN FUCKING MAY! My verdict upon return. SAME SHIT DIFFERENT DAY. Welcome to my price ladies and gentlemen, my fragile mental health and some days self esteem .. for possibly a job.

11)my neighborhood. Hoodcentral, Boondocks USA is gentrifying FAST.

12) The poem I put up yesterday. Seriously has everyone discovered RACE all of a sudden. Mind you this DISCOVERY OF RACE doesn't mean engaging PEOPLE of color, just being " more aware" which inevitably follows means highlighting our tales of woe, mentioning the same three- four thinkers, and I shit you not someone said this to a fellow blogger " We have to engage the Afrosphere" . Dear white boys " so do you think the country is ready for a black president while looking down my shirt " IS NOT A PICKUP LINE!With this unbelievable magnanimity comes postulates like:

WE CAN'T EVER PLEASE THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well no if your only point was to " please us " or not screw up well then no you can't . Because in the end your primary concern is still making yourself look good. NOPE sorry won't help with that.

BUT THEY"RE POWERFUL AND I'M SCARED AND THEY'RE NOT APPROPRIATELY ADDRESSING ( INSERT FOOLYWANG OF THE DAMN DAY)

So hold up in a supposed meritocracy ( America , stop giggling pretend it is so for arguments sake) on a supposed merit based medium ( the interweb, again stop laughing just go with it), POC are supposed to apologize for creating spaces on everything from cooking to movements to SCIFI in which are number one concern is NOT how good the white people will feel. And most of this concern is solely because they truly don't believe we're people and can act maturely when aggrieved ( because nothing they said could ever be aggravating or just plan damn wrong), they don't actually believe these spaces are necessary just new places for the brightness of their right way to infiltrate. Or that somehow THEY can live of web lives that involve them being bombarded with shit that they can't articulate but on the web, but US we're all behind keyboards mindlessly spouting shit cause we have no lives.

14) I'm done with snark I am. It's essentially written sarcasm ( I have a much longer post marinating on it) . If you can't convince and bring people to your side without wholly being evil to someone else as a sign of superior intelligence you have some things you may want to think about. Irony is different , and if you want to throw down in the battle royale about why lets go, but no being a right asshole about something is neither witty nor original. Especially when you do it unsolicited to people on the street, or at the expense of actual human connection.

15) I am behind in my online class cause I forgot to join the groups for the readings.

16) Personal one well all these are personal , but the continued mocking of Christian young women and their practices. Seriously I am a person who went form I shall Cloister! to Church? what's church? Yes the Christian Right, mostly hypocrites, but considering the all out complete FAIL at addressing the fact that many Christian groups aren't white, the naked virulent class ism that tends to go with this mocking, the complete and utter lack of noticing how easily left groups use these girls THE EXACT SAME GOD DAMN WAY the purity ball, pledging fools do. I'm gonna ask everyone to back away PLEASE! Not to mention there are extensive CHRISTIAN FEMINISTS,CHRISTIAN LGBT, SHIT CHRISTIAN LGBT FEMINIST PRIESTS.

17) Oh Williamsburg how you make me weep and want to kick people.

18) fluid retention plus squats plus bad eating = up a dress size , down two inches in your waist, = praying you didn't gain the weight back.

19) Why are my Hollywood stars not attractive anymore? I mean seriously Lets play not being able to tell one generic ass mofo from the next and when you can , she's a character actress.

17) I WAS PROMISED A MAXWELL ALBUM! It hasn't arrived.

18) OH ADD OH ADD I OOOOH * distracted by the shiny*

19) I WANT BFP BACK ! I know shes being responsible but still.

20) Why come so few candidates have addressed the rising cost of college for the COLLEGE STUDENT! OR the usurious interest rates, OR the rate of default or the FURY at which they screw your credit.

21) So i must have made a list somewhere cause I am on media lists. Cause I get emails now. Which thank you for them and please continue to send them. However it amuses me to notice that , while I write about literature,sex,race,money,foreign policy,foreign affairs,LGBT rights . THE ONLY UPDATES I GET ARE RACE, which is more funny because the updates I get are BEHIND the ones I get from Blackfolk, racialicious, or me just poking sylvia, kevin or someone else for a daily/weekly catch up. More hilarious I believe none of these places links any POC blogs. I laugh and laugh and wonder how long before they get over it. We'll see.

22) THIS MUFUCKA FLEW HUNDREDS OF MILES TO MOLEST A FIVE YEAR OLD. You know what I have been accosted since I was ten. I am being semi followed by people who have known me since I was ten. IT IS NOT EASY TO HANDLE. My mom basically followed me when i left teh house form 7-12.One of my "uncles" may be trying to accost another family member.We have to be careful about reporting him or SHE could get deported. Will there ever be a serious discussion on how laws and our judiciary aid and abet the abuse of poor women and women of color?

23) One of my media alerts. It is amusing anyone thinks this is odd . It is more amusing that the fabulous Cornel West is being linked high and lo ( and he should cause I love him) for saying ish I heard on my street corner last week and in black folk last month. Will there also be a real discussion on the necessity of black scholars to do everything short of complete restructure disciplines to be heard? Or the false assumption that black people are so sheepish ( and the underlying assumption that the scholars are so unworthy or unsavy that they couldn't find ways to publicize without having the ONE VOICE FOR BLACK FOLK VOTE) we elect leaders. I swear to god we don't have a meeting and even when we do, we fight A LOT. WHY ? CAUSE WE'RE PEOPLE GOD DAMN IT! Also just to let you know Bill RIchardson can't use his knowledge of SPANISH In a debate for spanish voters and no one seems to believe that's punishing him for being Latino? WHAAAAAAAAAAAA!!??!?

