Reasonable Doubt

It is all reasonable doubt

I am a coward

I have done a disservice to myself and the amazing song4assata by not doing this earlier.

As one of the people who raised high heaven to get this investigated . I promptly dropped it once th einvestigation started .


Not because I doubt the AV (though at thispoint I doubt every motherfucker BUT song4assata attached to this) but because I watched it happen before and was devastated as it happened again.

This WILL NOT be a trial . It will be a media circus ,it will be a public repudation of women's morals. It will be a woe on the poor rich , over priviliged, desperately busy , need to blow of steam white boys.

It will be a chanche for one woman to prove she's a " good one" in realtion to another.

But it will not be a trial.

The AV has tried to retract her statements, she has obviously been traumatized , and has ran scared for all this time.

Even in " defending" her there is no concern for her.

People have exploded this into statemenst on race and womanhood while ignoring the actual woman involved. Yet blamed her for every single misstep made by officials.

And peopel like me frightened of seeingit happen once again have abandoned her.

The black body makes an excellent spring board. It's very existance makes danger, exoticism, terror. Posession of it makes for intellectual precedent( Having studied ) , racial immunity ( i have black friends..), sexual egalitarianism( I LOVE black chicks....) .

Defending it however has little to no recourse.

TAWANA BRAWLEY

Silence

Prisons.

Why aren't you more women centered see what happens.

Make money from sex , see what happens

Like sex see what happens

Women suffer. but you you brown stripper slut . Liar damaged one . You get what you deserve

A Rolling Stone article supposedly dedicated to the " atmosphere on campus" was dedicated not to women and not at all to black women but to women as the proxy supporters of the men.

It is the jumpoff for the loss of white girls ability to hold out .

It is the jumpingboard for the " support" of racist, sexist, misogynists.

It is now cool to wear shirts in " support".

Boys will be boys.

Jump of my body
Break all my bones
Leave me destroyed but
You
shall always
have a home

And I wish I could say I was stronger.

I wish that my mind didn't flash to the time I was told I should be raped . And took it as a compliment because I was suppose dto be bought and sold on a market.

I wish I didn't flash to a scary statistic that 1 in three girls in my college Greek system had been sexually coerced.

I wish I didn't look at " just pictures" and become scared that once again we were being wiped out.

behing
torsos
burqas
jokes
blankspace
pornos
blame
whispered curses
shouted love songs

I wish I didn't scream every time GMA came on in sadness fury and fear at the fact that when it is the black body at stake , who cares about justice, lets just love the circus.

I wish that my thought wasn't

" Not again not again not agin please maybe if I just pray in my heart and curse and make faces and pull it into a place inbetween my breasts , and avoid the articles.....

Maybe God/ess/s/es Maybe I can push that blodd bile to my gut again .

That space in my neck that fills up my throat that lets me know

I'm right . tHat to pull my body , my heart away , to hide behind ,the newest story would look like righteous following , instead of Fear

Again

That marks on our body would be waved off
with
" They like it again"

and no care to why pain was so comfortable

That the sproing of cannonballs into manhood,bonding,and power were made off our soft bellies.

That wanting us =abusing us=hating us. is just the way things work.

That there is no truth to be had here anymore.

That because we are brown .

She is brown

Ther is no no truth to be had

Only doubt

Doubt of our love
Doubt of our lives
Doubt of our rights
Doubt of our spirits

And when were faced with the weight of history .

The might of whiteness

The " support" of our sisters

All doubt is reasonable.

Especially of ourselves
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The beauty of forced existance

I was tagged by everyone and the mama in thise MEME- Belle Zuky, Prof Zero. I am tagging PQ,Queering me,Bint Alshamsa, Nubian. Mamita MAla and le colonel CHabert.


Things that amaze me are greatness and self possession existance in places and ways that don't get the love or truth the y diserve. Things that mystify me, things that make me happy

HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 0 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

First off : ME . I in many cases don't exist. My name, my " demographic" my body , my body type . And yet I am here and dancing so I dedicate this to me

Kaieteur Falls - The highest single drop waterfall IN THE WORLD. In a country that is the ONLY South American country with English as it's main language, the only place to have the phenomena known as Tepui. Half the country is being claimed by Venezuela , Guyan the makers of the most expensive stamp in the world. The makers of a knock you on your ass and have sex with VASTLY inappropriate people and not remember in the morning cause you are still drunken rum. The reason I'm bilingual and multiracial and black and beautiful and I love it so

my homeland.

