Devil's Curly Hair

( Consequently this a WOC centric and safe space post . Be it to defend or attack if people try and recenter it over to white women I will incinerate your comments. It's THAT serious to me)
Didn't BFP know I did not want to think too hard this week.

In light of this, WCD and Latina Lista’s posts really made me wonder, how much of this distaste for sex (or ambiguity towards sex) stems from body issues for women of color? How much of it stems from undiagnosed/unacknowledged disability? How much of it stems from just not knowing how to ask for what is necessary? How much of it stems from just being tired, tired of the world, and not having the damn energy to think about sex, much less enjoy it? How much of it stems from racisms that expect us to be a particular way, when actually, that particular way is embarrassing or it hurts? How much of it stems from not having any damn clue what turns us on…because we’ve never been allowed to actually even consider what turns us on?

Girl this was my birthday week I haven't been sober or not in a food coma for three DAYS.

I avoid talking about sex now, it makes me sad , then angry, then kind of violent and that can't be healthy.

So I don't talk about but fuck it I want to talk to the sisters about the sisters for my OWN health. ( also if WOC would prefer to have this off blog my email she is open)

I went to see the Simpsons for my Birthday Extravaganza and ( slight spoiler) towards the end there is this exchange. One of the Flanders kids wishes for something and NEd toussles his cute little red afro and goes.

" I wish you didn't have the Devil's curly hair"

And he sniffles.

No matter how much he prayed, how much he was "good" he still had the Devil's curly hair.

That I understood and BFP put it like this

blackamazon–you speak of something that latinas go through as well–you know that whole image of latinas–the pure sexy hot virgin? the one that prays earnestly and goes to confession every week etc? The woman that does that in mexican culture is a woman who is almost considered asexual–nuns, mothers, women who are not going to “put out”–but in dominating white culture–that woman is considered “clean” and her piety becomes something to fetishize–she’s “clean” and she looks to the man to be “trained”–she doesn’t know what she’s doing and she’s easily managable, because she believes in The Lord, thus, the right man (the white man) can take over the role of The Lord and have a loyal subject on his hands.

I’ve never really thought about it until know, but I do wonder how much Catholicism gets ruined or “dirtied” for young latinas–how many of them don’t take catholicism seriously or their religious piety seriously because the serious catholic latina is such a sexualized role.

but anyway–that’s the thing isn’t it amazon–how do women of color negotiate their place in this? how do they find their own sexuality that they are proud of and enjoy when all the options seem to be so harmful? and how do we help young women find their own sexualities when we aren’t even talking to them about sex/sexuality until they are older youths (and that’s if we talk to them at all) but youths are being bombarded with this shit from the time they are little girls? babies really?

This is especially resonant for me BFP because while not Latina, I am both a former desperate want to be novice and a member of a consistently sexualized culture(s).

Plus I myself by my lonesome am highly sexual/sensual/horny whatever.

And yes I too am a 23 year old virgin( though we prefer in my circles to think of it as friend of the unicorns)

And I am a huge nerd.

But I also have sway back and tits I have been carrying since 6!

As a wannabe novice it requires a level of intensity , commitment , and straight up contradiction that in my own culture is fine and expected in a variety of ways both sexual and non sexual.

I have seen my mom curse out teachers, my dad fight off cops, and at least three of my aunts threaten people with pans.

All of them making lives in a completely foreign nation.

While the men of my culture don't win prizes for progressiveness, there was very much a cultural comfort with knowing that your intensity and drive or even your passion

Wasn't AUTOMATICALLY sexual and might be respected as such.

The nun thing is a prime example , yes Catholicism ( and one day I'll tell you why I would be willing to change religions to be a nun) but it wasn't assumed as is too often thought of when considering non white women , that our subservience to god was automatically translated to a desire of GENERAL subservience or ignorance.

Especially since as WOC if we are devoutly Christian it is almost without fail a god that has been translated to us for that purpose, of domination.

And your right as pious as I was, as committed as I was . I actively believed I was called for the greatness of service

It did NOT matter if I followed every good girl kit in the book. It did NOT matter is if I made myself as asexual as possible.

Even when it was bone straight and falling out I still had some version of the Devil's curly hair.

I found it hard after a while to believe this shit AT ALL.

My piety was something to be overcome or " grown out of" . For the most part outside my own community which let us be clear I was pretty much gone from in a large way at THIRTEEN

And it wasn't cause I was specific in some way but because I was general. Brown and female. I at one point stopped pointing out I was South American because it was resultant of an icky exchange.

No matter how good I was . How dedicated to service or sure of my calling, being brown would trump it all.

And it was very specifically not ABOUT me

And it DID coincide with my discovery of feminism. And it truly truly fucking irritated me.

While the stuff I was being exposed to touted the ability of women to make choices and be free with out any ramifications.

About shucking the whole prized and precious moniker , and moving forward into FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!!!!

It never EVER addressed how intertwined that prized and precious distinction LIVED on the fact that the natural sexual urges would be exercised on those NOT so prized and precious.