24) I work in places where my education has assured me I will be exposed to these attitudes ad infinitum unless I become independently wealthy or go fuck it and fall of the grid

25) I want good hot choclate and a nap. I shall get niether today

Read more!

That kind of day- I love real life

AND WHEN YOU LEAVE, TAKE YOUR PICTURES WITH YOU
Jo Carrillo

Our white sisters
radical friends
love to own pictures of us
sitting at a factory machine
wielding a machete
in our bright bandannas
holding brown yellow black red children
reading books from literacy campaigns
holding machine guns bayonets bombs knives
Our white sisters
radical friends
should think
again.

Our white sisters
radical friends
love to own pictures of us
walking to the fields in hot sun
with straw hat on head if brown
bandanna if black
in bright embroidered shirts
holding brown yellow black red children
reading books from literacy campaigns
smiling.
Our white sisters radical friends
should think again.

No one smiles
at the beginning of a day spent
digging for souvenir chunks of uranium
of cleaning up after
our white sisters
radical friends

And when our white sisters
radical friends see us
in the flesh
not as a picture they own,
they are not quite as sure if
they like us as much.
We're not as happy as we look
on their wall.
Read more!

I'm just gonna let that speak for itself

The UN passes an indigenous rights bill.

And all the countries with the most egregious population replacement/and or infringement of their native rights pull the

IT WOULD INFRINGE ON OUR LAWS.

Australia WINS and by win I mean fails so hard it's mind boggling, with this one right here:

"There should only be one law for all Australians and we should not enshrine in law practices that are not acceptable in the modern world," said Indigenous Affairs Minister Mal Brough.

And Canada

"It also does not recognize Canada's need to balance indigenous rights to lands and resources with the rights of others,

Make this clear countries famous for treating the UN as largely symbolic except for when they need cred by sending peace keep missions . Won't even honor a largely SYMBOLIC document admitting to very BASIC and true egregious actions and restitutions against native people. Cause it would counteract laws made purposely to steal from these same people.

I go band head against desk.








Read more!

This isnt over yall not by a long shot

STILL RALLYING STILL RIDING
Read more!

beautiful things for the day

- The teenage girl pouring over her copy of screenwriting for dummies , small thin but tall taller than me with
her nylon knapsack leaning so close it looked as if she was trying learn by breathing

- the family walking through the library father and daughter hand in hand. Father to mother " Baby can we go see Cd's " as the daughter drags him there and the mother says no...... even as she turns that way

- flip flop sweatshirt weather. Too cold not to have a sweatshirt but to hot not to have flip flops

- having a solid lesson plan , while having an add attack so you try and organize a writing exercise while singing the smurf song

- Maria Callas singing Ave Maria from Othello

-the humbling thought that you make people think of greatness

-the phantom taste of morello cherries

-lion hair

- the faint smell of lychees on your fingers
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YEP

Kids today ain't got no sense nor direction

( Thank you tinycatpants!)
No I wonder if these kids had a place for dialogue and discussion and feeling safe what more awesomeness they could do.

GO ECHO BOOM

Want to know what I loved

"It’s my last year. I’ve stood around too long and I wanted to do something," said David.

Wait you can do the right thing and change things and stand up without being an asshole or a pill AND do it for your own sense of self?!?!

It was like a big weight had been lifted off is shoulder," David said. No one at the school would reveal the student’s name.

Wait no this is special or let us show how this kid is unable to take care of himself by telling about him . Lets treat him as a member of the collective while being considerate enough to let him know we got his back WITHOUT making it feel like charity?!?!

* hums and the child shall lead the way*

Read more!

One down

Several Bullshit ass charges to go

PS. RACE CASE is CNN kidding with this?

Courtesy of the good folk at Blackfolks aka the place I get my news pretty much Thank you Miss Laura

And if one more person says the kids today have no sense

"I seen them hanging. I'm thinking the KKK, you know, were hanging nooses. They want to hang somebody. Real nooses, the ones you see on TV, are the kind of nooses they were," Bailey, 17, one of the Jena 6, told the syndicated radio show "Democracy Now!" in July.

The school's principal recommended expulsion for those behind the nooses, according to The Town Talk newspaper in nearby Alexandria. Instead, a school district committee suspended three white students for three days for hanging the nooses, the newspaper reported, a gesture written off as a "prank."

"Toilet paper, that's a prank, you know what I'm saying?" Bailey told the radio show. "Nooses hanging there -- nooses ain't no prank."


This child understood FROM TELEVISION that this wasn't no game. What the fuck is everyone else's excuse


Read more!

SUDY I THINK I GOT IT! I think I Don't know might be wrong

ProfBlackwoman is damn incandescent with this bad boy

WHOOO DAMN!

Read that love that know that.


So I got a job which i can't talk about to hard confidentiality and all , but I am teaching and can I tell you

Doesn't pay that well and only pays monthly so how I'm making it to october

CRAP SHOOT!