Desire from The Endless- Desire is evil, capricious, and wounded. S/he is so powerful s/he fucks with space,time,reality, gender, and basic mathematics( The endless are a perfect four/four split but there's only seven). S/he's is the ultimate fantasy, can control everyone and lives inside a statue of her self,completely self absorbed and bored. Desperate to let no one have anything she can't and yet posessing no real desire. Desire does not have herself Yep I said her , Desire is the ultimate to me in the paradox of teh ability to instill desire and not FEEL it . The ability to cause tidal waves and never get wet and to have that nagging feeling that until she gives in to her weakness she will never know her power. He twin is Despair ,fat slovenly wanted by no one but the most feeling.

Serena Williams- HATE HER FASHION CHOICES. But if someone tells me that her body and her decision to wear THAT catsuit in one of the most pretentious sports and respond to every challenge of her feminity and even human hood with basically outlasting every pretty tennis princess they threw at her. Yeah she's sometimes sketchy , Yeah she doesn't care much anymore. SHE DON'T HAVE TO. Did her fucking thing and then watched as an entir ecountry spun it self in circles trying to deal with being sexually attracted,racist and all their own bullshit while she was jsut fabulous.Damn I need to start lunges again. Repeats to self salad is good salad is good

Aurora Borealis - Saw these outside of Middleburry and became sure of god. Saw them in a writers camp and became sure s/he loved me.It was the first time I felt anybody would truly listen to me. Wow that was a bad idea to give me . I haven't shut the hell up since

The most beautiful woman ever: Fannie Lou Hamer- Who did more with her body and her belief in god than many " leaders' do with millions of money and suppor t. THE ONLY REASON I VOTE

The food of god:

Curry Goat can make all things right. And roti or better yet dhalpuri and mango juice . i iwll dance infront of the plate

Finally-

THE STAGE- What we do with it how setting it how we can move peopel how it can be a soap box or a opera theater or or

Just a blog

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In a sendimental mood

I'm in a mood .

It's been a weekend for me. A dear dear loved friend of mine is feeling a kind of way. A kind of a way that leaves you equally mad at the world the person and yourself.

Mad at the person because fuck no.

Mad at yourself because you wnat to knwo where there could be more love provided so they felt safe in the world.

Mad at the world because well you haven't got that kind of time.


I collected those three posts which I want you to read because to me they are wonderful examples of my thoughts which im not artuiculating wlel this weekend.


I;m sorry I just can't ever at this moment be okay with teh constant condemnation and mocking of young black people as " teaching" by cosby by anybody. I don't have that distance I dont find joy in being able to look down . I'm not old , I don't feel better as they look worse, I don't think railing agaisnt them works , it hasn't worked since time immemorial. The concerns are true but no, as a yound hood rat my damnself , peopel don't get there willfuly and stupidly, i get angry I get annoyed i get sad but i just can't get down with it. Yes problems are deep but when someone values themself so little Ican;t get to the point where i go YOU'RE RIGHT. Too much of it seems like confirming what no one wants to talk about

The oppressed are taught t o believe the worst about themselves-Franz Fannon

And confirmingthta regardless of intent leaves me so cold.


Feminism as a headless torso , a mindless body, and one that can't even really listen when someone says I am left out feeling unloved and it's not fucking fun. No soft place on earth for me.
But we're for women right?

We are we are and if we say that enough we'll be able o hide or disregard of the borwn ones, the fat ones, the poor ones, the ones at our doorsteps , the ones who get told they are nothing every day. The ones who do the work we gkeep saying is imposisble,


And finally NO. JUST NO. Thank you for having aces sto JSTOR and LExis Nexis and all stuff thank you for using it cidgel women thnkyou for batting you eys at the insinuation . thank you fro trying to drivbe folsk out and no one is as stupid as you hope. And thank you for proving that when in doubt some women like power so much they would rather have power than decency

I am sad because there is better , because there rare so many wonderful souls in the world and I want to know why there seems to be a joy in making it harder for them.