What irritates more is the epidemic of "oh you poor traumatized child" you must want to overcome these things.

Here's a scary thought.

NO I DON'T.

Susie Bright wrote about White Sex

and quite frankly it irritated the FUCK out me. and I like Susie Bright.

But what irked me is the fact that uh no. Everyone SHOULD NOT have the right to White Sex and when our communities criticize us it's not at base for acting white even if it's vocalized that way, and we know it.

It is for acting white when

WE KNOW WE ARE NOT.

Our communities actually have our own autonomous believes that we are capable of transgressing without acting white. Not to mention ingrained codes of morality ( which may suck but our OURS)
A Native mother has every right to be scared.

A Mexican mother, a black mother, an immigrant mother

A non english speaker should be scared

If the choice is be sex negative or ill prepare her child for the fact that with ALL the good training and conscientiousness in the world, she may still get picked off and never ever see justice.

For WOC teaching Children of Color , often without the resources and education or time to steadily consider our children's sex lives while just trying to keep em alive.

Sex negativity isn't something to be mourned .

It's actually good common damn sense.

Is it damaging in some ways?

Oh hell yes.

But frankly we do what we gotta.

As a woman of color Is it just me or that unless it can be deemed useful or pointed to as an example of stuff that white women can do to , I ( until I started looking for my self) never hear positive WOC sexuality stories .

( let me riff on the vagina monologues one day You'll think I lost my mind)

We come up as road kill and bad traffic accidents.

When I wrote Born to Be , It was AS MUCH for the "prudes" as the "sluts". Girls going mild suffer just as much as the ones gone wild and often get MUCH less attention and while Wendy Shalit is a tool, there is a rush to declare this girls mis guided or repressed.

They are making good decisions. I made em. And as fucked as I am in some ways I wouldn't change it.

As someone who was a prude while fielding sex questions and youth crises that damn near put me off the though of sex FOREVER. I always ALWAYS notice that the easiest help and advice to get was always pushing the idea of

It's no big deal NO BIG DEAL!

or it'll be less than you thought.

And that is very very RARELY the case for us. You know? When you talk BFP about making the best with what you got. That's all we have , I don't care what people say but we get little to no support and manage . And if folks aren't gonna focus and address us then OF COURSE we gonna make some not widely acceptable choices but they make perfect sense . And stop saying their wrong or not smart cause most of that ish isn't actual concern but class or condescension.

IF what we need is human affirmation or possibly never to be touched again. How do people who never let us talk get off on claiming us going and fuck no is debilitating, especially when so much is geared to them.

When I was 16 (at this time that would be basically 2001) in the new millennium I had a hell of a time finding non white girl centric sex advice. So who is really shocked that WOC are wary

My birthday alcoholic haze was hilarious. Saw the boy who broke my Hormones. Wouldn't say heart as that's not was involved and caused a scene and had some fun.

Then it's less funny

But in the Mcdonald's , I saw kids and I mean kids some of em less than 18 out cause they been PUT OUT for being gay while brown.

Two or three with the accent that let me know they were mine and these kids weren't suffering for their sex.

But their sexuality, their nerve of wanting to be as open about who they loved and wanted to be held by.

And their now homeless. Do people even look at them except to tut them , do those who do get money , is it wrong if those who do are trying first to get em fed and clothed

And this is happening during their formative years. Shit I may still be in my formative years depending who you ask

And to get to the point where I even like my sexuality is so arduous and it hangs on a razors edge .

Man I understand when sisters go . AND FORGET IT

And no thanks or it's entirely utilitarian

Ands also whats the difference between sex and sexuality

Cause I think there's also a huge cultural problem with that within white hegemony

With the Devil's Curly Hair
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME

I AM 23

I AM GROWN AND SEXY!


What I want for my birthday


I 'm broke as a joke

But you should donate to Kactus.


PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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THAI FOOOD

YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I Get to be wild and boobfilled and pretty in NYC with my evils!
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Born to be.........

Now how do you complete this sentence ?

Now at some point last week while watching GMA ( blame BAMommy) the newscasters said with a shocked voice

" MILD"

Oh christmas morn not this .


Especially since the tooting of young girls choices always ALWAYS ALWAYS comes down to

THE TOUTING OF YOUNG GIRLS CHOICES THAT I AGREE WITH!

Now as a young woman ( I am FINALLY turning the age of you average college grad in SEVEN DAYS. Do not make fun this is important to me it took me damn nie two years after college grad to do so. YES I WANT MY COOKIE)

What bothers me about this and the mild/wild/bbq ratatouille style arguments is that so many of the girls are saying things like

" I want to fit in and not be"

Dear Wendy Shalit,

"The role models we have out there now like Paris Hilton, Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan is a very narrow notion of empowerment," Shalit said. "If that works for you, great. But for a lot of women, this is inauthentic."
I haven't read you stuff. I tried I stood in the library and gave it my all. I like my blood pressure. But your quote makes you are an utter ninny"

It's the premature give in . This is who is getting press so THEY MUST BE ROLEMODELS.