BUT

I have never been so happy in my life

In my two years out of college I have deferred my loans so often

I HAVE TO CHUNK PAY THEM OFF or I will never be able to have good credit.

I have been close to being evicted.

My mom has had her agency shut down

We do not qualify for section 8

I may be homeless in November I may be employed I have no clue

for a reasonably attractive straight 23 year old I have no social life

and

I'm THANKFUL.

WHAT?!

Yep I'm thankful.

Now I must admit I have a deep bias .

I don't like Bitch PHD.

She's from the " Me being a sanctimonious pill is FEMINIST" school of thought.

But when I read the two posts I was struck by a question I had been asked by an amazing lady

For which I *think* I finally have an answer.

Sudy,

It's not thankful for anything.

I said grateful but I'd like to say thankful now.

While Bitch PHD wants to characterize even her mildest criticisms as people SHAMING her OHMIGODWTFBBQ!?!?!

what actual comes across is her mindless sense of entitlement. And the BUT BUT the poor brown and yellow kids ISN'T THIS MORE IMPORTANT

and she did the black friend /slash Obama maneuver**

( KAI GET THE BINGO BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!)

is trite and expected.

What shocked me is that when she invited the shame list it was a twelve year old move to have everyone prove their alliance.

Now I know it gets hinky whenever we bring up class.

I am stating for the record I am not sitting here going she doesn't deserve what she has blah blah blah.

It's just there is no thankfulness there at all. Not a single damn it's hard but I am making it .

Feminism and leftist politics is bogged down in this lack of thankfulness.

Because thy seem to believe being thankful is some kind of concession.

Oddly enough it fits because it seems as feminists, leftists, the myriad of groups I identify with there is no sense of budget

Not in the oh we can only afford this

But

This is what we have. This is how we are working.These are our accounts.

These are the things we are not willing to give on These are the things that must be ours.

These are the things we are thankful for. Not because we don't want or deserve more but because this is what we WORKED FOR.

It's become this constant swirl of what we AIN'T GOT. We are working from the negatives CONSTANTLY.

SO we focus on the injustices and the debts

and fall desperately desperately silent when our power can be harnessed to force discussion and change because all we know are these debts and we in our deepest places think of them as normal. Expected, and secretly though we dare not say it condoned by us.

Because thats what happens to us the downtrodden

OF course we scattered of course we can't find a base. We have no chronicle , maintain no actual in our bones contact of what it means to be a feminist a woman working towards peace.



WHATEVER THAT IS FOR YOU.

When I read ProfBW piece I was overcome with that sense that yes she had been shamed that it had come from a place where she had made her decision with integrity and love and you know work

Both the things people had tried to shame her for and the things she was actually ashamed of .

None of this why am I feminist ? shit.

It is this deep knowledge that you have a goal and an idea and a

CONNECTION with the world beyond the end of your nose

And it's NOT SUPPOSED TO BE EASY

THAT'S WHY IT' S IMPORTANT.

Feminism and leftist politics truly have failed because frankly in my opinion since the Civil Rights /Black Panther movement, there has been no sense of teaching us resilience.

Not to be accepting of abuse which is often some sort of badge to people.

I can go to places unsafe and take lots of awful shitty treatment!!!!!!!!!!!

or

I can be an asshole EVERYWHERE

but actual resilience.

The confidence of self and purpose to be open and willing to see not just ourselves but ourselves as players in the world.

And we can't learn that the way it's presently organized.

We're constantly combing for stuff that is "owed to us" with no real idea with whether or not we want it or need it.

We have no sense of how it is TRULY connected so instead we go for " diversity"

Hoping if we hit enough targets we'll look good. Instead of trying to do good for what we really believe in

BECAUSE WE OFTEN HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THAT IS.

So instead we become flits in the wind, who believe that getting what " they" got or whatever " they " are keeping from us this time is the only goal.

and that REQUIRES us to see ourselves as lacking something, as being deficient.

Our focus becomes our deficiency.

IF we are deficient how can we share ?

How can we be open, how can we truly communicate and give

We don't have enough

We are not enough

Any one who argues we may have surplus is lying

is trying to take from our hoard

As a WOC I am not dealing or coping as you have said Sudy

I got born this way and poverty or not stress or not

I am thankful

Because I believe that this . * waves hands over body*

is enough

and worthy

and I can not comprehend a movement that asks me to abandon that

to assume a place of desperation

while asserting they don't have enough to share.

And I share some of Prof's shame because at the end of the day

I still think of this as we

* It's her blog I know write whatever she likes same applies to me
** OBama is about to get his own square on white liberal BINGO

Read more!

Ren EV asked for it a long time ago

I give you the BlackAmazon armcap.

It's going to be faded but the idea is that it looks like an old seal on parchment roughly the color of my skin.

So itll be less clean and also a little more sinister.

But thats the mockup

is it not beautiful

Yes I cried from it's beauty it makes me happy
Read more!

" The pleasure is all mine"

Wohoo another one of my paid posts ! You too can still get one if you want .

This one is form the lovely Joan Kelly who is on the cover of the book she asked me to " review" Well thankfully her phrasing gave me more leeway.

" What did I like about her book"

YES!

This was hard even though I kind of adore the book.

Why because I like it.

It pleases me .

I mean that

It PLEASES me

And i can't do my usual everyone needs to read this because

Well the reason I loved it is very very specific to me.