Because I pray that words will heal,
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Feminism

Shannon more than lets you know what feminism is not.

So let me tell you what I think Feminism is

Feminism stares down the barrell of tank with only the thought of her two year old twins behind her and believes that for the ten seconds before they crush her bones to make their "country" that she will stop the tank.

Feminism raises sons who believe NO means NO means HANDS THE FUCK OFF.

Feminism voted for George W. Bush and still volunteers to walk Muslim to the market to keep them safe.

Feminism prays,chants,dances skyclad,and burns bibles.

Feminism is much to tall for pats on the head.

Feminism is choices but please as Belle has said and Tekanji has said say it with me now anad wrap it in your brain really well cause this is one time I'm being very careful before I start cussing.

THERE IS NO MOTHERFUCKING THANG CALLED CHOICE FEMINISM AND ANYONE WHO BANDIES THAT ABOUT CAN REALLY SUCK MY TAMPON ( trademark Belle)

THERE IS ALSO NO SUCH THING AS FUN FEMINISM OR LIGHT WEIGHT FEMINISM OR

Belles post is pretty much spot on but I have some problems with it and while they're not problem's with BElle it strikes me as something that has continually bothered me ever since I began swearing of the MSF blogs.

The problem with a lot of these "discussions" which actually tend to be meaningful convos outside the provence of daisy chain harangues is the complete absconce of power by EVERY.SINGLE.MOTHER. INVOLVED.

Regardless of what their talking about and what side their on, people seem very quick to assign power to everyone involved BUT THEMSELVES.

For a movement based on giving women power , there seems a universal chorus to decalre

" I like it I just like it" ergo I have no power over it even if I know I'm conforming to something please don't pick on me . Please unload the power of my choice so I don't actualy have to think about and no posts about an unspecified " our culture " arent examining that and i will hit my riff on that one in a jiff.

OR

SEXPBOT FLOOZY TRAITOR TO THE WORLD . YOU HAVE NO POWER. But but I'm just theory guys I'm just saying if you were REALLY DOWN you;d be doing this this and that the patraiarchy would fall. I'm just saying but don't take me seriously I'm either just playing OR writing from a pov so blessedly unique to get into it when you ask for through lines and cognizance.

Point of view two is annoying very simply because it's bullying as political guidance.

Lady fuck you.Point end. If you can't stand on your own two feet and back up the endless verbal diarrea that flows free form from your mouth as something besides youre cute little tehee postings.

You are doing exactly what you're demonizing the first one is.

DOn't take me seriously....

Because I'm a woman


Yep ladies and gents see how fast that card gets pulled everytime when you try and get toe to toe with someone.

I'm just me , I'm not important, I can only be a part of stuff that's about me, or I'm only doing theory ( because that educational shit isn't so important, even if I won't listen to you If you haven't got it but it's definitely not important enough for you knwo us to begin to do anything with it).

At this point when ever someone pulls that card I feel HAPPY to oblige them. If you with all the privilege in the world want to discredit you're everyword when it comes out of your mouth . I will happily reserve the braincells and not read them.

NEXT!

I am tall and fat and black and almost obnoxiously curved. Finding professional clothes for a " woman like me " even if I wasnt poor and hell even if I wasn't fat would be slightly more fun the a four part wisdom teeth pull.

Finding Lipstick for me isn't jsut about money,or style norms, or class.

I like it .

Now help me find a shade

And NO ! Lipstick just can't be lipstick. I'm tired of navel gazing about why what I do is ever so special and " different" from everyone ENDING the minute it goes into

Guess what you're not all that special , you're not this ittybitty special snowflake in the world and what you do says a hell of a lot about how you live in the world.

Shannon isn't asking Jill to justify her bikini wax and it's a stupid ass dodge to think so. Shannon is asking that for once when someone points out that the mere fact that something like a bikini WAX or heels ARE ACTUALLY CHOICES fro Jill it says something about where she is in the world.

It says something about a hundreds of words post dedicated to " fun feminism" that a bikini wax and heels are part of the fun .