WE SHALL PRESENT WITH NEW ONES AND SAVE THE DAY.

Mind you the presentation of new alternatives or other options

ALWAYS INVOLVES SPENDING.

The blue blazing holly hell?

What is it with this constant need to replace messiahs of young girl consciousness?

Yes young women are moving from pillar to post on these things

It's been that way for a while and what truly makes me cringe is that in all the crowing and hooing about which section girls are following now something is conspicuously absent

A smidgeon of attention to the INDIVIDUAL girls.

These are young women who are looking for and desperate to have community while maintaining their identities . And who really feel at this juncture the way to emphasize that is

WITH THE CLOTHES THEY WEAR.

I don't care if I agree with it or not. The fact that young women feel that the source of their political power is solely by the clothing and or sex choices.

REDFLAG!

What annoys me most is that the " sage " advice from elders is .

" You'll realize what's important later so do what I say now you'll thank me for it"

Now while this advice is usually applied to boys and clothes, rampant consumerism blah blah blee Blackamazon not a fan.

Except these girls aren't expressing any thing about rolemodels . They are talking about their own desire for acceptance and community

and approval.

And it bothers the living hell out of me, because while the mild/wild/liberated/exonerated ( false dichotomy but I'll run with it.) duke it out.

This phrase always comes up,

" It shows you don't have to be ________ to get approval"

While basically affirming that the only way their getting your approval now is by being something else.

And this constant advice of

" you'll grow out of it or You'll regret that later"

ARG ARG ARG

That's nice , their living NOW. RIGHT NOW.

And their peer groups their lives are important to them.

damn it necessary to them.

While it's much easier to blame Paris than to intimate that MAYBE just MAYBE our young women aren't nitwits in need of some great leader.

It doesn't fix anything

Niether does trying to define young girls emotional turmoil solely within the idea of * insert social movement here*

Young girls are important and they don't need to be emblems or examples.

I don't know I guess it disturbs me greatly that to get people to take how we raise up our kids it suddenly has to be this great idealogical bully pulpit.

Someone is right someone is wrong

Ergo someone can be thrown under a bus. I can't be gleeful about Lindsey Lohan though I think she's annoying and no where near where I would want a child to be

BECAUSE SHE'S STILL A YOUNG KID

( Paris Hilton can rot however)

And for the record no admonitions of your younger self aren't considering young girls. Because everyone one of them wasn't you. So is that really really common wise old sage routine of you'll see when you get older.

Boys are a distraction , their also for many of our young girls their source of love and affirmation, not to mention the constant you can be concentrating on OTHER Things leaves out the very real necessity of our LGBT youth exploring sexuality?

OR how can we actually get to the point of aiding young girls with their decision making

if our first assumption is that

NO MATTER WHAT THE FUCK THEY DOING MILD OR WILD

is that their wrong, and being manipulated?

What would happen if rather than constantly play young women ( and I mean all of em including the unseen ones that don't make GMA) against each other

and try and annoint some leader for the wayward souls we make this hard but possible thought process.

Every young girl for whatever reason


IS MAKING WHAT SHE THINKS IS A GOOD CHOICE.

not just that

an INFORMED GOOD CHOICE

and rather than treating Young Women as labrats to be analyzed into death we may need to LISTEN to what they say

and they are saying some

AMAZING THINGS! ( Thank you Afrobella)
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AWWWWWWWWWW

Someone feels unloved a wants to use me to drum up some shit and readers


Sorry

Not happening


No love at all

The amazon on vacation
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GO THERE NOW

I want this link to propogate across the interweb.

LINK HIGH LIK LO


WRITE EVERY LETTER YOU POSSIBLY CAN!

Human rights defender at risk

on July 18, 2007
Category: LGBT, Human Rights, Nigeria

Nigerian, Human Rights Defender and founder of The International Centre for reproductive health and Sexual rights (INCRESE) in Niger State, Dorothy Aken’Ova has been ostracised and intimidated by family and community because of the work she does.

Social activists and Frontline HRD like Dorothy are a special group of people who put their lives at risk to defend the rights of others. Dorothy has been defending sexual rights and the reproductive rights of women in Nigeria for over 10 years. When one considers her work is concentrated mainly in the North of the country in those states where Sharia law has been adopted as part of the state legal system, her stance on sexual and reproductive rights places her at even more risk.

For the past 12 months, Dorothy has also been at the forefront of the the campaign to prevent the passing of the Nigerian “Same Sex Marriage Bill”. This has involved attending campaign meetings in Abuja, attending House and Senate hearings, making press statements and addressing sexuality rights in Nigeria at the World Social Forum as well as the sessions of The African Commission on Human and People’s Rights. Because of her public stance against the Same Sex Marriage Bill and her work on sexual and reproductive rights, Dorothy’s ex-husband, who lives in Lagos, is now denying her access to their 8 year old son using the courts to further exercise control over her life. Dorothy’s work as a Frontline Human Rights Defender has led her to approach her life and faith from a human rights perspective rather than approaching human rights from a reactionary fundamentalist view that is exclusive and inflexible. For this she is now paying the price of loosing her child, perhaps for ever.