So Ren Ev by way of Amber linked me to this quiz

I'm a Bottom!

( Remember s she told people she knows in real life about this blog should anyone say anything She's ducking under a table FOREVER ah well ain't nothing getting out but the truth)

This might also make the whole nun thing make a whole lot more sense.

So part of my love for the book is we share sexual proclivities

and while I'm a bottom

I am also

not that into S&M

or into multiple partners

( Mars in Scorpio I'm selfish , self absorbed, vengeful, and crazy and I think none of these is a problem. I say loyal sounds better)

But for a person with already submissive tendencies

It's kind of hot.

* blushes*

And I LOVED love I say the response in the begging for the mummification ritual

While there may be something in the air there is the sense that as a Bottom or Sub you have a desire to be mistreated or disrespected.

HA

HA

HA


I love it because it was such a very awesome reflection of my few botched sexual encounters.

I like being told what to do homie by a SPECIFIC person

Because

I

Like it

Not because I have a daddy complex

Not because you are JUST SO IMPOSING

but because it gets me off

I mean in general life I'm very very aggressive and playful

Large Lion cub is actually a really great description , I like you if i roughhouse .

if i am formal and cordial and you aren't over 50.

I don't like you much

Sorry

I AM NOT PASSIVE

So it was nice reading something that didn't equate bottom with passive

Also I must say I read it around the time I read a Bitch magazine article about another sex worker.

Who frankly I didn't like.

It's strictly personal but forgive me most sex worker memoirs especially the " high class " ones

Bore me

and are written by women whom while I hope the best for and wish them well,

I'd never want to drink with .

Sorry I'm a geeky dweeb

who likes tatooed freaks

nerds

and wanted to be a nun

This bourgeois high rollers not only barely interested me

often made me roll my eyes at the stupid.

i read this book and though

" Her I could have coffee with"

Which is probably why when I realized that joan kelly was THAT joan kelly

I went

I read your book

I LIKED IT!

and now admitting what I just did above .

I blush

and run!
Read more!

TODAY IS A WRITING DAY

So much writing

my fave things

joan's book review

A response to an incadessant post form ProfBW

a job update

and

especially for Ren Ev

a first draft of the Blackamazon tattoo ( I am unashamed to say I cried)
Read more!

I'd demand a cookie if I wasn't just so damn sad

Megan Williams

Vox writes about it here

But I have another spin on it.

Let's all sit down and be honest .

This is not at all new .

It was predictable to DEATH that the first tactic by white people would be to run for the hills away from these people

SO while yes I am going to start demanding cookies for my psychicness

( raspberry linzer)

and the but we can't distance ourselves from them while focusing on both white people's responses

and the examinations of whiteness as a response to the shock.

I give up . Keep being shocked .

I figure at this rate by 25 I'll just be to terrified to date leave my house or breathe

This IS NOT A SPECIAL CASE

But no now welcome to the America you helped make.

This is is not a special kind of evil.

This is not a special kind of shocking

This is what happens when a prosecutor who wants to make sure they get their due time

CAN'T CHARGE THEM USING A HATE CRIME.

That's right infringing on her civil rights

IS A LESSER CRIME.

That's our America.

She was held for a WEEK

and people knew she was there

That's our America

She dated one of those men

She was used sexually kidnapped and stabbed

AND THAT'S THE LEVEL IT TAKES TO GET A RISE OUT OF

OUR AMERICA

A flashback.

Next person who says this is a special level of evil I hope gets a copy of A People's History of the United States flush against the head.

While everyone gasps and goes HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN

and or we must deep within ourselves to understand

Do me a favor take a moment sit with yourselves SERIOUSLY.

And tell me when in the history of the United States something like this hasn't happened.

Not in terms of racism but seriously in terms of this kind of violence and disrespect for POC life. Name one week

ONE

when

this hasn't happened

I'll wait


This slow build to more concentrated horror and madness ain't new.

It's just when POC were talking about it ( and I mean not online but around the time people still thought it was a good idea to put my behind in patent leather mary janes and frilly dresses)

People were tired, we were welfare queens abusing the system.

It was okay to talk about black women like that.

And for all of you going that was so long ago.

The person who was born at the height of this Reagan /Bush Rhetoric. (86-91)

Is just able to buy beer or cigarettes

How soaked have they been in a rhetoric that was demeaning and devaluing to black women long long before the Furious Five even thought about the Message?

But you know blame hip hop.

And of course after this the focus should be on how we fix AMERICA y'all or how white folks need to be behaving.

Want to be terrified or shocked of something

How about live in a world where this doesn't surprise you

AT ALL
Read more!

GOOD NEWS

I have a part time job !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


so I am ways behind i will be emailinge veryone hwo emailed me wonderful peopel all shortly!
Read more!

All you need to know about my generation you can learn from the VMA's

SO as a member of generation EB MTV has an interesting spot for me. I am post it becoming this huge musical force and while I was coming up it began to be this great cultural phenomenon

And now I'm cognizant

It's fun to watch it slide into WORSE than irrelevance but self righteousness and self parody.

OF COURSE THE VMA's were HORRIBLE!

OF COURSE they were also well watched.