It says something that when asked to engage in the fun rather than tit up and say you know what I don't want to think about it , which is what you're saying ladies but the " reverse " insert ism that only barely mattered before it interrupted your little theory wank.

And no you're not just defending a friend. Defending a friend means honoring the friend and protecting them waht happens instead is bloodsport. It's this mena girls " YOU DONT GET TO TALK LALALLALALA " see how MEAN you are.

Because god forbid we talk about the fact that NO a lipstick isn't a lipstick when you can afford shoes at all

That no a burqa isn't jsut a motherfucking burqa when the women who wear them's first request is that maybe jsut maybe you hook them up with water food and get the fuck out their way first before you white swan your way into a convo you don't know about.

AND

NO

Lipstick is not jsut lipstick when someone has teh motherfucking gall to go " put your money where your mouth is" because they are shocke dtaht we're still fighting and shocked that some women might not have all of blglandia behind them. and get services

Why can't they get services ?

Because their poor.

BEcause lipstick isnt jsut lipstick

Because a burqa isn't a burqa.

Because she's raising a child while trying to live long enough to see her child graduate .

Because she's got two jobs two kids, and STILL CAN'T FUCKING STRETCH to make ends meet.

BECAUSE SHES GOT A COLLEGE EDUCTAION and mountains of debt.

Because she is feminism.

And it is fucking galling that the same people who want to hear nothing from her when she speaks want to tell her to put up or shut up if she points out that a $40 bikini wax being more than just fun

Feign shock and concern that while they were diddling away at the SHOCK of being questioned she couldn't find an abortion

or she couldn't get to court for the restraining order

or the FBI kicked in her front door.

or Katrina kicked her out of house and home and now NOLA ain't trying to let her back in.

So my dear BL

What is feminism

Feminism gets up off bathroom floor when no one is there to lift her.

Feminism goes back to school at 25/35/45/65 when no one pats her on her head for her marked briliance

Feminism listens and asks questions instead of always having teh answers.

Feminisms dusts charred books with bloddy hands and writes terstained verses in hopes someone will find them because she is sure the next bomb will kill her.

Feminism defends gays in the military and then attends anti war rallies.

Feminism spins around the pole , pegs her boyfriend and her girlfriend. AND owns fuck me pumps.

Feminism CARES.

Feminism would rather do the right thing than be right.

Feminism owns up to it's shit , claims it for it's own and works for better.

Feminism takes the weight of teh world on her shoulders , the strength of the woman in her heart, and the softness of love in her eyes. Feminism is strong human fragile and real.

And Feminism is okay with that.
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To Veronique Whom I owe an explanation.

I have recently taken to using a term " Sofia Coppola feminism" and I intended to define it and then had a AWESOME/INTERESTINg time for the past couple of daysbut with the rising of the ugly head of this ,felt it was appropos.

In short SCF or "hipster feminism" is a parasitic feminism that not only ignores but is dependent on class ,race,and cultural appropriation and subjugation. It is a feminism that demands an emptiness ( real or invented) of reflection , instead replacing it with self involvement. It requires that culture and emotion be reduced to tropes and materials so that possesion of thes trinkets is possesion of the cultural significance. Removing it from actual experience and grounding it in blank slate whiteness and upper class ( eductaionally or monetarily) wrenches it from the hands of those who experience it AND tries to force them into a position of subjugation if they reject the positioning.

I came up with the term in my head when I was reading coverage of Marie Antoinette Coppola's most recent film. The article was in GQ and there was this kind of flip dismissal of the French booing

with words like

" It's booing they do it more in Europe"

or

Well it's art?

or

THEYRE JSUT JELLUS

or


It's what the french do....

Please understand I have not seen this film yet but my first reaction is that being familiar with the director , the subject , and the directors previous work is

VIVA LA FRANCE!

SCF ( the acronym) is a feminism that takes the idea " the personal is political" and run AWAY with it in an awful self absorbed , culturally decentering, yet culturally parasiting way.

SC three films have the proud distinction of being movies that I can't sit through.

And I mean I can't as in I watcheed virgin suicides in bits and pieces over seven years before my roll my eyes at the dumbshit kicks in.

Her talent is very visual and has an amazing facility for capturing ephemera .