Dorothy is asking people to please show their support by for her by linking to this post and / or writing to human rights organisations asking them to support her legal challenge to the denial of access of her son.

Madre
Human Rights Watch
Amnesty International
Frontline Defenders
International Gay and Lesbian Association

International Gay & Lesbian Human Rights Commission

Tags: Nigeria; Human Rights Defender;

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Water is Wet

I laugh cause YOU now....

OFFICIALLY CAN'T TELL ME NOTHING! * bops around to Kanye*

It's official THIS SHIT ACTUALLY KILLS US !

One of the books I finished recently was Faces at the Bottom of the Well By Derrick Bell.

I remember at AMC I told Sudy vaguely the spaceship allegory wherein the US is given a choice between all it's black people and it's own economic prosperity and lots of gold.

She knew the answer.

Racism literally hardens our hearts and feeds off our babies.

Knowing racism and being aware of it

GETS YOU FASTER

and AFFLUENCE AIN'T GOT A THANG TO DO WITH IT!

and not being able to speak out against WORSENS the effects.

So if you ask why I'm so LOUD .

I am officially saving my life from death. Resting my sleep and unclenching my nerves.

Next time someone says

" What about __ feelings"

What about my blood pressure?

Mind you there is the prerequisite but but if you stopped seeing it it would stop hurting/it's allin your head meme.

Got to love it . Many of your fellow American's may be dying


..... They should move on!

There is no benevolence , every slight, every scratch is taking something from us , UNLESS we speak out.

Of course we ourselves could not be believed , need " establishment" back up.

So now we have it, and now what.

As if the knowledge that our own testimonies WASN'T enough , they still need MORE evidence.

So it's now in stone it kills us destroys our children but yet and still taht's not enough for us to be believed when we speak.

Except if nothing else when we speak it saves our own lives.

If you though I was bad before I am going to be happily incorrigible.

* You Can't Tell Me NOTHING*
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Random Saturday Crap

Freeslave got me one more gen

So in no particular order

1) Carnival of Radical Action up. Made of Awesome dipped in Glory. And the RWOC bloggers. Call us whatever but damn shore aint ugly. Though that one in the lower right corner .needs to learn to put her boobs away.

2) Somedays I really think it's not worth it
3) I suck shit at small talk . I am either goofing, deep convo , or talking shit. Can't flirt worth a damn either. My big strategy is to sparkle and RUN . SPARKLE DAZZLE RUN!!!!!!!!!! It's how i learned to hide being shy
4) There are maybe 10 human beings on this EARTH allowed to put their arms around my neck. My parents aren't it.NONE of em know it's a big deal for me. I prefer it that way
5) I am finally the age I should have been graduating from college. The mere mention of my birthday makes at least three of my friends giggle.
6) HEather Corinna's book is AWESOME FUCKING AWESOME did I mention AWESOME?
7) random sexual confession : If i laugh really really hard I get the sensation of a non sexual orgasm.
8) Carlos didn't advance. POUTS but......... He has something to do with my birthday present I'm gonna ask for on monday.
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Like Purple to Lavender

Call me emotional.

When I come with red dripping form my teeth about the difference of purple and lavender.

Call me angry..

When I shout blue streaks into white ears just to save brown bodies.

Call me whatever you want , just won't catch me silent

THIS IS BULLSHIT!

This is that special kind of bullshit that only comes to protect white womanhood .

A DA RELEASE CHILD PORN cause he just can't help it .

TO KEEP A NINETEEN YEAR OLD BOY BEHIND BARS.

Of course the boy is black , who had consensual oral sex with a girl. WHO TESTIFIED FOR HIM!

( Mind you had he just had sex with her he'd be playing semi pro ball right now)


It had nothing to do with the fact that HE FOUGHT THIS CHILD'S appeal and legislative process.

Or did his darnedest to protest a R&J law that would have given him the clear for time served.

Or that child porn will sway people, hopefully to keep in jail for the full term.

This is a womanist issue .

Because he decided to fight it mostly cause he couldn't live with his mother and little sister if he took the deal.

Because someone looked this young boy and told him never being able to go home AGAIN to the WOMEN who loved him, was A GOOD DEAL.

Because rather than accept that he chose to fight on his principles.

Because the great system we all worship at if it is staffed by the right ( white) people of course will protect us all ?

Because what we need is MORE LAWS in the hands of THESE PEOPLE and it will be okay.

They don't actually believe our motherhoods and sisterhood and auntie hood or cousinhood is worth anything.

A woman spends three years with her son RIPPED FROM HER and nary a peep.

Women having to watch the hood, the streets, the law , the man , the system and their paychecks, can't get anything.