So welcome to

EVERYTHING YOU WANT TO LEARN ABOUT MY GENERATION ( AD THE WAY WE ARE HANDLED YOU CAN LEARN FROM THE VMA's)

We have the attention spans of drugged gnats

We don't like anything specific so if you give us just tidbits of everything we'll of course be happy

We of course are the problem when it comes to the programing and actions of multimillion dollar companies

We created a culture in which attention was the main goal and it is of course our fault when we fill these expectations.

We love the bling

WE love it !

( I would like to take time to differentiate between blingy and shiny . Blingy+ grasping for status show offy solely for the purpose of saying you have it. SHINY- showing style and or dedication and or interesting features. Shiny good blingy ehhh)

And the big message the one where I am a horrible feminist and possibly human being but I got to get this off my chest

The Britney was or wasn't fat debate

YES SHE WAS

MORE IMPORTANTLY SO THE FUCK WHAT?!

My god the pearl clutching drama at how dare we say she was fat!

That''s so HORRIBLE AND WRONG AND BEAUTY STANDARD BLAH BLAH

wait a minute

Number one the problem I Have with it is

For all of us who are actually fat thank you so much all these evolved minds for tripping all over yourselves to prove that the worst thing one can ever be called is fat. Because in your rush to prevent eating disorders and promote self esteem the only thing you've managed to codify is how deep our fat phobia is!

GOOD JOB!

I am so not sorry, but Britney Spears has been sold to kids my age all her damn life on her body and sold her self on it . That was her sport and trade.

She dressed herself and put herself up onstage AT 26 26 in an outfit she was TOO FAT TO WEAR

She didn't do a hot burlesque , that featured her new sexuality as a woman.

She didn't do an energetic number showing that in THAT body she could still be a force.

She's not Beth Ditto making a statement rocking out.

She put on that outfit so we would look at her like we used to be dazzled by her body and

she was paunchy ,

SHE WANTED AND CHOSE TO BE JUDGED ON THOSE STANDARDS

and failed

so it's a great feminist statement until you know you have to be responsible then she's a victim

And we're so evolved we with out fail like lemmings over the fall scream she's not fat because we of course easily equate it to the lazy underworking coked out mess she was

The problem is she got called fat.

And I would like to take this moment to say to every smug patronizing twit whose going but but what about eating disorders and that's why our girls have them...

Thank you again for showing how little complexity and depth you believe we have as young women. And how impersonal you continue to treat the body images and struggles of young women. Because we will always be whipped out so you can fly your righteous indignation at the fact that someone who is usually privileged may even have to deal with the repercussions of the culture they helped spear head and luxuriated as long as it worked for them.

Becuase thats what drives young girls to torture themselves

Their lemming like nature

And i will nod while i notice the same folks never say SHIT every time Serena is called a man or fat.

Good to go

Also learned from VMA's , Hip hop is the blame for everything, even though it itself has no control over how MTV markets

and will always be used as the default to ensure you get viewers but not actually respected or honored except to provide your " edgy" content.

shorter version

Kanye may be a smug self righteous annoying asshole

STILL DON'T MAKE HIM WRONG

IF you are unbelievably stupid and uninformed on public television people will trip the fuck over themselves to give you a second chance

even if 49 other contestants managed to at least not sound like tools but everyone will whinge about why we are so MEAN TO CUTE BLOND YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and it will then get you a trip to Las Vegas.

YEAH MEDIOCRITY!

this entire image will be fed to us and then claimed to be us to please sponsors

while we

mostly still haven't graduated from college

or high school

but we are the problem ya'll

I go reread joan kellys book now
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ECHO BOOM

So for my happy posting time

You know secretly that I'm a big big

HUGE pop culture junkie

A proud member of generation Echo Boom( the best name and moniker for it so far)

when folks do actual field studies and generational mapping.

We are the fabled young people.

Ages 25- 12
so barring large scale bouts of extra special stupid I am going to wave my flag of youth and were gonna talk bout this stuff from the perspective of being a member of the most poked and prodded age groups in america!
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Sex,Stuff,SHit and Sunshine

I'm beyond the beyond in term s of sad annoyed and distressed.

SO I AM DECLARING A ME WEEK

with the first letter of my name!

S

The sexy

The shit talking

stuff and sunshine

I am writing

about the most silly stuff and

stuff that i know is straight out there

I'm having fun with these

I am gonna be a horrible feminist

review some books

post the prelim tattoo

cause i have ti t
its awesome
Read more!

9/11

I was 17 years old and in a dorm lobby

sobbing

crying

and she slipped her hand in mine

and we watched them fall

and later wrapped or arms around a senior

Freshmen

as he cried

and cried

I never liked him before

or since

But knew he would always have some of my love

and prayed

and set up ims

to find everyone

I was 17 for all of 42 days

and all I could think of was love

and how much I knew I had for this world

and when I was 17 or 18

I wrapped my arms around him

A man I call my brother

at the start of a war that would take his blood brothers and sisters

and make them never right again

he started drinking that day

never in excess

but from then on he would never deny himself again that warmth

that burn

that liquid anger down in his hands

and I read my newspaper

on 9/10

about a lil girl who could not get a phone call for 911

cause they wanted to look good

and am scared

because

I have to wonder did her headscarf play a part
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Precedent

SWEET SWEET JESUS


This will only happen to black women.

And to who ever says women don't participate in harming other women or

We are CLASS WOMAN

and really shouldn't concentrate on any other thing but WOMEN'S ISSUES

I invite you now to kiss my ass.