Except she constantly tries to force this ephemera this barely thereness into some heavy social context.

Virgin Suicides focuses on whiteness and pureness as the holy grail , meanwhile almost unmoors it entirely from the specificity of time frame , and the graveness of the matter.

The fact that all the girls died was less impoirtant than they were these ephemeral creatures of light, the fact they were abandoned by the community is less important than all the boys wanted them.

The movie is complicit in making emptiness and the ability to be absorbtive and almost formless desireable in a way I don't think happens in the novel.

Lost IN translation makes me violent.

It's a racist bullshit piece of crap that had the added bonus of giving me Scarlett Johannson ( whom according to that thing on my heritage I look reasonably like) .

It is a movie about the shock of realizing that the world isn't all white and that life takes work. A woman who gives up her life to follow her husband WHILE HE IS WORKING is shocked when he WORKS

The Japanese are presented as these odd people who are so strange and why won't they be more understandable, IN THEIR OWN FUCKING COUNTRY.

One montage that sticks out is the commercial filming which turns absolutely HILARIOUS that the translator TRANSLATES. The director is a pretentious milksop who gives way to much words to shit that ain't that deep?

SO this is different form everyother self involved milksop how....

He's japanese ! The isolation is not the punchline, the director isn't , his culture in his own country is the puncline.

It suceeds by venerating whiteness as a uniter rather than commonality. Being broing self involved and generally distasteful is okay as long as your wry.

College classmates justified thatI was being harsh because Tokyo was so foreign. Except

MOTHERFUCKING DUH

It's this subtle shift from you life being the comfortable to being the new standard that is so prevelant.

SC prides herself on women as empty vessels thrust into odd situations where in the supposedly have no control. Its helplesness as a feminist standpoint.

It prides the making of social contacts whose only purpose is to affirm your specialness .

Marie Antoinette was of course the nex t logical step , SHe's so misunderstood. SHe' slike a woman during bad tabloids! It's so WRONG. The peasants revolted not because they WERE STARVING and being lied to and ignored but becaus ethey had it in for the lady with the pretty shoes.

Except she was QUEEN, she wasn't some one completely powerless , but presenting her as powerless allows her excess to be candy coated confection rather than direct conscious depravation of her people.

SC cuts connections, blurs lines and tries to wrest control of various cultural significators so that her characters which aren't full formed but merely ciphers passing through can be affirmed.

Whats more she does it AT THE EXPENSE of their humanity ,depth and frailiity. Rather than construct or truly examine ways that they re molded or mold themselves or interact with things to acheive this uselessness or this featherweightness , she establishes it as the center of the narrative and leaves it as if anyone who objected is simply gauche and uncultured or odd for not reveling in it's beauty.

SCF does the same whatever the topic whatever the concern it makes a CONSCIOUS effort to severe it from interaction with the world or others. It is as if any weight or concern to it would PREVENT the ability to have adornment while purposelly lightening others ocncerns to market the self ( or central female) as the only thing that matters. While purposely leaching and using anything to affirm it's existance.

Whats more is that both the film style and the feminism style has a very nasty undercurrent of if you can't use pretty shiny,smart things to justify you placement at the center, your wasting away,psychic damage, or literal starvation is unfortunate but not paramount.

Life should come easy and it is only until you're made to live it ( which is so mean and so teh fault of patriarchy/foreignersor meanies/POC/peasants) andwhen you are it isn't because a world exists OUTSIDE OF YOU but simply the world is intruding on you as you ( special white women ) are the center of the universe.

It's a feminism taht ultimately has such little confidence in itself that it msut be made pretty by the starvation of innocents, the ignorance of culture, and seelf immolation to survive.
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WHatsup

Did mY blog go boom for anyone else
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This post is interactive.

I probably should write about Burqa " the Never Ending Circle Jerk" and in some way s this post is but in most ways it's not.

Auguste has shown to be a stand up guy.
Amanda is now the poster girl for Sofia Coppola feminism.

I met a whole new bunch of totally awesome people.

And if you need to prove a point by cutting out half the debate. You're not focused your a dipshit. ( If you didn't know I was me by now then please hold your tongue till the end)

But this post. This post is interactive.