It's got to be about how what would happen to OTHER BOYS or maybe it's a racist thing.

When I read stories like this, or the one about the young boy who was shot in HIS BED by police a recent immigrant to detroit (his name escapes me and google ain't worth shit. SUDY HELP, it was mentioned in our fabulous oral history workshop !)

I always wonder where are all the women who wonder about the mommas and the aunties and cousins. The mommas who have to stare at rooms knowing their babies ain't in em and are NEVER COMING BACK. The mommas who cry them selves into rashes and eye infections, or have to clean the baby boy's blood off the walls with rags.

THIS IS WHY I NEVER BELIEVE

People who "acknowledge" racism but "focus on gender"

Who know all these theories but prefer the right to give women POWER.

Because his momma crying her eyes out is a

WOMAN

His lawyer working on no money prayer and a general sense of pure confusion.

WOMAN

Their work unimportant

But watch the release of the tape become a WOMAN'S ISSUES

*edited to note the girl is not white which makes this have a new level of ugly I don't even want to adress*
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Charlie Brown ,Jaques Brel,Nina Simone and the Nerve of the Shifting Paradigm

WAHHHHA

WAHHHA

WAHHA

( double dose)

Just about anything written about Live Earth , Live 8, or Live Aid. ( start at 2:35 by 3:16 you'll understand

So amongst the healing community of AMC and really REALLY good pina colada drinks .

I asked the gathering a question.

In many battles on the webz I had been obliquely referred to as theory head, or nit picker for using WOC writing to challenge things i believed had been tinged in the stupid.

And I truly didn't comprehend it.

My main mode of study is historical, and my theory basis is weak . How could me using personal histories and established texts be consider THEORY in response to the same tactics used against me. How could demanding really specific points using some of the most broad shit since the dawn of the country( Y'all I tend to Start with IDA B WELLS) be obscure theory?!?

So I asked, everyone here was brilliant . At least very LEAST five people at this table had MA's and two or more were working to PHD's surely they would have deep philosophical wisdom for me or some places I could steel my self

" At times I think I'm not even speaking the same language as these women .. What , Am i .."

Of course Jasmine of UBUNTU cut through it REAL QUICK

"You're not"

Lex added

" and the sooner you realize that in your bones you will destress significantly"

When someone can drop science on you and not miss a serving of hummus, your amongst good company.

I have been since before AMC weening myself off blogs, and news media in general .

The dramatist/performer wants to give you some deep sweeping tale about how it was so much PRESSURE blah blah .

In actuality it had gotten to the point that it felt like I was Charlie Brown searching for the Great Pumpkin amongst the adults.

People were talking to me, some angry , some nice, but mostly it came out as

WAHHH WAHHHA WAHHH.

I got the gist of it but at that point ancient Aramaic may have been a better framework for " discussing" with people in any part of my life that hinged on radical action or social justice was literally like translating .

And not in the good way.

This wasn't Nina Simone taking a tune making it hers ,imbuing it with her sense time and sensibility creating something both timeless and anachronistic ( see her sing Ne Me Quitte Pas as originated by Jacques Brel)

This was the English translation of Ne Me Quitte Pas.Ain't even the same song. For tune's sake and the ease of singing.Stripped of its force and sounds " pretty" . But makes you beg for the gorgeously in pain french man with the funny teeth

At AMC Grace Lee Boggs said we are witnessing a paradigm shift . What has amused me in the weeks since is
1) so true it is
2) where and when it's happening
3) how unprepared the world is for it
4) how clueless " media " seems to be
5) how much this fulfills the real adage how we win will be as important as the victory

Or in short.

Blind Privilege makes you stupid, Privilege unexamined makes you smug and stupid. Smug and stupid leaves you unprepared

" We" won horribly and we are beginning ( just beginning ) to lose horribly. Yeah I said it this is
only gonna get "worse".

The paradigm is shifting , tighten up your singing muscles!

The first article probably is a very big point of growth for me, as I did not delete every U2 song I had and throw up a fuck that sunglasses wearing bastid post when I first read it.

A real live African , Ugandan actually (but let me not dispell the tightly held notion that the continent with 20% of the earths population and about 15 percent of the worlds land isn't one big place, just yet. Baby Steps people I am trying to work Baby steps) has the nerve to challenge the great white man on what he feels is best for HIS nation .

AND GETS SHOUTED DOWN!

Let me repeat that someone who makes more money than the GNP of the countries he is "helping" shouted down an actual resident because . HE KNOWS WHATS BEST.

Mind you Red has out spent the money it's raised on a good 10:1 basis.

This isn't to impinge Bono or Red but just the facts and at a symposium FOR AFRICA we defer

TO THE WHITE GUY FROM IRELAND!?!

Live Aid Live Earth Live 8 follow this formula PEOPLE NEED OUR HELP IT IS FINALLY TIME !?!?!?!

And people are also shocked by how little people are " appreciative" missions of mercy.

The simple linguistic mode of " it's time" means something very sinister and very direct.