To those of you who are shocked shocked this happens in America but are quick to note that it's West Virgina

You too can grace my glutes.

This has been making the blog rounds

and it should

Read it TWICE

It is an Aurora Borealis of writing. When I went to Vermont as a writer at age 15? We watched them for a night. They let you know exactly how man could conceive of heaven and just how much that heaven depended on an earth

and a hell

A place absent of God

of these lights.

That piece is the same , for me at least

The knowledge of how much in a somewhat neutral place how easy it is to be reminded how far you are from heaven even as it is IN YOU.

And how real and often unrecognizable to only SOME of us HELL is and has become.

To be honest after Jena Six and Duke I have been furious.

And I asked myself why.

Why was I angry when a cause I had been begging and yelling about all this time got attention.

IS it petty anger and stargrabbing ( I WANT POC TO HAVE OUR CREDIT DAMN IT)

IS it jealousy? ( I want books and add money and not to be poor!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Is it frustration? ( ARE THEY REALLY STILL ON THIS SHIT)

Is it the " sadness" ( Read bluest eye, invisible man, 100 years of solitude etc, testimony of japanese internment campers, reservation suicide rates to get a hint or be born an even remotely aware POC )

Nope it's precedent.

And Subsequent.

And present.

I am a woman of history , I build on it , look to it,learn from it

and the comments on this story as I have flitted hither and yon

are scary

Everyone's shock is not just annoying but frightening.

Do we collectively forget?

Do we make a plan of it?

That as soon as it stops being morally outrageous or the thing to know about

We forget it?

Or do we file it except that for some of us the file it goes into is always circular?

It's precedent.

It's doing what has always been done . It's the luxury of time and outrage . It is doing what history has taught you/us to do. That our systematic ignorance of certain things is "normal" so that our penny ante awakenings can be cause for celebration

AGAIN

and AGAIN

every time .

We're gonna do better THIS time WE SWEAR! SEE

It's Subsequent

It's the subsequent compartmentalization.

That's something only those people do

And I don't want those people

so I don't have to pay attention to

THOSE people

even when they do things to THESE people

and if it's THOSE people

it's not OUR problem.

It's present

It's never been put to us like this before!

This so amazing of course we'll do something NOW

while it's precedent is
Everyone else was too

Too not this

WE won't listen to you!!!!!!!!!!


Why can't you be a good girl= don't be too loud= don't you know how to be a good nigger= be a good nigger or be a dead one

It's subsequent

Is

WE STILL RUN THIS

AND ONLY OUR WAY


Because what to you is shocking and out of the ordinary is too u s merely the one you paid attention to this time.

We end up on roads dying in the night

on lands stolen

with statues to the figures that are invented and molded to make you comfortable

and you wonder why it is never enough

Because while you can choose to remember this time

We have so many we can't ever forget

And it's not your fault

It's who you are

and when you're told you must change

not the country

not the ideas

not your intent

but YOU

You swear every question every minute give

is something

when all it is

is

a

NO

Because we've never heard/it done that before

There is no precedent

Given the choice between allowing us to be angry and equal and heard on our terms

and being found dead

or dying

begging for help

You'd rather we beg

You'd rather we die

Because it's precedent
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Glamour BLOWS

First the dumb ass hair thing

and now you photoshop America Ferrera so she looks like an odd pod child

ARGG DAMN YOU ARG
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This may be triggering

and it made me wish I had one to REACH FOR

THEY ARE SUING

They receive a settlement, are apologized to, have the victim 's name destroyed, inspire a whole long screed of PERFECT examples why

CIVICS and LAW need to reenter the American Public Schools cause it's obvious motherfuckers don't know SHIT!


So if you are young and white and do racist evil shit and people JUST ONCE don't go OUR BOYS WOULD NEVER DO THAT

( wait a minute most of Duke DID JUST THAT)

because of actions of people OUT SIDE OF THE JUSTICE SYSTEM

YES PEOPLE THE MEDIA IS NOT THE JUSTICE SYSTEM

NIFONG FIRED

F*@#%_)

*falls out just falls the fuck out*

Comment's are closed and hidden cause today is just not the day for it
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forget stones how a bout BOULDERS

I'm fuming

I'm straight out my gate fuming.

( Consider this a freeform BITCH postI'm thinking a loud so I can SLEEP TONIGHT!)

SO PEOPLE HAVE FINALLY FINALLY "DISCOVERED" JENA

AP Reuters have a god damn cookie

And ya know what FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA DID NOT MISS THIS

For everyone flipping out going well well thats why I didn't catch it?!!

BBC filmed recorded and AIRED a documentary IN MAY!!

MAY!

And Forgive me Lord I'm irritated.

Because it goes back to Yearly Kos , It goes to the ape on the cover, it goes to FFF, it goes back to the damn burqa, it goes to why I was so adamant about making the hugest CORA EVER!

ANd Kai and Carmen covered it from the monetary/logistical aspect here


which since it lacks a transcript you need to listen to to get half of my RANTS but ya know what do some work!

I wrote about Jena in JUNE JUNE and I was still two weeks to month behind the damn train.

Sylvia you know that blog that is inconsequential in the face of big feminism , the just jealous she's not as astute as whatever BIG NAME we po unedumacated ugly black girls is mad at this week.