One thing that has bothered me through out Le Circle Jerk, the Blow Job wars v.89-178, Sexgate: The Next Generation etc, is the constant covert and overt use of Academic language in hopes of browbeating bloggers out of conversations.

In BNECJ AT one point Lindsey starts off with "Come on your critical thinkers" ( in reference to Belledame and miself) to get us to se ehe rpoint of view.

Benign enough sounding

Excpet if posits that if we don't we're not thinking critically

Now critical thinking is an educational buzzword that burst forth ( as far as I Know in the 80's) it is in some cases the holy grail of academe.

But here's the kicker Critical thinking implies intellectual curiousity and also a use of a form of the scientific method.

By which means you ask questions, and paticipate ( Ie interactive) so to say that I must come to your side is actually badly counterintuitive and a shitty though process.

So if you are engaged in critical thought and ask no questions , especially when the most common application of critical thought is * drum roll* ( I mean it do one at your desk)

Socratic method.

So if someone claims to engage socratic method and asks no questions . Principle of parsimony,Ocams razor,shortest distant between two lines,

It aint critical and quite often it's not thought.

Because honest evaluative critical though requires an ABANDONMENT OF EGO, iot's fallen out of fashion in amny ways for the more appropriate

" I think ( or gobble lots and lots of theory because knowledge ) therefore I am ( and anyone who doesn't have my approbal is not) " ( One fine day I will do my post on the historical reason philosphy and the "Enlightment: give me facial tics"

Knowledge is now a consumptive practice and a satus symbol . If you have less than me you don't need to be engaged and if you display more than me then youre a fracking showoff.

Regardles sof what you do WITH the knowledge , how you related to the knowledge , or why you use it.

BL the awesome has had it from both ends because o f this same Dragon in Cave mentality to Knowledge. WHY YOU ASKING QUESTIONS YOU KNOW SO MUCH

OR

YOU DONT KNOW ENOUGH TO ASK QUESTIONS

Except everyone forgets the moral of that story . If you feed the dragon and don't exercise him his ass becomes so wide he actually blocks the cave

the kicker is taht in discussions like these where everyone is oh so smart and oh so erudite hwo can you tell whose NOT feeding the Dragon ......

They take a non make me privileged meme position.

Or they ask questions

Or they present themselves as someone you hope or clue in isn't as clued to the nature of discourse.

Now who doesnt have lots of time for mastubatory knowledge consumption OR doesnt regard it as culturally valuable.

* looks at screenname*

WHOOPS! ( When dealing with white folk never let them know you aren't white , and if you do never at all engage in a name that doesn't show HOW Deeply you though about being cute sarcastic or self agrandizing. Black AMAZON shes confusing her mythologies ! NO BIscuit. Except shhh I'm 6ft tall black and from the country that starts what river ..., Brownfemipower oh wait poor little brown woman etc etc .. Me infront of a judge explaining myself)

When I do engage the dragons I find that often they try to engage my " Edumacation or book learnin".

In hopes that my desire to show I'm just as smart and privileged as they are will trump my desire to be treated like I have sense ,

They avoid my points but attack my spelling,they make saccarine please to this fantabulous book learning that is the great equalizer , being used to put me in my place.

This appeal only will work if they think that I'm NOT smart enough to note teh bait and switch.

If that doesn't work and with me I'm a Leo so I'm single minded enough to stay with it like a dog with bone " BUT THATS NOT WAHT I SAID , ANSWER MY DAMN QUESTION" also in leonine fashion I add kick lines and jazz hands.

Others are jsut as dogged , it becomes the MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEME what about MEEEMEE


I HAVE ALL THIS GOLD BEHIND MEEE!

I WAS FED SO I"M IMPORTANT WAHA WAHWHA.

But what happened to the dragon the dragon got stuck.

And what happens to the argument it gets stuck.

INstead of a living breathing creature language is the gross stuck blob with all its gold behind it.


Which is why this post and hell al mine tend to be interactive
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We are the NOT the Borg

One thing that has really got my tities ina twist is teh CONSTANT request I speak for those who are more than capable of eloquently and forcefully speaking for themselves. Do we all talk alike . I cross post this here to elucidate what I felt when stuff went down and also to PROVID EXPLICIT CRITERIA for what will happen if you ask me why other people do stuff . I DON"T KNOW ASK THEM

I will not respond to a question that asks me to speak for people. I have said that time and time and again.