It WASN'T time before. ( please as writers of people concerned with others never go IT IS TIME it is quite honestly one of the most blindly privileged phrases EVER)

That these people for whatever reason have not been a priority . They have lived and existed in ways which we tacitly admit they were secondary.

But now is the time.

Why wasn't it before?

The acts in England have stymied people EXACTLY because of this preoccupation with ahistoricality .

This very selfish very annoying and to those of us not basking in the glow of multiple privileges completely foreign idea that only the now is important.

Sure their doctors, but they WERE brown boys under oppression, they were also isolated students , men adrift, men who worked their ASSES off and never ever felt it was enough .

And it was never the time to listen.

Their was time to pathologize , pander, prioritize, and push aside .

And now SOME people have no idea what's going on.

And others some barefoot , some in Jimmy Choo's, hood rats, barrio bunnies, Doctors , Lawyers.

Understand it on levels that are so deep we no longer need words.

Or have they any use.

Because it's BEEN TIME for some while.

People have been writing and talking and dialogging and TRYING . To the point that some arguments can be quoted verbatim from texts published YEARS AGO.

I have been in discussions where I have been later pointed to texts that my foremothers have written I NEVER KNEW where I came close to recreating them word for word

written ten to 15 years BEFORE MY BIRTH

and while my intellect may have been behind. My bones know it, my soul knows it.

The world has affirmed time and time again that this system isn't for "us" so why are they shocked we place no value in it or heart in it?

To hear someone talk bout finally having PROOF that science may be biased or the laws don't actually protect, isn't even news .

It's a constant reminder that when it was brown women speaking , or brown men. or non able bodied, or workers.

It was not time.

We're not speaking the same language and where we see simply the long fulfillment of a history being based on not our time and oppression.

We never hear what Charlie Brown hears from the adults but we always know the sense he is getting.

Too stupid , too young, not right. You can't even see them cut off at the knees

And frankly this is how social movements won. We'd become " adults " and our wisdom would lead us into being able to do the same invisible incomprehensible spoil sporting that the wahh wahh adults did.

And should we not , should we believe in the Great Pumpkin, our the football, we would be ask to suffer as Charlie Brown did.

The article about the book is entirely unremarkable to me, except for her very uninformed and kind of appalling take on the social movements of the 60's .

What would the social movements of the 1960s have looked like if baby boomer collegians had been stifled by the same educational debt as their children? What if they hadn't been buoyed by the broadly shared prosperity of the postwar era, or subsidized by a ratio of minimum wage to living expenses far more forgiving than what their offspring face in most metropolitan centers today?

While the point is fair . This gets back into the " maybe Aramaic will work" mindset. because how on earthy can you look at the 60's and concentrate on the movements spearheaded by college kids? Regan made it hard for middle class students? THE HELL? When I think of those times and the things that REALLY shocked my world as it would be. It wasn't the college kids but farmers , workers , uneducated people fighting for their lives. Yes teachers get paid less and it sucks, but lets be honest the people in the MOVEMENTS who REALLY had to deal with the shitstorm and the oppression college students FOR REAL?

But like I said when someone talks about marches and protests as the ACTIVISM they are sad about.

We ain't even close to the same language

People want to define THEMSELVES and not just as within something but outside it and living through it. Rampant individualism and handwringing aren't even on the menu anymore. And also off the menus is this expectation that the "system" will do anything but what the system does.

REALLY ! A system that got rocked by people being self determines IS GONNA TRY AND STOP THAT!

WAHHA WAHHAH WAHHH

And the scary thing is that this language barrier does not just produce fabulous teenagers and amazing conferences and people doing things never thought of. Of a journalist going toe to toe with the biggest star alive to speak for HIS life.

It will produce bombs , and attacks and force of people who have no respect for the system cause it had none for them. And I am often shocked by how much in my day to day regular reactions.

PEOPLE GET IT ON SOME LEVEL

Old young white black . People understand you can't erase history.

While activists seem to be focusing on how much we need to transcend it.

Trying to change things IS NOT THE SAME as pretending they won't matter. I think so often people get so mired in the desire to change institutions or be absorbed into them BECAUSE there is such a lack of history in examining the real complete history of how they functioned.

Not just the ones we know as evil but the ones we accept as good.

To fully realize what must be done for us now is not a bugle wake up call, that's just insulting . It must be a full reckoning

Recognition
Recollection

of what it means for all sides and not just the ones that make us immensely comfortable. Because as these institutions begin to cannibalize not just themselves BUT US AS WELL there not only must be break form the destructive mentality of these things but their destructive organizations.

For all the blather I have yet to hear what the average person thinks of the planetary situation, how can we truly deal with it if instead what needs to be a concerted LARGE scale movement is constantly only mentioned through the lens of Al Gore telling me what I need to do?