HAD IT IN MAY

The afrosphere had it in MAY

I got it from kai by way of Sylvia in MAY

MAY MAY MAY

and here is where i get mad

You know what these huge blogs advertise liberally who sell us books blah blah what the hell ever

DO YOU

THATS RIGHT YOU HEARD ME GET YOUR MONEY Y'ALL

DO IT BIG!

FINE!

But hey you sell you blogs , your ability to sell adverts, your media appearances, your books

Your down right condescension and smug asshattery on you ability to do what can't be done, reach what can't be reached. And contact what can't be contacted

And IT TOOK FOUR MONTHS

I talk shit about a book a book cover or a fucking lunch

or even mention a machete


FOLKS IS ON MY ASS IN MINUTES

I WRITE ABOUT CRYING OVER A YOUNG MAN IN JAIL

FOUR

FUCKING

MONTHS



for you to catch UP!

I finally finally understand what this is about.

FDL or whatever had the damn nerve to tell folks in a ten point article how to get in on the big blogs.

And most of it was respond respond to big media blah blah blah.

News flash

WE DON'T LIVE IN SOUNDBITES

WE ARE THE STORY

Those average americans your so quick to deride while proclaiming your font of progressiveness or your need to LEAD

ARE WRITING

the law student with no money broke this

the software developer picked it up

the poet is organizing

RIGHT UNDER YOUR GOD DAMN NOSES

WHAT WHAT

the petition has 145,00 some odd signatures!

WHAT

And this is why it hurts because for whatever reason while you claim a fucking meritocracy FOR NOW?

You have the ear of the people or the money.

Move oN can get 250,000 in 24 hours!

Imagine what happens when you put that to use on this young man

FOUR MONTHS

he spent extra in prison

suddenly it's news suddenly his charges drop suddenly money may a flow in

and it's a fucking toss of for these people.

and it hurts cause it's not about attention for me

It's about some baby spending four months in jail and nearly catching a murder case for wearing sneakers

WHILE

It's about young men being JAILED for facing down guns

It's about a town rather destroying a hundred year old tree than let students PROTEST NON VIOLENTLY

in a STATE that two years later

STILL HAS NOT REBUILT THE GOD DAMN FUCKING LEVIES

It's because no matter what the fuck I say we say ,

It's still a special ISSUE

that until someone " IMPORTANT" puts it on AP news wire you claim not to be able to find

or is part of a

" link round up"

or only gets a mention when surrounding an acceptable voice.

and you want to throw some cultural touchstones

AND EXPECT A COOKIE!?!?!

Because you still will go oh they do important work

AND RUN THEM OUT OF TOWN !

and you will do this

and create these atmospheres

and wonder why no one comments on the things of substance

AND THEN HAVE THE FUCKING NERVE TO ASK WHERE WE ARE?

OR WHY WE SO MAD?!

And you wonder why I will to this day have mad love for the " TRAITOR" rather than the LEADERS?!?!


Cause we just got pens and keyboards

and while you know we don't do anything

and the mainstream media expression is the holy grail

WHat can our words mean

I mean the DA can just take away lives with em

and you just devalue ours at every turn

AND THE WOMAN WHO RELALY LET YALL KNOW

is so hurt she can't write

BUT NO BIG DEAL

cause you'll catch up

You have the best of intentions

You were busy

Just our lives.

If you want to organize with people who cared and considered and paid attention please go here.
Read more!

May

to September

MAY

MAY

MAY

I may explain later I may not the smart ones will figure it out!
Read more!

The Bell Tolls

So I'm still on a bit of a what do I DO NOOOWWW after CORA ( ignoring the fact I took so long to answer these)

So appropriately for the End of Summer one of my donors is trying to be evil and hit me with this question.

Black Amazon, what do you think the current state of feminism is? Is it coughing, sputtering, and running upstairs instead of out of the house?

and Thank You Sylvia for being a dang demon!

MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN you trying to start some STUFF!

Especially cause this is the only woman for real for real who could get me to be this candid about it

Short Answer- Feminism is doing the FULL Horror movie special.

Long Answer:

Putting together CORA brought me a lot of joy cause I had to do shit I wouldn't have. Emailing poets attaching my government name to this blog, staying up like I was back in college.

and it brought me a bit of sadness. Radical Recess made me sad to do because there was just SO
MUCH to choose from.

and because I was very unsure on whether to include myself and then I realized I had to

because what I was writing about made me sad

it made Sylvia can her blog.

go look for it now and you'll get a white page and the word press sign.

So for her I have to write about this.

This article made me angry

as did the original post frankly.

Really fricking angry.

Because as I combed through CORA

and the archives of folks I loved

and reread Women, Race,Class .

I managed in this time to with my joy build up ( as with me you know by now, a pretty decent rage).

I am tired of the questions being asked in Feminism.

I am tired of it's reactive ( THEY SAID THIS EVIL THING ABOUT US GRR SO STUPID DUH!!!!!!!!!!) nature.

I am tired oh so very tired of this obsession with soundbite stylings, postmodernism and irony.

I am tired of navel gazing replacing honest self reflection.

I am actively and emphatically SUPER tired of everyone thinking this is a marketing issue.

For a movement that TELLS us constantly it's not about looks or money or etc but the advancement of ALL WOMEN.

Feminism needs to sit down and realize what it is SHOWING us.

