Poultry and returns

Woman of Color Blog: Guilty Bloggers

I have had a LONG LONG day. Hell is GCT on friday that is st pats. Drunk privileged people was annoying in college now its an insanity defense Too many people not enough safety.

But then I come home to this and I followed the links down the rabbithole.

I ain't having it is making it's way across the blogosphere in parts and I'm a bit trepidatious.

While my ego is pulling the Sally Field , my politics is doing the slow teeth grind.

I frankly wrote that for a specific reason. I'm glad my allies like it, I am happy to have them use it as something that helps them express their feelings . Family use my work however you like ( just let me know where its linked if ya can)

As people compliment me ,and have complimented many others better and more eloquent than me on their words and work , the big problem is ignored again.

I wrote that cause a member of what i consider my family is UNSAFE in her own space. Wait make that being threatened with greivous bodily harm. This isnt and wasnt a theory exercise or something I can be sure will be isolated to the internet. In whatever small way I could I was hoping to thread my fingers in hers and let her know I was here for her . I was also trying to let whoever was coming at her know in whatever way I could that

I am willing to stand and take whatever comes her way.

That's what solidarity and work means to me.

I don't HAVE to me the woman who was attacked . I don't want to conflegrate her experience with mine.

I Want her to know that no matter what she is remarkable in the world and someone is here to defend her and even if I'm not powerful enough to do that I am willing to stand with her.

Thats what it was to me. That's goal number one.

This blogging shit here for me and I guess many others is about clawing down to the bone with our bare hands itsybits of space that are safe. It's not the morning paper run through and it's not theory. This may be the only safe place a teenager talks about being black and gay in the middle of the hood. It may be the only place a trans youth in wyoming can even BEGIN to find out what the world may hold for her even as she has to continue calling herself James and work in a body that she may feel isnt hers just so she isnt beat to death.

Challenges to the space in this context aren't just irritating coffee topics. If I become attached to non mainstream blogger I WORRY every day they may finally pack it in. I worry that it will finally become to much to bear and then.............


That's why we can't lose .

To hear someone feel bad or sorry about making it that much harder for us . Then came the word

"Guilty"

I had a very cool teacher talk about differences in cultures. Guilt versus shame was a big one.

Guilt was self reflexive and passive . Guilty was a way to make transgressions about you so that you se t the limits of when you were feeling forgiven.

I came up in a shame culture and while it has many issues I always loved my teachers analysis about it and I agreed. Shaming is powerful and is used against us so often I think itshould be used for us

Fuck guilt feel some shame.

You bring shame , your action ( or non action) your relations to the world cause shame. You go and " bring shame on the family"

Consequently you go out and you get honor. You bring that to the family.

You have to DO something for shame . Shame is a burden not a feeling .

Shame you work through not overture. You don't get absolved of shame.

Guilt is lonely and dark, shame shines a spotlight on your inadequacies and makes you adress them

I HAVE HAD IT WITH GUILT

So what am I saying?

Fuck guilt feel shame.

Everytime I need to wonder about the safety of a woman for speaking her mind

Everytime I watch a women struggle in poverty

Everytime someone has to worry about their life for the fact they want love freely

Everytime I type some thing like this in hopes they stumble across it and feel stronger. OR I stutter over my keyboard in hopes of typing something alittle more eloquent than YEAH! *hugs*

Fuck Guilt feel shame

Every single damn moment we have power to help and don't because it wasn't easy

Fuck guilt feel some damn shame