How can we truly understand violence and what pushes people to it if WE NEVER EVER EVER EVER engage those who are pushed to it? If we truly continue to IMAGINE that terror is incomprehensible as if it is not weaved deeply into a world of violence. Then we will of course never understand how DOCTORS could blow up airports , while happily ignoring the fact that these doctors were humans subjected to a psychic violence they felt so deeply it had only one escape valve.

That truly understand the system it is just as if NOT MORE SO to cede the floor ( not give voice, not listen,not uplift but shut the fuck up and cede the floor) to those it has failed .

Because as it is failing us , these people ARE THE ONLY ONES WITH the knowledge of what to do.

Believing the translation is dependent on them has left us with media and mindsets that at this point can only marvel at how badly they are unprepared or how complete the subjugation of reason sense has been to prop up some ...

WHILE AFFIRMING THEIR AUTHORITY TO DO SO.

Marveling at the unreadiness or the injustice of the unreadiness is no longer worker . It is merely holding on to what is already dying in your arms

The difference between the old and the new will be as wide as the difference between purple and lavender

Between making a day that like no day has been or will be

and

Creating

a place where even the places where the earth has scorched gives us more nourishment than the best of Aprils.
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Sixteen Random Things about the Blackamazon

Because Both RE and Nezua got me and while I'm out of it I can multiply so off I go!!!!!!!!!

1. My hair reddens in the summer if I actually separate it and spend the time to get it all in an analyzable mass . To the point you can if you look somewhat closely know what hair length I had during summer by staring at my head. I never blow it out and not that many people get that close
2. My flip flop tan amuses me cause the color on my feet is the difference between sticky toffee and deep brown sugar caramel
3. I'm so ticklish I giggle during pedicures
4. I overtip on principle
5. When I was 19 someone told me I was a lyrical spinto soprano . I was sad because i wasn't the young coquette now I am older and know the difference . I am hoping I haven't slept on my voice to long so I can get a crack at doing some real training.
6. I love nerdy people. Not recovering nerds not ironic nerds but actually straight the fuck up nerdy dweeby no explanations DORKUSES
7. I am so sound sensitive I still at 22 and 143 days old CRINGE at fire trucks trains and sirens. To the point my Bear pokes me in the side when I grab my ears. I cry at concerts.
   
8. My karaoke songs are"Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap" and " Rehab"
9. THERE IS A BLACKAMAZON SNEAKER AND I WANT IT. Of course it's out of production and I'm broke. Look ain't it pretty.When I'm not broke. ( thank you and pray for temping please!) SO GETTING GANKED!!!
10. I love Daniel Bedingfield's first album and him . He's short and muscley . I wish to keep him and I can dance silly to his music. His song Friday is my bug out song. If I dance to this with you and do the " electro shock wiggle" know it is love. Which makes my wifey be very very MEAN to me
11. I had a crush on the Green Ranger. It has lead to a very odd preoccupation with tortured white boys/ light boys with deep eyes and odd hair choices
    
12. Thanks to PetitPoussin I am SERIOUSLY trying to learn the intro dance to this song . She may have thought we were kidding. I am GONNA GET the talkey bounce and the round and round! It's also the sexiest I have found Prince. See number 11.
13. I like tattoos on men, it's not sexual it's envious.I've wanted since 16 . My mom was to get it with me . I am glad i wasn't able to cause while I wouldn't have minded it the one I wanted would have meant less. Though I will probably get that same one anyway for the second one.
    
14. When I like you . I want to kiss you. I just won't. To the point it's a non erotic thing for me. Just a lovething.
    
15. When I am tired or in need of comfort among people I like. I play with your hands/arms and or hair or give hugs. I give what I need.
16. I am obsessed with keeping mobility and stretchiness through my torso due to a bad fall in elementary school.
    

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IT'S OFFICIALLY SUMMER

How I know it's summer

I FINALLY HAD THE PERFECT MANGO!!!!!

WITH THE HOT AND THE SWEET AND THE PERFECT!

And Tamales

And eel fried rice !

And walking two miles

Mango equals summer!
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WHat is the Fourth of July

What, to the American slave, is your Fourth of July? I answer: a day that reveals to him, more than all other days in the year, the gross injustice and cruelty to which he is the constant victim. To him, your celebration is a sham; your boasted liberty, an unholy license; your national greatness, swelling vanity; your sounds of rejoicing are empty and heartless; your denunciation of tyrants, brass-fronted impudence; your shouts of liberty and equality, hollow mockery; your prayers and hymns, your sermons and thanksgivings, with all your religious parade and solemnity, are, to Him, mere bombast, fraud, deception, impiety, and hypocrisy-a thin veil to cover up crimes which would disgrace a nation of savages. There is not a nation of savages. There is not a nation on the earth guilty of practices more shocking and bloody than are the people of the United States at this very hour.

- Frederick Douglass

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I am integrated and bathing in my own blood

R Mildred left a comment on my blog that I thought was too good to go unnoticed after the events of the past couple of days .

One of hte fucked up things I learnt recently about all those odd little forever wars in africa and asia and south america is that blood diamonds and gold jewellery aren't actually funding them as much as people often talk like they are.