My posters are PEOPLE with seperate thoughts so if you have questions for them ASK Them.

You also can't argue both sides of the coin I was either literally making a joke about causing harm or I was using hyperbole or I'm making a vague one . I can't argue against any f them because my intent was not to do that but NAnette puts it perfectly it's a story telling device.
However I won't argue in the " what I meant was vein" because what I eant isn't the issue . I Wrote something I put it out there I accepted his apology.

I don't hope to receive anything from my readers and my experiences as a blogger has taught that much. So i resent the insinuation that I owe anything. WHen I ASKED it for BitchLab MArc was kind enough to extend it. I extend him the courtesy of dealing with his words and being honest about my reactions.

The question he asked was NOT polite.I felt disrespected. It was a commentary on my intended meaaning which he didn't know . He made his gambit. His gambit was are you implying this then you don't see etc. He chose to assault my mental sense of balance IF that's what I was intending. Which wasn't JUST you've got to be kidding but was " if you don't see... etc" I'm not treating him as an idiot it's in text.

It was a comment he made that ONLY could be made if HE DIDN"T READ WHAT I SAID before he typed.

The problem no at this point isn't even what he said FOR ME but basic respect . He doesn't HAVE to read understand or have an idea about what I'm doing to comment.

His second comment says

"And I don't think you get very far communicating a message of understanding each other a "PEOPLE" by opening with talk of violence against people who, failing or not, at least want to be a part of the solution."

NOw he's inferring I WANT to confer understanding and he reasserts that I'm talking violence to Amanda the only one to whom his quote applies. And taht's not an immediate apology.
So then other people , people who aren't me step in . I say once again can't and won't speak for them. They each expressed DIFFERENT problems with his critiques. No one calls him a troll for more than THIS INSTANCE.

His apology is for not being able to discus sthe post which means he won't adres smy points and didn't cause he was rattled. HE also apologizes for distracting as if that's the BIG ISSUE.

What I was ( and still am ) hurt and offended by is not the POST. It's the behavior and the presumption made about me in making it.

I didn't get the whole thing just this.

I won't really be able to discuss thing becuase I'm upset.

The presumption of my having a violent character.

The demanding in those thing that I on MY SPACE make my words more useful by implying I miss a goal I"M NOT AIMING FOR?

Your thoughts ideas and comfort so i can identify how you are in your space in your words. is less important than telling you what interpretation of you text I choose to make is wrong

I( only me) accepted his apology. Doesn't mean I'm not stillhurt . It also doesn't mean that I or anyone else can't discuss anywhere they want to INCLUDING what precipitates what essentially was a large amount of disrespect.

Also you assume that because I and people who argree with me ( not my defenders) have not experienced attacks that will not benignly motivated LIKE THIS exercising that kind of privilege in OUR SPACES. BFP alone gets comments that curl my blood .Think how THAT feels.

This wasn't a come SAVE ME ! thing. I mentioned it and peopel responded because they were pissed and I resent being asked to speak for them ESPECIALLY when they all are linked and you can approach them.
I
never said he was a racist troll nor do I believe he was treated as one.

I KEEP SAYING I ACCEPTED HIS APOLOGY but I REFUSE to throw a banner parade and absolve him from others . I won't deny them their agency to critique as they see fit.
For this reason I'm commenting because as I read comments I am watching people repeat the though processes by asking me to speak for others,conflagrating peopel into one large "people who won't accept apologies"lump.

Unless it's an everybody apology and I'm suddenly Chaka Khan and everywoman

And I'm commenting because I'm not going to see my name,myspace and space of other thinkers and peopel I value treated anywhich way. Commenting is not reserved to those who vehemently agree.
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* rummages for cutlass*

Really?

No really.

You have to be kidding?

* blinks *

*Starts looking for cutlery*


I am going to add a donation button I really am because there is a better than average chance that I will do some hard time if I meet certain people.

Because fuck a scene I will cause a theatre festival.

Philadelphia Fringe will have nothing on the

Blackamazon Chokeamuddasuckapalooza.