And no matter what your beauty standards are

It's not pretty.

When women talk so reverentially about the women's right to vote and Seneca Falls always seem to gloss over the lack of Black Women and the classism and racism in that same conventions findings.

While in both these pieces these women make sure to list the movements they think need to own up to their debt to the feminist movement

Not a single one or even the comments mentions with any kind of detail the internal struggles they claim feminism is having with it self.

and the claim that feminism was never one thing back in the day so how can it be now.

BULLSHIT

It was/ is and that's why it's struggling.

No matter how many times you SAY you handle the issues, if you do not think they are important enough to truly elucidate, how can you be trusted?

If your response is " their being handled" or we got to it. How can you convey to anyone this is a dynamic movement.

More importantly if your response to EVERYONE who goes you know what I'm NOT

is basically a wordier version of

" There there dearie yes you are"

Why would we come to this? Why is it okay to be so patronizing when talking to the very people your trying to help.

Because it's in the history

Feminism PREFERS dealing with the "powerful" and " influential" soundbites than it's suffering constituency.

Everything has a coolness factor, or an irony, or a mantra.

The clash over housework will always get repeat coverage while the failure of specific women to have HOUSES is a "special issue"

Feminism consistently seeks to

TELL women where they are and should be

while SHOWING them

that in the end it is more concerned by what is SAID about it.

While I agree post feminist in most of its usages is complete and utter tripe,

Deborah Siegel asks here :

Lisa, love your post. Jill, love this blog. And I’m looking forward to Amanda’s book (and Lisa’s book too!)! Imogen, thanks for the shout out re Sisterhood, Interrupted.

Another vote here for crock of poop. Not worth reclaiming. Not even a little bit. Because mostly, it’s confusing. How do younger women (ie, especially those who aren’t already comfortable with the word or idea “feminism”) jump on board and continue the fight for equality when they (we) are constantly told—by the media, by each other, and sometimes by our elders—how good we already have it, and that we’re already living in a postfeminist world

CONFUSING? JUMP ON BOARD?

Are you sure this is a board we want to be on? Or do you just know better than we do? OR is it just that we are so gullible we wil believe whatever we are told? Are we really swayed simply by words.

IF there really is so little faith in us why bother?

I am also pretty done with conversations about non feminists being essentially

" HAHAH ARENT THEY SO STUPID OR JUST FRAIDY NON FEMINIST CATS"

Feminism has YET to earn that right.

When it stops turning its head toward every single piece of media fluff thrown it's way

and focus' on its women . Maybe

When voices raised in protest stop being told LOOK at the BIG picture MAYBE

When Feminism claims it's power not it's entitlement

It's deep feeling instead of it's quick quips

MAYBE it can start telling us where to go

But right aorund now someone will tell me I'm being too serious

I am being so HARD ON FEMINISM

THEY'RE JUST TWO POSTS

and we'll get to it or got to it some way so HUSH UP!

And I' ll go to a web url and see nothing but a white page.

And realized I lost that for this "Feminism"

and may my foremothers forgive me

I will pray for "feminisms" death

Just so Feminism can live.

Read more!

Cause I find it funny they even asked.

Media Matters sent me this

Tucker Carlson is a tool

in other words

Sky blue

Pope Catholic
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One of the bad things about being loud

Is that there is no where for you to go in a reasonably close knit neighborhood to scream.

It is 6am and I went to bed at like 8pm the night before I was so wiped .

My mom leaves at 7

I read this at 6:30 ( via sex and race, the link is (en)gender, via Cunning realist)

I had to wait that long to scream.

And I mean scream.

My heart is thumping in my chest.

And I'm having flashbacks to things I've heard .

" War will free the women"

" They naturally like it "

" Persian girls love anal"

"Hot Guyanese pussy"

" You seen em Dance , AND IT'S EVEN BETTER"

"Just like the Phillipines"

I sat down and in an exercise of masochism and self torture went to the five places I would consider ancestral homelands and my partner countries. The excerpts from Iraq made me shakey and ONE CLICK IN MEXICO still has my hands shaking.

Made sure of it.

How many times did we get described as humans? How many times did these men flip off about how color blind fucking women who had no choice made them?

HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES.

How many patted themselves on the back at being able to get a girl to sell herself cheap and called it negotiation

How many of these " Connossieurs" still were racist, misogynistic, FUCKHEADS the minute MINUTE something got in the way of their " BBJ and anal and good pussy"

That something as little as ten minutes and ten fucking dollars.

Free market right boys?

Any thing's better than hijab ladies?

White sex is good for everyone?

I mean it is HOW I GOT ON THIS EARTH

In fact how a lot of WOC got here

Except you know they didn't have to pay back then

So progress right ?

But teh ultimate kicker the skin crawler of the year

I read through The Carribbean .

I recognized at least three posters with writing styles I would know from various collegiate interactions. Could be white boys are that generic.

But I have NO DOUBT they would.

So men who I competed with and interact with on a personal level. Purchase the bodies of my family ( and in Guyana for me that is a LITERAL usage not a LITERARY one) for $20 US

And think it's to much.

Tell me again about the riding wave of democracy, about how rising tides lift all boats, about the sweeping arm of feminist concern, of liberal progressive concern, of rules and regulations

and then tell me

No

Know what

DON' T TELL ME FUCKING ANYTHING
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