You wanna know what is funding htem?

Electronics; the majority of the silicon, gold and a few of the odder materials used in semiconductors that makes up consumer electronics and computers come from the third world.

You ever get that feeling like you're just constantly wading in someone else's blood?


Nope friend I feel like I'm bathing in my own.


I am from the bauxite mines, the rice paddies , the cane plantations, the slave ships, the potato fields.

The places that sound like faraway lands , and punch lines to lazy nigger, oversexed spic, shifty chink,simple mystical native jokes

are simply home.

The simple simple fact is that as a brown person, as a person who is Queer/supportive , as a foreigner , as a person who is pretty close to 80% percent of the world

It offends me to be called radical

Not because I am ashamed. Oh no at this point I have lept off the political spectrum into the ether and am backstroking through self determination

But it offends me that I am considered radical for believing that 80 percent of the world is better equipped to tell us how they should and want to live than being dictated to by five percent.

is considered an action that could destroy the state.

And it offends me that the recourse I have of it is the system that made them believe they are ill equipped to live for themselves.

When I teach

I literally have to strip away layers of things.

I have to tell children what they think matters.

I have to teach them that they are important.

And i have to do it buildings falling down around their ears.

In schools making nine year olds responsible for the education of 8 year olds who are responsible for 6 year olds.

I can taste the blood when I have to tell them this.

That if they dare to challenge this system.

They will be in pain. They will be smacked down and destroyed. That to become themselves they will have to literally REBUILD themselves.

And if they get there if they are truly good at it .

I will have to pray every night that they aren't disappeared, locked up, or cut down by the pressure.

That to make them live I am KNOWINGLY asking them to look at death.

I taste blood on my mouth when I say this.

That should they decide that they will not be terrorized falsely for wanting to sit under trees and resort to the only things that they have for their emotional defense.

They will be charged as murders for not being barefoot and compliant. For believing that a noose was worse than a Jordan.


Should they believe it is their right to love in public , should they believe that it is no man's right to lay hands on them.

Should they not just TAKE IT and accept abuse.

A DA will spend most of his time trying to convince the world they have no RIGHT to do so and aren't real women anyway, because real women would take it.

And when people spin tales of sisterhood and joyousness. It will be members of this exclusive sisterhood who will send them to entombment.

I cry blood when I say these things.

That asking people who stand with you stand with you and not for you, that people value you as equals, and not points.

That saying your name is not the same as helping your voice.

That making you speak is not the same thing as listening

That pitying your plight, while worshiping your words does nothing for your body or soul.

That even in spaces where it is supposed to be about you may not be safe or welcoming for you and the people who will hurt you most may be your own.

And you will in turn do it to others.

And this will leave you on the floor, laid up in bed, over eating, undereating,drinking smoking fucking just to shit the pain out.

That your words and hope and effort and will be met with worse than nothing.

You will lay yourself out there to feel silence weighted on your body like a millstone


That this life I sell as the only option in many ways to gunshots , violence death and destruction, is be taken away from you after LESS than fifty years.

For no there reason than someone decided the right way to fix your problems was to pretend they didn't exist because you at 7,8 , 17 had had used up your time for being treated as anything but a burden long before you were even breath in your daddy's lungs

Because no one can be forced to treat you as a human in this country

where they no longer teach you civics, or geography,

sandwich you stories in between the monuments to their greatness.

Even if your families built it with their own two hands .

Or are feeding it off their bowed backs

huddled in cargo ships,

pushed onto arid ground,

run from bombs destroying their houses.

You will matter less and be excused for NOTHING , while begged to forgive those who hate you.

who will lecture you on the best way to go about these things.

And you will look at your face every day and know of rape , tuck cowlicks and honest names from dishonest men, in back pockets and not be allowed to celebrate holidays.

Hide force and coercion in mangled traditions given up to a god , used less than 150 years ago to beat you native tongues to dust

Watch as your people run from you because of the curve of your backside the fullness of your lips, the shape of your eyes, the strangeness of your tongues, the sun in your skin

That to do this is noble

that you must do this to live for

moments

like

This

and you are so closed in to the system you must do it

of the backs of my people digging the mines

in the land of my people

pushed onto reserves

fed by my people

farming the rice

watched by the people who raped me into being.

Dripping the blood that flows through my veins

And I ask these children for more.

and to see in their eyes no matter how I make it sound they know exactly what I ask for

or sing about or write about

the truth not just the words

that I sing and breathe and charm them into

More blood

to the never ending beautiful struggle.

No matter whose it is I bathe in my own blood

and then I beg

pray

plead for more.
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Vote for Carlos Vote for Carlos

*pouts * He's great you want him to win!

So go here

http://www.famecast.com/CarlosLive


He is fabulous!!!!!!!!!!!!
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and typing

I have written the phrase I am applying for the position of

TEN TIMES

in two days


and thats not including the online form ones that are being done tomorrow
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