I said earlier I nearly stopped blogging after the Clinton festival, not in the I"M TAKING MY BALL AD GOING HOME ! way . But in the I want to act and write.There is only so much BS I can take before it's not me being resillient but just self destructive.

The Clinton Blogstravaganza was both amazingly disheartening and heartwarming .

As linked above some mothersuckers never learn. BUT

Some people DO get it .

And the It to get is not some magical alchemy that is the " don't piss off the colored folks" but an honest comittement to understanding each other as PEOPLE.

Over at BL , BL and BFp had some form of agrgument/disagreement/stress over the stupid that is the worl.d I recommend you go read it , not because i do anything useful in the discussion( my boobs are plentiful and i give good hugs!). What is amazing is the idea that someone could be hurt and respond in a way that both accepsts that we may never agree with each othe ron this BUT I respect you as a human being and wish that we can meet because it is worthy and good.

Well gosh darn it see what happens WHEN WOC ARE TREATED AS FUNCTIONAL HUMAN BEINGS.

The "left" bloggospere has treated race and the Clinton dustup the way one treats the outbursts of an emotional,daft,hysteric

Emotional

Daft

Hysteric

Why yep indeedy do the non lefty power grab section of feminism are being treated in very much the same reason " mainstream feminists: complain about being treated by men.

Imagine if every time you brought up an issue that was important to you some one questioned not the content of your complaint but your intellect and then you capacity to even express dissent?

If every fucking time you brought up something peopel snuck in half assed apologies and platitudes ( I would like to thank Amanda and Auguste for a good faith effort ) as if your problems would magically disappear if you knew how the persons destroying you FELT about it?

Everytime your issues came up , you were told to " go slow" ( 1000 points if you get the goddamn refrence)?

This should sound familiar.

We've been waiting for a word from these big blogs and I am deeply saddened that not A FUCKING one has adressed the issues.

If anything FDL ( which will catch a link from THIS blog right before Michelle Malkin and after snow cones in the hot spot) has gotten w orse.

Feminism is not the new place for you to excercise your powers to say whatever you want and get the applause and indulgence that so long shackeled women without challenge.

Say whatever you want Please go ahead.

And then watch as I say what I want.

far too many bloggo feminists make me feel as if their honest goal is to simply get all the privileged entitlements that are missing because they're not men.

The autoritarianism, the moral judgement of personal practice, the patronizing self indulgence, this constant belief that everything would be better if only I was in charge.

Meet the new king same as the old king.

You will not out force they makers of the game. And more importantly you can not and will not brow beat peopel who are mrore experienced at fighting the game entirely into playing for your side.

For those of you who love throwing Audre Lords theory , a black "third world" lesbian, I'd ask you to look down and see how familiar those tools look. When she talked about the problems of othering and ignoring non Mainstream White Feminist Voices that informed all of her work was she being sensitive?

.

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has."--Margaret Mead


You no longer get points for showing up. You have to be thoughtful and thought includes how you act how you operate and how you treat people who

YOU CAN NOT AFFORD TO ALIENATE ANY LONGER

The smug bullshit has

1) damaged relations
2)lost political clout
3) damaged class relations

Should I go on?

and instigated serious strong bonds and intellectual joining that while not " the A-list" seems much more galvanized capable and committed than any of your shit has done in a while.

You're not my damn daddy , not my momma so you're ability to tell me what to do is non existant. I am not your charity case .

I am black,Chicana, Asian,religious,atheist,Muslima,Rastafari,queer, trans,orgasming,poor,broke,third world ,brown girl, black girl , brown man,black man,white girl rainbow.

And I have been doing fine without you

Keep playing the game.

We just keep changing the world.
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for real though

I have to admit I thought about quitting. I'm trying to rework my life, I want to audition and the Clinton drama has reaffirmed my belief in the fact that some people jsut love their pretty priviliged pony lives so much that they are even worse than my " enemies"

So short is I'm staying

Long is I'm looking to revamp

Short short is if Democrats honestly loose this fall I don't even know what to say but hah hee I told you so

And as an NY'er waiting for the October suprise I'm scared of the subway . nOt cause i fear the terrorists but because I fear the Republican Party
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